


Still Falling For You

by standardusername



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Pining, Romance, Smut, absolutely no slow burn, lots of obvious pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2019-10-05 18:39:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 40,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17330351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/standardusername/pseuds/standardusername
Summary: “So what you’re telling me is, my ex-girlfriend; turned worldwide star, who I haven’t seen in seven years is going to be at the christening of your baby tomorrow. Carmilla is living her absolute best life, incredibly successful; happily married and I’m a loser who is completely alone...”“Come on, Laura, you’re not a loser...”





	1. Still Falling For You

Laura readjusted her headset and pulled up the sleeves on her dark blue sweater as she said, “Great, Betty, start to wrap up the interview now...”

She listened closely for a moment longer watching Betty in the studio. Laura then gave a thumbs up in her direction from behind the glass in the gallery where she sat.

Laura Hollis was the week day afternoon news producer for the Silas network. She’d been promoted to the post two years ago and loved her job, she was very good at it. She worked hard, those who knew her might say she was very career focused.

She leant back in her chair, chewing the end of her pen as she considered some of the paperwork in her hand. “That went well considering the VT decided not to play and the second guest showed up late,” Laura said, reflectively, turning to her colleague SJ who sat beside her, tinkering with her keyboard.

“Oh the joys of live tv,” SJ said, removing her own headset. “So... how will you be spending your weekend, Laura?” She asked, turning quickly and continuing before Laura had a chance to respond. “Tell me you’ve got a date or something. I don’t want to hear about another potential weekend wasted spent brainstorming new segments for the show.”

“Actually, I have plans,” Laura said, removing her own headset. “Not a date,” she added as SJ started to grin.

“My friends Danny and Kirsch are having their newborn christened and aparantly _I’m godparent_ ,” Laura said, processing that for a moment before shrugging and moving to stand with a stretch.

“Sounds... exciting,” SJ said blandly, not looking away from the screens in front of her.

Laura rolled her eyes at SJ’s very poor attempt at showing any interest in her weekend plans. She gave her shoulder a squeeze, “I’ll see ya, Monday,” Laura said, heading now toward the exit, giving a casual salute to Betty and another colleague as she passed.

She entered a large office space full of folks working hard at computers, she waved to another colleague as she past the small kitchen and took a right, entering her office.

Laura tapped the pockets of her jeans, searching for her phone as she rounded her desk and then pulled her rucksack out from under it. 

There it is, she quietly congratulated herself.

1 text from Perry

1 missed call from Danny

She tapped Danny’s name and held the phone to her ear as she grabbed up her rucksack and moved to leave.

“ _Laura, hi_ ,” Danny said, answering within two rings and continuing before Laura had the chance to respond, “I need to talk to you about something really _really_ important but first you have to promise me you’ll still be godparent tomorrow.”

“Danny,” Laura frowned, checking her watch as she walked down the corridor towards the elevator. “Of course I’m still going to be godparent. _What’s going on?_ ”

“We had everything worked out, _everything_. And Kirsch keeps making these last minute changes. I mean, I didn’t even want Emily christened, I really don’t care but Kirsch was adamant about it and you know what, Laura, it’s a lot of work and I’ve had to-“

“Danny, tell me what’s going on,” Laura said, jabbing the down button for the elevator and peering out a nearby window at the city.

“Carmilla is going to be at the christening, she’s the other godparent and oh yeah, she’s probably bringing her wife...” Danny said so quickly that Laura almost missed it.

Her eyes widened as she tried to digest this information. Had she misheard? 

The elevator door dinged open but Laura forgot to step inside.

“ _What?_   _LaF said there was no way, absolutely no way she could make it?!_ ” Laura replied, panicky. She pushed a hand through her hair, feeling her face grow warm.

“Yeah, well Kirsch wouldn’t let it drop so she’s godparent now.” Danny sighed.

“But _I’m godparent_!” Laura frowned, gesturing wildly with her arm as the forgotten elevator doors closed without her.

“I chose you and Kirsch chose Carmilla. I’m sorry Laura.” Danny huffed.

Laura sighed and jabbed at the button for the elevator again. 

“So what you’re telling me is, my ex-girlfriend, turned worldwide star, who I haven’t seen in seven years is going to be at the christening of your baby tomorrow. Carmilla is living her absolute best life, incredibly successful, happily married and I’m a _loser_ who is _completely alone_...”

Laura looked up as the elevator dinged, and found herself face to face with the cute editor she’d only just plucked up the courage to talk to last week who now apparently thought Laura was a complete loser.

She sighed, blushing red and giving the girl a small wave and a forced smile. She slipped into the elevator beside her and kept her head down.

It was true that Laura had not seen Carmilla in person for seven years but she’d definitely seen her. Over the years she’d been incredibly popular, she was almost impossible to miss. Carmilla Karnstein was the old love of Laura’s life and well... only, she’d never met anyone else. They’d been roommates at college and dated for number of years. Carmilla was known for her beautiful ballads, her old guitar and of course, her impeccable singing voice. When Carmilla inevitably got signed and released her first album, 8 years ago, it seemed to she became a star almost over night and both of their lives changed.

“Come on, Laura, you are not a loser and you’re not alone. You’re one of my best friends and... hopefully one of Emily’s godmothers?” Danny said hopefully.

“Of course,” Laura released a breath, stepping out of the elevator and into the lobby. She headed for the exit, “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“And you know how busy Carmilla is. I’m surprised she even found time to make it tomorrow. She probably won’t be there for very long. She’ll leave straight after the christening-“ Danny warily.

“Danny, don’t worry about me, I’m a big girl, I can handle being in the presence of Carmilla Karnstein for a few hours,” she chuckled though she found nothing funny.

*

Laura hopped quickly out of the cab and up the stone steps of the church. How’d she manage to be ten minutes late? Surely they’d not start without her? She was a godparent, they couldn’t!

She pushed open the doors of the church and scurried in, pausing when she took in the scene before her. They had indeed started without her.

“ _Thank God!_ ” Danny said loudly from the front of the church, breathing a sigh of relief. The minister who had been talking, paused. Danny pointed to a space right at the front near where she was standing. Kirsch was nearby holding baby Emily.

Everyone turned to look at Laura as she walked up the seemingly impossibly long isle. She gave awkward nods and smiles to those she made eye contact with. 

Thankfully, she found herself seated next to LaFontaine, who pulled at their green bowtie with a smile, the minister continuedhis droning as if no interruption had taken place.

“Where have you been? Perry was almost backup godparent,” LaF smiled, gesturing next to them.

Perry leaned forward giving Laura a small smile and a polite wave.

“Sorry guys, it’s not like I planned to be late,” Laura whispered, glancing at the proceedings in front of her, “There was an accident with toothpaste and then I had to change, there was traffic and- _what?_ ” Laura frowned, why was LaF looking so uncomfortable?

They gestured with their head toward the front and Laura found Danny staring at her.

“Oh sorry... please continue,” Laura said, blushing red. Could this get anymore embarrassing? She was doing a good job at ruining this.

Danny shook her head and gestured for Laura to come over with what looked like a forced smile. Oh, she was definitely pissed.

Laura cleared her throat, standing quickly, she smiled at Danny hoping she wasn’t too mad and nodded at Kirsch and then Carmilla.

Laura’s mouth fell open... Carmilla!?

She suddenly found herself standing shoulder to shoulder with Carmilla Karnstein.

Carmilla gave Laura a little smirk almost as if she were trying to hold back a laugh and quick raise of her eyebrows in greeting.

Laura swallowed and looked away quickly. How was it that Carmilla was more attractive than Laura remembered? She was wearing dark tight jeans and a flowy loose white shirt. Her hair was perfectly quaffed, her jaw looked sharper than ever. Her dark eyes were piercing and entrancing and Laura shook herself, crap she was staring. What the hell was wrong with her?

She felt incredibly warm and returned her focus to the proceedings in front of her. Both Laura and Carmilla had some basic lines to repeat after the minister and some other stuff happened that Laura didn’t pay much attention to as she was focusing all of her attention on not focusing on Carmilla which she failed to do. She found herself accidentally staring at Carmilla again. She couldn’t help herself, it was Carmilla. Laura stared hard at the ground after that.

 

After the christening was over, to Laura’s great relief, a photographer was yelling commands to the guests outside of the church and Laura was asked to stand next to Danny as the photographer snapped some group shots. 

“Danny...” Laura smiled, staring at the camera lens as she spoke and unconsciously brushing nonexistent lint off of her blue dress, “I’m sorry about almost ruining the christening and everything.”

Danny gave her a smile as she held baby Emily in her arms, “Don’t worry about it, Laura, it's all good now.”

“Good, I’m glad because I’d hate for you to change your-“

“Okay, I just need the godparents now... with Emily of course!” The photographer yelled.

Baby Emily was suddenly being shoved into Laura’s arms and everyone was moving out of sight. 

Laura found herself standing three feet away from Carmilla, who smiled at her.

Laura hated that smile, Carmilla smirked as if she knew something that Laura did not. As if she found something amusing that Laura did not understand. Laura loved that smile, it was endearing and beautiful and impossible to look away from-

“A little closer would be perfect...” The photographer said, gesturing for them to move in.

Laura took a small sideways step and Carmilla casually approached, standing close enough so their arms brushed every now and then.

“Smile ladies!”

Laura tried her best to smile, as she readjusted baby Emily in her arms.

“So... Carmilla, how are you? You look... well,” Laura asked, staring at the photographer.

“I’m good, thank you. How are you?” She asked in return. She sounded so cool and collected. She supposed Carmilla didn’t really have a reason to be nervous. Surely after several years of performing in front of hundreds of thousands of people she’d never have reason to feel nervous about anything.

“Good, quite good,” Laura nodded. “Are you here with your wife? I can’t remember her name.” Laura said, glancing down at the sleeping baby in her arms.

Of course she could. It was Elle and she was a blonde goddess. A singer and a model, and absolutely the sort of person who belonged with Carmilla.

“Her name is Elle... and no, she erm... couldn’t make it. Are you, um... here with anyone?” Carmilla asked, glancing sideways at her.

“Me? Well, no, not today, no...” Laura said, grimacing at her own response, wishing she could’ve thought up something better.

“Guys...” the photographer said, drawing their attention back with a small wave.

“Are we done? _Great!_ ” Laura said, not waiting for an answer and heading back toward the crowd at the front of the church and away from Carmilla.

Christ, that was awkward.

*

“Jeez, this is kind of a big deal, what’s the point? It’s not like Emily will remember any of this,” Laura said to LaF and Perry glancing around as they entered a large, elegant hotel function room decorated with pink and blue balloons. 

They found seats around one of the large tables, Laura sighed as she fell into her chair, “So, how was it?” LaF asked, inching their chair closer to Laura’s. Both Perry and LaF stared at her.

“How was what?” Laura responded, she could guess what they were referring too.

“Seeing Carmilla again of course! I mean that must have been... interesting?” LaF smiled, pushing their red hair away out of their eyes.

“It wasn’t anything. It was nothing. It was fine. _It was awkward._ ” Laura frowned, running a hand through her hair. “Why are you guys so interested anyway?”

“Because well... it’s Laura and Carmilla, you guys were like disgustingly adorable way back,” LaF shrugged.

“She’s also married,” Laura said, glancing around self consciously at other passing guests and then raising an eyebrow and giving them a pointed look.

LaF nodded, “... Unfortunately.”

“Hey... guys, she’s happy, besides, nothing has changed, I stand by my reasons for breaking up with her, it never would have worked.” Laura shrugged.

Why were they even discussing this? It was beyond the realm of possibility. It would never happen. “I need a drink, I’ll be at the bar.”

Laura stood, and made her way through the guests, avoiding eye contact with everyone she passed and tapped her foot impatiently as she waited in line at the bar. Music began to play as more guests entered the room.

“Glass of wine, large please,” Laura said to the bartender. She leant on the bar as she waited for her drink, glancing down at the other guests, she spotted Carmilla make her way to the front.

“Whiskey, neat, double it up please,” Carmilla said, her long fingers tapping on the bar along with beat of the music.

Laura stared at her, pushing some hair behind her ear, Carmilla hadn’t seemed to have noticed her.

“Excuse me, ma’am?”

“Huh? Oh sorry, yes, thank you,” Laura said, grabbing her wine, a little red-faced. She slipped away quickly, hoping Carmilla hadn’t noticed her presence.

“Kirsch, hi,” Laura grinned, finding him in a spatter of guests nearby.

“Laura, thank you for still being godparent after everything, Danny was worried you’d you know, change your mind,” Kirsch said, pulling her into a one armed hug.

“Hey, there was no doubt, it was an honour,” Laura nodded, giving Kirsch’s arm a squeeze.

“Really?” He smiled.

“Of course, and I’m sorry about kind of almost ruining the day, I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” Laura replied, shaking her head uneasily, sipping her wine.

“Laura, you didn’t ruin anything,” Kirsch shook his head, “Have you spoken to Car-“

Someone tapped Kirsch’s shoulder and within seconds he was wisked away to greet other guests. Laura wandered back over to the table where LaF and Perry sat.

*

“So, where’s her wife?" LaF asked an hour and half later as they people-watched from their seats, their eyes lingered on Carmilla who leant casually on the bar in conversation with some apparent fans. They’d just watched her sign a napkin. 

“Said she couldn’t make it,” Laura responded, sipping her second glass of wine.

Laura watched amused as some of the children danced to the loud music and ran around, dragging balloons along behind them.

“Laura... she’s staring at you.” Perry spoke up.

“Hmm...?” Laura murmured, her attention drawn back to Perry, not quite following.

“Carmilla is staring at you,” Perry smiled.

Laura regretted it but her eyes automatically found Carmilla’s from across the room. Carmilla didn’t look away or seem bothered at all at being caught staring, she just smiled.

Laura on the other hand looked away quickly, “Don’t stare back at her, Perry,” she said, embarrassed.

Perry just smiled wider, “She’s still staring at you!”

“Well, I’m going to the bathroom,” Laura said, hopping up from her seat and not daring to look in Carmilla’s direction. 

*

Laura smiled happily as she returned to the bar for another drink, she’d just spent the last half hour dancing with the children after one of them had pulled her onto the dance floor. 

“Having a good time?” An unexpected sultry voice spoke in her ear. 

Laura sucked in a breath and turned to Carmilla who stood close.

“I’d ask you to join but I’m not sure it’s your thing,” Laura responded, she glanced at Carmilla for a moment, chewing her lower lip.

“You’d be right,” Carmilla smiled, “I’ll get this,” she turned to the bartender and paid for Laura’s drink before she’d even had a chance to stop her.

“Thank you,” Laura smiled in surprise, their eyes lingering on each other for a long moment.

Carmilla had rolled up the sleeves on her white shirt and... Laura swallowed, she’d never found forearms so sexy before... what the hell was wrong with her?

“So... how have you been?” Laura said loudly over the music which somehow seemed to be getting louder.

Carmilla responded but Laura couldn’t quite hear her. 

“I’m sorry, I can’t-” she shook her head, gesturing to her ear.

Carmilla nodded in understanding and licked her lower lip before she leaned forward close to Laura’s ear, “Do you want to get some air?”

She pulled away only minutely and Laura swallowed, distracted by Carmilla’s proximity. Did she know how close she was standing? She nodded slowly, she couldn’t deny it to herself anymore, even after all these years, she found Carmilla almost hypnotic.

Carmilla’s hand landed on the small of her back as they walked toward the lobby of the hotel and then made their way outside. They walked along in silence for a moment, enjoying the cool air of the crisp autumn evening until they reached a wall which looked over the large grounds of the hotel. Carmilla leaned on her elbows on it and took in the view as the sun began to set.

“How have you been? It’s been-“ Laura began.

“Seven years.” Carmilla nodded. “And well, I can’t complain,” she half shrugged.

“Do you still work at Silas?” Carmilla asked. 

“Yes, I’m a producer now actually,” Laura said with a proud nod. “Afternoon, week day producer, finally got my own office too, thinking about getting a PA.” she rambled nervously.

Carmila smiled genuinely and chuckled quietly, “That’s great.”

Laura tangled her fingers together anxiously, Carmilla still seemed completely at ease.

“So... I haven’t heard your name around for a little while,” Laura said, not sure whether prying into Carmilla’s personal life was appropriate.

“I’ve um... kind of been keeping a low profile,” Carmilla ran her finger along the grooves in the wall. “I took some time off. All of the touring eventually took its toll,” she sighed.

It’s certainly what ruined our relationship, Laura thought to herself. 

She took a step to the right, away from Carmilla and wandered around the wall stepping onto the grass lawn.

Carmilla moved silently to follow her, staying close, slipping her hands into the back pockets of her jeans.

Laura walked slowly, turning to walk backwards to watch Carmilla followingher with a smile.

“You dont happen to have a cigarette do you?” She asked, quietly.

Laura shook her head, “You smoke now?”

Carmilla smiled, “No... just had a rough couple of months is all.”

Laura paused, Carmilla almost walked into her, they stood toe to toe.

“ _Why?_ What happened?” Laura asked, frowning with concern, she stared at her.

Carmilla stared back, she released a breath.

“Laura...” she breathed, her eyes were piercing, impossible to look away from.

“What?” Laura whispered, starting to feel a little on edge.

“You have cake on your dress,” Carmilla whispered randomly, her gaze never leaving Laura’s face as if she were memorising her features.

Laura smiled and huffed a laugh, she took a small step back, clearing her head, “It’s creampuff actually, courtesy of one of the children.”

Carmilla smiled and then rubbed at her temple for a moment as if she were suffering with a headache.

“Me and Elle are divorcing,” she said quietly.

Laura didn’t respond for a moment until Carmilla dropped her hand and looked at her with a sigh. 

She swallowed, feeling her stomach squirm, she whispered. “Why?”

Carmilla gave a small shrug, “It was all just a mistake, _everything_.” She shook her head, “With Elle, I’d found someone like me, we both led similar lives, she understood me and that was great but... we got engaged on a whim, married just a few weeks later. It was _never_ going to work...”

“But- but you always looked so happy together,” Laura said, sadly. As much as she didn’t want to, as much as she’d try to stay away from all that, Laura had seen the photos, the magazine covers, seen an occasional interview, heard the rumours.

“You should never believe what you see in the media, you should know that, Cupcake,” Carmilla smiled.

Laura’s heart beat a little faster at the use of her old nickname. She chewed her lower lip for a moment.

“I’m so sorry, Carm,” Laura frowned sadly.

“At this precise moment... ” Carmilla reached up and pushed a strand of Laura’s hair behind her ear, “I’m not sorry at all.”

A small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth as she studied Laura’s face.

Laura tried to respond but she had no words. They were standing too close. She sucked in a deep breath, blinked and took a step back before she did something she’d regret. She turned quickly, walking along the grass, noticing how dark it was getting.

Carmilla followed close behind.

She walked up into a small marquee, lit up with little twinkle lights, where she imagined people took fancy wedding photos. She strolled over to one of the railings and leant on it, looking up at the unexpected star filled sky.

She could see Carmilla in her preferal vision, approaching her side.

“So, what have been up too?” Laura asked quietly.

Carmilla gave a small shrug, “Trying to write new music but I’ve... I haven’t been able to since me and Elle...” she trailed off.

“Since you broke up?” Laura asked, looking toward her.

“Since we got together actually.” Carmilla said, frowning at the ground and kicking a small rock away with her feet distractedly.

They were silent for a moment and Carmilla began to hum quietly to herself.

“What’s that?” Laura asked.

“Nothing... I’m not sure, but it might eventually be something,” Carmilla considered, turning to stare up at the sky.

Laura smiled, she was almost so attractive it was hard to look away. She was close enough that the inviting scent that she recognised as Carmilla seemed to fill the air around them.

“You’re beautiful, Laura,” Carmilla said unexpectedly.

Laura sucked in a shaky breath, “I’m- um,” she swallowed, blushing red. 

“What?” Carmilla looked amused, “You are...” She studied her, the back of her fingers tracing lightly along her jaw.

“ _Carm,_ ” Laura wanted to say something about getting back to the party, they’d been gone a while but all that came out of her mouth was a sob of Carmilla’s name. What was wrong with her? That was not meant to come out like that.

Carmilla’s eyes closed and she frowned, her eyebrows drawing together in concentration, she breathed evenly. They were merely inches apart.

Her hand still lingered on Laura’s jaw, her eyes opened and she leaned slowly closer.

Neither of them seemed to be able to or want to stop what was about to happen. 

Laura’s eyes slipped closed as Carmilla’s face loomed close and she sucked in a shaky breath just before their lips met.

It was slow at first, careful, but Laura’s mind was reeling and her heart slammed against her chest. When Laura’s teeth tugged on Carmilla’s lower lip, she groaned, fisting a hand in Laura’s hair andpulled herself closer as the kiss grew heated. Laura’s hands landed on Carmilla’s shoulders to steady herself.

It was perfect, Carmilla was perfect, everything was suddenly right with the world and a phone was ringing?

Carmilla stilled, her eyes still closed, “I’m sorry, I have to take this,” she said, planting one last lingering kiss on Laura’s lips.

She pulled her phone from the back pocket of her jeans and tutted when she read the caller. 

“What do you want?” Carmilla asked, angrily. She listened for a few seconds.

Laura tried to catch her breath, slow her heart. What was happening? Should that have happened...?

“No I-“ Carmilla sighed. 

“I know,” she listened again, pinching at the bridge of her nose with her fingers. 

“Just send one in the morning, I’ll be there, I said I would? Do I actually have a choice?” Carmilla asked, waving a hand around.

“See you then,” she ended the call, looking a little annoyed as she shoved her phone back into her back pocket.

“I’m sorry that was my... kind of PA guy, William.” 

Laura chewed her lip, was the moment over? Was that- was what just happened a mistake?

Carmilla didn’t seem to think so and leaned close with a smile, biting her lip as if the interruption hadn't happened.

“Come back with me,” Carmilla whispered, bringing her hands up to Laura’s face as she leaned in to kiss her again. 

Laura sighed into the kiss, her arms slipping around Carmilla’s neck. She couldn’t deny, kissing Carmilla felt so right.

“Go where with you?” Laura mumbled, against Carmilla’s lips as she tried to focus up.

Carmilla pulled away a few inches, licking her lower lip.

“I have a suite in the hotel, come back with me,” Carmilla’s hands slipped down to her waist, pulling them flush together.

Laura nodded slowly before she even considered what she was saying yes too, she chewed her lip. Carmilla leaned in close, their noses brushing and leant their foreheads together.

“I missed you, Laura,” Carmilla whispered, frowning as if it pained her.

Laura kissed her quickly, “I’m here...” she whispered against her lips. Her hands came up to tangle in Carmilla’s hair as they kissed again.

Carmilla pulled her impossibly closer, hugging her tightly, the kiss was full of longing and desperation and Laura really felt it, Carmilla had missed her just as much as Laura had missed her.

She sucked in a breathe as they separated, Carmilla lay a kiss on her cheek, her jaw and then whispered into her ear, “Meet me in room 307 in 15 minutes.”

She nodded, her fingers trailing from the back of Carmilla’s neck down to her collarbones as she tried to catch her breath. They stood still for a few more seconds until Carmilla dropped her hands from her waist.

Laura cleared her throat as they separated and ran a hand through her hair.

Carmilla looked thoughtful for a moment and then nodded to herself, she held out her hand.

Their eyes met and Laura smiled, grabbing Carmilla’s hand and entwining their fingers. Carmilla placed a quick kiss on her brow as they left the marquee.

They walked back toward the hotel in comfortable silence. Laura gave a small shy smile as they made eye contact. Carmilla kissed the back of her hand as they neared the hotel and whispered, “307,” before disappearing inside.

Laura lingered outside for a moment or two before steeling herself with a nod and entering the hotel.

She walked cautiously back into the party, keeping her head down as if others might know what she’d been up too. She wondered if she disappeared without saying goodbye would anyone even notice?

“So, where’s Marceline the vampire queen?” LaFontaine appeared to pop out from nowhere, their green bow tie now left hanging, they sipped a beer.

“Who?” Laura said in confusion, feeling jumpy, her voice a little high pitched. She cleared her throat.  

“Carmilla?” LaF responded, raising their eyebrows.

“No idea. Why would I know where Carmilla was? I- We- _I don’t know_...” Laura huffed, feeling her face flush. She glanced around the room, where was Danny? She needed to find her. 

“Didn’t you just leave with her like 30 minutes ago?” LaF said, pointing toward the exit.

“Me? No? I- bathroom and, and fresh air- and excuse me,” Laura stuttered, she spotted Danny near the dance floor, chatting with guests and headed that way.

“Hey,” she spoke hurriedly over the music, a slow song was playing, “I gotta go, I’m heading home.”

“What? Why?” Danny pouted a little, taking a few steps away from the other guests to speak privately, “Is this because of _her?”_

Laura frowned, “What?” She genuinely had no idea what Danny was talking about.

Danny glanced around quickly and then mouthed Carmilla’s name.

“Oh, because of- _No, no_ I- I have a work thing tomorrow, early... _very early._.. so... you know me, couldn’t possibly miss an important work thing,” Laura lied, she then tapped her index finger against her lip as if Danny’s response was the most interesting thing she’d ever hear, or maybe it was to stop herself from rambling any further.

“Of course. I mean go if you need too, Laura. Thanks again for everything. I know it must have been unpleasant for you today. I do appreciate it,” Danny smiled. 

“Thanks Danny, it really wasn’t that-“

“Have you seen Carmilla?” Kirsch interrupted.

“No, haven’t seen her,” Laura replied quickly, “I mean I did see her heading toward the exit like 45 minutes ago. She probably left already.”

“Really?” Kirsch frowned.

“Sure sounds like her,” Danny said with a half shrug.

“It... _does_ , well, I’ll be seeing ya.” Laura smiled, taking a step back. “Tomorrow probably...”

“I thought you said you had a work thing?” Danny said with a confused frown.

“I- yep I do...” Laura said, “Bye,” she murmured as she turned for the exit, shaking her head.

When she reached the lobby, instead of heading for the hotel exit, she took a left toward the elevator.

Laura took a few calming breathes as she hit the button for the third floor. She walked backward and forward in the solitude of the elevator.

God, what was happening? Should she be doing this? It’s Carmilla... they broke up for a reason, was this a really good idea?

She couldn’t stop herself from heading quickly down the third floor as the elevator doors opened. She found 307 and paused, lingering for a moment with nervousness.

Nothing about this seemed like a good idea...

She sucked in a deep breath and knocked.

The door swung open and Laura was pulled inside by her arm.

“Where have you been?” Carmilla said, pushing her up against the door, she smiled mischievously.

Laura smirked, licking her lower lip, her hands slipping up Carmilla’s arms, “You said 15, it was barely 10-“

“Too long,” Carmilla said, stoking her thumb over Laura’s cheekbone before leaning in for a kiss.

Laura gave into the kiss with a sigh, her head hitting lightly against the door.

This was different than she remembered. Carmilla had never usually been this needy during their relationship, Laura couldn’t help but find it exciting.

Carmilla wasted no time, her hand slipped up around the back of Laura’s dress to find the zip. She tugged at it for a moment and then huffed in desperation, pulling away from the kiss, sulking.

Laura giggled and tried not to roll her eyes, she turned, giving Carmilla better access. 

“Stupid, why can’t I- oh got it,” Laura felt the zip come away and the dress slip from her shoulders.

They kissed again as the dress fell to her feet, her hands slipping up into Carmilla’s hair.

Carmilla’s hands tickled along her ribs before squeezing at the skin of her waist as they started to move toward the bed. 

Laura pulled at the buttons on Carmilla’s shirt, managing to undo a few buttons before she landed on the bed.

Carmilla clambered on top and leaned close, pausing just before their lips met again. She smiled, resting her forehead against Laura’s, she sucked in a deep breath and simply sat still for moment. 

Laura opened her eyes with a frown, “Are you okay?”

“Just enjoying the moment,” Carmilla smiled, kissing her quickly before sitting up and removing her shirt.

Laura shivered, moaning as Carmilla sucked down her throat, it seemed she remembered all the right places to kiss and touch.

Laura tugged at the button on Carmilla’s jeans, pushing her hand into her underwear unexpectedly.

Carmilla groaned, her teeth tugging at Laura’s shoulder, her hips rocking forward.

“No need to rush, Cutie,” Carmilla said, her voice thick. She gripped lightly at Laura’s wrist, stilling her hand before kissing her heatedly.

“Carm...” Laura moaned as Carmilla sucked needly at her collarbones. There was a need to rush, she’d not touched Carmilla in seven years, there was absolutely a need to rush.

Carmilla’s fingers pushed underneath her and Laura sat up a little to help remove her bra.

“Laura... you are...” Carmilla sighed, closing her eyes and letting out a steady breath, not finishing her sentence. Laura worried for a moment, pushing her lower lip between her teeth.

What was wrong? Was she stopping? 

“Ca-“ Laura began, she was cut off when Carmilla’s lips found hers again, hot and desperate.

She kissed down to Laura’s chest, both sucking in ragged breathes. She felt hot, way too hot.

Laura gave up trying to remove Carmilla’s pants and pushed her hands into Carmilla’s hair as she found her nipples.

Laura let out a groan of frustration when Carmilla moved on, kissing a trail down her stomach, paying special attention to her hipbones as she removed Laura’s underwear. 

She smiled as she moved back up her body and leaned down, teasing by kissing her nose and chin.

Laura giggled, trying to capture Carmilla’s lips and then sucked in a breath and gripped at the sheets below them as Carmilla fingers delved between her thighs suddenly.

“ _Carm_...” Laura whimpered at her sudden touch.

Carmilla moaned in return, smiling into their kiss. Grinding her hips into Laura’s thigh.

Laura pulled at the hair on the back of Carmilla’s neck as her fingers worked her clit and moved lower toward her entrance.

It was so good, it always was with Carmilla.

Laura bit down on Carmilla’s shoulder with a groan as she rocked her hips in time her fingers. Trying to starve off her reactions, it was all happening way to quick.

Carmilla lifted her head from her neck, choosing to watch her intensely, chewing her lip as she smiled.

Laura frowned, pulling Carmilla down to kiss her.

Her fingers dug into Carmilla’s shoulder blades as her hips rocked.

“Carm,” she whispered, tipping her head back against the pillow “I’m close...”

Carmilla smiled as she sucked at her throat and whispered, “I know...”

Her fingers slid up against her clit and Laura whined, sucking in a ragged breath.

It took only a few more strokes of Carmilla’s skilled fingers before Laura gave in. Her hips stilled and she moaned what might have been Carmilla’s name as she shook with waves of pleasure. Carmilla kissed her soundly, her fingers working through Laura’s folds until it all became too much and she pushed her hand away.

She rested her forehead on Laura’s as she took a few minutes to recover.

Laura grinned, she couldn’t help herself. Being with Carmilla again felt so right.

“What?” Carmilla whispered with a smile.

Laura chewed her lip, “Nothing,” she leaned up to kiss her.

“Tell me,” Carmilla said allowing the kiss for a moment.

“I’m just happy is all,” Laura whispered, reaching down to push at Carmilla’s pants. “Your turn...” she said breathlessly.

   *   

“Carm?” Laura blinked open her tired eyes, her arm scretching out beside her, finding the bed empty, she glanced around the unfamiliar hotel room. 

“I’m here, Cupcake,” Laura sat up, pushing her hair away from her face, covering herself with the sheet.

Carmilla was sitting at the desk near the window, wearing only her white shirt, the beginnings of the sunrise hitting her face.

“What are you doing?” Laura stretched, her body ached in a good way.

“Just writing something down,” Carmilla said, glancing out of the window thoughtfully.

There was a moment of silence followed by the ringing of a phone.

Carmilla huffed in annoyance, rising from her chair, searching around on the floor for her phone.

“ _What?_ You do know it’s incredibly early,” Carmilla answered irritatedly.

She listened, walking back over the window.

“What time?” Carmilla asked.

“Fine,” she responded after a moment, she ended the call and dropped her phone on the desk.

She turned to look at Laura, she smiled as they made eye contact. Carmilla prowled back towards the bed, slipping off her white shirt and sliding between the sheets.

Laura swallowed as she stared as Carmilla, “What was that?” She whispered. 

“It was William,” Carmilla sighed, “I have a flight to catch in a few hours, there’s a gig in London, a charity thing.”

“How about round five?” Carmilla smiled mischievously, leaning in for a kiss.

Laura kissed back, her hands slipping into Carmilla’s hair but internally she felt herself deflating.

This couldn’t go any further than tonight, she couldn’t put herself through this again.

*

Laura dozed lightly, slipping in and out of consciousness. She was warm and sedate, Carmilla’s warm breath tickling her collarbones felt nice... almost familiar. 

She opened her eyes, staring at Carmilla as she slept.

She looked beautiful, peaceful...

Laura sighed and sat up slowly, careful not to wake Carmilla.

She dressed quietly, feeling suddenly sad, she could never regret what had happened here last night but it could not happen again. She couldn’t go through this... not again.

She glanced around the room for a piece of paper, she’d leave a note, that was the best she could do.

Her eyes landed on the paper Carmilla had been writing on during the night from a hotel note pad.

She chewed her lip as she reached the desk, she picked up the piece of paper and read the words, they were lyrics...

 

_And just like that_

_All I breathe_

_All I feel_

_You are all for me_

_I'm in_

_No one can lift me, catch me the way that you do_

_I'm still falling for you_

 

Laura read the words and frowned, she peered at Carmilla as she slept. For a moment she imagined herself getting back into bed, cuddling up with Carmilla, waking up with her in the morning. But she doubted she’d be able to walk away if she allowed herself that...

She turned over the sheet and began to write...

 

_I’m so sorry, Carmilla._

_I believe we did the best thing ending it when we did all those years ago._

_You and I have been here once before, I can’t go through this with you again._

_Our lives were so different and I see still nothing has changed._

_I know you tried but I always felt that you were never there for me and I was mostly alone._

_Laura_

 

Leaving the note on the desk, she regarded Carmilla for a few moments more, before slipping quietly from the hotel room before she could change her mind.

*

 

2 months later

 

Laura grabbed the pen she had lodged behind her ear and scribbled on her notes as Betty read the headlines.

“And onto entertainment news, singer, songwriter, Carmilla Karnstein and model, Elle Sheridan have announced their divorce after only one year of marriage...”

Laura dropped the papers down onto the desk in front of her and turned off the mic on her headset.

“We were a thing once you know, we dated in college...” She said to SJ.

“ _As if_ ,” SJ laughed. “Yeah and I dated Justin Timberlake,” she rolled her eyes, “Good one, Laura.”

She shook her head slowly with a smile, guessed she should have expected that response from SJ.

It was raining when Laura left work, she pulled her jacket a little tighter around her and hailed a passing cab.

She tinkered with her phone and tapped her foot to the music playing through the cabs stereo as they sat in traffic.

Laura tuned in as the DJ began to speak, “So, Carmilla Karnstein releases new music on the back of her divorce to singer and model Elle Sheridan, catch her new song, _Still Falling for You_ , next.”

Once again, Carmilla was everywhere. Laura hadn’t heard any of her new music, she avoided it where she could but it was impossible to avoid the news when it was her job.

She chewed her lip for a moment, staring out of the window as the cab started to move. She couldn’t help herself, she was typing Carmilla’s name into her phone before she could give it a second thought.

There were endless articles and news stories about Carmilla’s divorce, Laura sighed, her stomach squirmed as flicked through paparazzi photos of Carmilla walking down the street two days ago. From the photos it was obvious she was back in the city.

Laura looked up when she heard Carmilla’s voice and realised her new song was playing.

She typed the song into the search engine and glanced through the news articles. _‘Still Falling for You, who is it written about?’_

She looked away from her phone, glancing out of the window, her attention switching to the song, her heart beat quicker as she listened to Carmilla’s voice. She never allowed herself to listen to Carmilla’s music unless she couldn’t escape it.

Laura frowned, feeling a sting of tears in her eyes. She sucked in a breath as she listened. It was a beautiful song.

_And just like that_

_All I breathe_

_All I feel_

_You are all for me_

_I'm in_

She knew these lyrics, she’d read them somewhere before... her mind flashed back to that night in the hotel room, the night spent with Carmilla... was this song written about her?

 

Laura’s hand shook as she tried unlock her apartment door.

She sat at her desk and switched on her laptop, before she knew it, she was searching Carmilla’s name.

She read a few news articles and looked at a few photos. She clicked on an interview, it was dated 5 years old.

“So, Carmilla, _You Could Be Happy_... it’s a real beautiful song... did it come from experience?” The interviewer asked.

Carmilla nodded, “Thank you. That song...” she licked her lower lip and cleared her throat. “That song was written when I was feeling particularly low... you can probably tell,” she smiled. “It’s written about the only girl I’ve ever loved...”

Laura clicked away in a moment of panic. The only woman she’d ever loved?

She searched the song, she couldn’t stop herself and closed her eyes as she listened.

 

_Most of what I remember makes me sure_

_I should have stopped you from walking out the door_

_You could be happy; I hope you are_

_You made me happier than I'd been by far_

_Somehow everything I own smells of you_

_And for the tiniest moment it's all not true_

 

Laura sucked in a shaky breath and wipedat her eyes, she clicked another video and another and another. Music videos, interviews, performances...

She clicked on a interview dated only two days ago, it was radio studio, Carmilla was wearing a headset.

“Carmilla, thank you for gracing us with your presence once again... how long has it been? 2-3 years?” The interviewer asked.

“Something like that,” Carmilla respondedwith a professional smile.

“So, new music, is there an album on the way?”

“There will be ... hopefully soon,” Carmilla nodded.

“Sorry to hear about your divorce, obviously it’s been big news other the last few days.”

Carmilla frowned and looked a little uncomfortable, “Has it? I try to stay away from all that.”

“ _Still Falling for You_ , it’s a great song-“

“Thank you,” Carmilla interrupted.

“Tell us... who is it about?”

Carmilla looked a little taken aback... even Laura sucked in a audible breath as she watched the video.

“Um...I’m sure she knows who she is.” Carmilla responded, bluntly.

“I see, I see,” the interviewer winked and Carmilla shook her head in disbelief. “More from Carmilla after this.”

She closed her laptop and lay on the couch and set the earbuds in her ears, she’d never allowed herself to do this. She pulled up Carmilla’s music, more recent music she hadn’t heard and clicked play.

She listened to Carmilla’s melodic voice and smiled, if she closed her eyes she could imagine Carmilla was right beside her, singing with her old guitar. Tears slipped down her face as she listened. She wondered how each song came about...

 

_And it's been a while but I still feel the same_

_Maybe I should let you go_

_You know I'll fight my corner_

_And that tonight I'd call ya_

_After my blood is drowning in alcohol_

_No I just wanna hold you_

 

She yelped when her phone started to buzz on her chest.

Incoming call from LaF

She sat up, wiping the wet tears from her face with the sleeve of her sweater.

“Hey LaF,” she mumbled quietly, her apartment was dark, she reached over and switched on a lamp.

“L, you okay? You sound a little... off.” LaFontaine asked.

“No, I’m good, I was... asleep,” she lied, taking the phone with her into the kitchen to search the fridge, placing it on speaker.

“So, Carmilla’s getting a divorce,” Laura almost choked on the orange juice she was swigging from the carton.

“So I heard,” she mumbled.

“You haven’t spoken to her or anything?” LaF asked.

Laura frowned at the phone, “No, why would I?”

“Fair point, are you going to?” They asked hopefully.

“No, LaF, I’m not going to speak to her.”

“Kirsch told me she just bought an apartment in the city, so she’s back in town.”

Laura chewed her lip, “LaF... we broke up for a reason-“

“Laura I know, I understand that but... aren’t things different now? I mean-“

“How- How are things different? Everything is the same. Carmilla is the same. Even when we were together I felt like she was never there, everything else came first. And I know that stuff was important but- I can’t LaF, even if there was a chance for us... I can’t... not again.”

LaF was quiet for a moment.

“I’m sorry, Laura. You’re right... I guess I um... just miss the two of you.” LaF responded. “We might see more of her now she’s back though.”

“I highly doubt that,” Laura said confidently, “She was barely around when we were together. I don’t think that’ll change.”

“But L, what if she is? What’ll you do?” They asked.

“LaF, I am capable of friendship, we don’t have to get all star crossed about anything. That’s all in the past. Me and Carmilla can be friends.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I may have stolen some of the plot of Bridget Jones Baby when writing this.
> 
> Where have I been you ask? My macbook went on fire so I lost everything. (Back up your shit people!) I am currently working on this and the continuation of This Magic Works. I have had to rewrite a lot of stuff and I just lost the will to write for a bit but I’ll get it done.
> 
> This might need a bit of editing and might have a tonne of mistakes but I’ll sort that in a few days when I can.
> 
> This one should be fun. Not sure how many chapters it’ll be but four/five maybe. See how it goes.
> 
> Song referenced in his chapter are
> 
> Still Falling for you by Ellie Goulding  
> You Could be Happy by Snow Patrol  
> Give me love by Ed Sheeran


	2. Kiss Me

Laura’s eyes drooped closed as she lay on the couch late one night, flipping through the tv stations. It was only when the remote slipped from her fingers and hit the floor with a clatter that her eyes opened again. She sucked in a deep breath, momentarily shocked by the noise and then relaxed back into the couch, letting her eyes fall closed again.

She had no idea how much time had passed when she was suddenly aware of the sound of Carmilla Karnstein’s voice. Her eyes flickered open and she turned toward the tv, it was a late-night talk show that she wasn’t familiar with but there was Carmilla and her old guitar.

Laura didn’t know how it was possible to feel both excitement and sadness at the same time but somehow, she did. She sat up slowly, she daren’t look away from tv for a second. She couldn’t help but notice Carmilla looked impeccable, she always did but somehow now more than ever. Laura felt a sudden twinge of… jealously? She momentarily wished she could be wherever Carmilla was right now.

 _“So, this song… this song I started to write, a couple of months ago in a hotel room at around 4 am."_ A few members of the audience laughed and Carmilla paused, the corners of her mouth twitched upwards, “ _I guess that’s when I do my best writing_ ,” she smiled, looking slightly embarrassed. “ _It was the first time in a long time that I’d written anything new. But there was something about this song that just felt right... There were a lot of things about that night that felt right.”_ She paused for a moment _, “This song holds a special place in my heart. It’s called, Still Falling for You.”_

Laura swallowed as she stared at the tv, Carmilla started to sing. She’d always got lost in the sound of Carmilla’s voice. She remembered the first time she’d heard her sing, way back when they shared that tiny dorm room back in college. Carmilla would sing to her all the time after this, she told Laura it was because she loved to see the blush on her face. When they moved into their first apartment together, Laura would always smile as she listened to Carmilla sing in the shower in the morning. She had been listening to Carmilla sing when she’d first realised she was in love with her. The sound of Carmilla’s voice used to make her heart race but now it made her heart ache.

 

_And just like that_

_All I need is you_

_All I feel is you_

_You are all for me_

_I'm in_

_No one can lift me, catch me the way that you do_

_I'm still falling for you_

Carmilla looked up as she sang the chorus and for a moment Laura thought she was staring directly at her. She sucked in a shaky breath, captivated by the passionate look on Carmilla’s face.

It was only when the song came to an end that Laura seemed to remember where she was and she shook her head to clear it, reaching for the remote where it still lay on the floor. She sighed as she switched off the tv.

She tried not to think about Carmilla’s words as she lay in bed later… _a couple of months ago in a hotel room at around 4 am…_ Laura turned over, squeezing her eyes shut, trying to force out the sound of Carmilla’s voice… _There were a lot of things about that night that felt right…_ She lay on her back, staring up at the ceiling. She couldn’t deny it to herself that the night Carmilla was referring to had to be the night they had spent together.

 _And what if it was?_ She sighed, turning over again. Laura had made her decision, she’d walked away again. She shouldn’t be thinking about Carmilla or who she was singing about, she didn’t have the right too.

Nothing had changed, she kept telling herself, she couldn’t be with someone who was never there for her. She couldn’t be with someone who put everything else ahead of their relationship. She couldn’t be with Carmilla so she just needed to stop thinking about her and everything would go back to normal.

 

*

 Laura grimaced as she took a sip of cold coffee and then shoved the mug to the edge of the desk where she wouldn’t be tempted to reach for it again. She continued to type out an email and glanced down quickly at her watch.

“Knock, knock,” SJ said, poking her head around Laura’s office door.

“Hey,” Laura said, glancing up at SJ with a quick smile before continuing to type.

“Heeeey, so guess what?” SJ smiled, walking into the office and leaning on the edge of the desk.

Laura met her gaze and raised her eyebrows, “…I got nothing, SJ, what is it?”

“Your _girlfriend_ is in the building,” SJ said, snorting a little as she laughed and shook her head.

Laura frowned, giving SJ her complete attention, “ _Who?_ ”

SJ chuckled again, “Carmilla Karnstein.”

“ _What?_ My  _girlfriend?_ Carmilla is not my- Where did you hear _that_?” Laura asked, she sat up jittery and clutched the edge of her desk.

“Don’t you remember that bullshit story you told me about you two dating in college?” SJ smirked and shook her head, disbelievingly. “I _knew_ it was crap, Hollis.”

“Carmilla’s here? Why?” Laura’s eyebrows drew together, she licked her lip, her mouth feeling dry.

“She’s not on our floor, _unfortunately_ , she’s doing an interview with Silas radio downstairs.”

“She’s here right now?” Laura asked, trying to give off an unbothered air. She pushed some hair behind her ear, her stomach squirmed uneasily.

“Yep. Betty just told me,” SJ said with a nod.

Laura swallowed, frowning to herself. She should have recognised something like this might happen. Carmilla had been promoting her new music all over town. It would have only been a matter a time before she came into Silas for an interview.

 “We were going to head down and try and catch a glimpse of her… you coming?” SJ said nodding towards the door.

“No, no, thank you,” Laura said, quickly, focusing her attention back on the computer screen.

“Laura, it’s _Carmilla Karnstein_... _come on_.  Remember when that British woman from Doctor Who was here and you were late for the show because you wanted her to sign your _toy_?” SJ scoffed, rolling her eyes. 

“That wasn’t a toy, it was a collectable and trust me, I don’t need to catch a glimpse of Carmilla Karnstein,” Laura said with a blush, she raked a hand through her hair. 

“If you change your mind, we’ll be on third,” SJ said, before slipping out of the office.

Laura tried to continue her work, she shook her head, hoping to get back on task. She stared at the computer screen, she didn’t see a thing.

Carmilla knew where she worked… Laura chewed on her lower lip, she’d surely avoid her…?

She stared at her computer screen for a few more moments and then shook her head, she couldn’t work knowing Carmilla was in the building. She’d go on lunch and then Carmilla would be gone by the time she got back and she could get back to work.

Laura grabbed her backpack and headed out toward the elevator.

“Change your mind?” SJ appeared, bumping her shoulder and falling into step beside her.

“Nope, just heading to lunch actually,” Laura said, hitting the button for elevator.

“What’s up with you today? You’re acting _strange_ …” SJ said, glancing warily at her as they stepped inside.

Laura hit the button for ground floor and SJ hit the button for the third.

“I’m not acting _strange_ … I’m just not a fan of… Carmilla,” Laura said, looking toward the elevator wall as she felt her face grow warm.

Laura headed into the nearest coffee place, ordered herself a coffee and a large cookie and sat down at a small table near the window. She wasn’t going to go back to work until she was sure Carmilla would be gone. Not that they’d run into each other anyway, it was highly unlikely. Laura would have to have the worst luck in the-

“Laura?"

Laura, who had been staring at people’s shoes as they walked along the street outside, looked up at the sound of her name.

Oh crap…

Carmilla slipped her sunglasses up on top on her head, holding a coffee to go. She smiled at Laura in surprise.

Laura’s mouth dropped open a little, how did Carmilla somehow manage to look more attractive than ever, it wasn’t fair.

“Carm…” Laura said, blinking at her in surprise.

Carmilla smirked as she casually took a seat opposite from Laura, crossing her legs and taking a sip of her coffee.

“What are you doing in here?” Laura asked with confused glance around the café.

“Promoting my new music… over in your building actually,” she said, unzipping her leather jacket and relaxing back in her chair.

“I know that, but what are you doing _here?_ I thought you were there right now,” Laura responded, watching Carmilla closely.

“I was, we finished up and I wanted coffee so here I am,” she shrugged, “Nice to see you too, Cupcake,” she said, looking only a little offended at Laura’s less than warm response to seeing her.

“Carm, no, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that,” she shook her head, unconsciously ripping her paper napkin to shreds.

Carmilla assessed her for a moment, taking another sip of her drink, “Didn’t expect to see you so soon after the christening.”

 _Oh, she’s going there_. Laura’s eyes widened a little and she could feel her face becoming warm.

“I’m sorry … about…” Laura ran a hand through her hair, “…about just leaving like that.”

“It’s okay… I understand,” Carmilla nodded slowly, licking her lower lip.

 A quiet moment passed and then Carmilla frowned, pulling out her phone as it vibrated in her back pocket. She ignored the call, placing it on the table between them as she leaned forward. 

“Laura, I-”

Her phone started to vibrate again and Carmilla huffed out an angry breath at the interruption.

“Are you going to get that?” Laura asked, her eyes twitching down to the phone and then back up.

 Carmilla stared at her for another moment before picking up her phone and answering the call.

“ _What?_ ” She muttered angrily, rubbing her temple as she listened to whoever was on the other end. 

“I know, I’ll be there,” she listened again, turning her coffee cup around in a circle.

Laura broke her cookie in half and took a bite, not really tasting a thing. She pushed the rest of the cookie toward Carmilla.

“Yeah, yeah…” Carmilla sighed. 

She glanced at the half cookie and at Laura’s retreating hand and then smiled warmly at her.

“No problem, Willy boy,” Carmilla said as they smiled at each other, she ended the call.

 “Thank you,” Carmilla said, picking up her cookie half and taking a bite.

“What was that?” Laura asked, nonchalantly, taking a sip of her coffee.

“Just an update about another promotional thing,” Carmilla said, waving her hand as if it was something completely uninteresting and leant her forearms on the table as she leaned closer, “How are you, Laura?”

“I’m okay. I um… heard your new song, it’s… really… really great,” Laura nodded, honestly.

“Thanks, Cupcake…” They stared at each other.

“ _Oh my gosh! Is that Carmilla Karnstein?_ ”

“ _Holy shit, it totally is!”_  

Laura was startled by the sudden interference and they broke eye contact as the young teen and her friends left the line for coffee and formed a small crowd nearby.

“Hey guys,” Carmilla said with a smile, turning in her chair as they took her greeting as permission to move closer.

_“Hi, oh my god, I love you. My sister loves you. She’ll never believe this!”_

_“Can I get a picture with you?”_ Another asked.

Carmilla though seemingly a little overwhelmed, was kind and humble and was more than happy to comply with the requests of her fans.

It made Laura smile as she watched Carmilla interact with the teens.

Laura stood, trying not to draw attention to herself as Carmilla was distracted, “I have to get back to work,” she said, leaning forward and just gripping lightly on Carmilla’s forearm before heading for the exit.

 “Laura, wait-” Carmilla said quickly over the noise, unable to hide her look of disappointment.

Laura just gave a small wave and a smile and left the café swiftly as the fans continued to surround her.

When she stepped off the elevator ten minutes later, back in the comfort of the Silas building and started to head back toward her office, SJ popped up seemingly from nowhere.

“We missed her! She left literally 30 seconds before I got there, can you believe that?” SJ said, shaking her head. 

“What?” Laura asked, struggling to follow SJ’s rushed words as Carmilla clouded her mind.

“ _Carmilla Karnstein,”_ SJ frowned at her, “Are you okay, Laura? She was downstairs remember…”

“Oh,  _yes!_ Carmilla,” she nodded, feeling her face grow warm. “Well, if you’re that miffed, SJ, she’s in the café down the street, I just shared my cookie with her,” she said, matter of factly as she opened her office door.

 “ _What?_ I don’t get it? _Cookie?_ ” SJ said in confusion.

Laura just gave her a knowing smile and walked into her office, letting the door fall closed behind her. 

It took Laura only a few minutes to find Carmilla’s interview with Silas radio from that morning, she clicked on the video footage from the radio studio.

“Have you seen this?” The interviewer said, holding up a magazine, “Carmilla, did you know you have been voted _People_ magazines sexiest woman alive?”

Carmilla readjusted her headset, “Did I know that? I don’t know… is that _me_ on the cover? Let me see that,” she looked a little taken aback as she stared at herself on the cover of _People_ magazine, “Wow. Thank you, _People_ magazine, quite an achievement,” she smiled humorously, handing it back to the DJ.

Laura listened absorbed, although most of the questions Carmilla had answered before.

“Do you have a favourite song of yours?” The DJ asked.

“Hmm… Well, _Still falling for you_ , is particularly special to me but _Kiss Me_ was my first success and that song was… written at an important time in my life, at a time that I always look back fondly on.”

“Your songs, they’re emotional, they’re beautiful. Do you have muse?”

She opened her mouth as if to reply and then paused in thought. “Yes, I do…” she nodded, honestly.

 Laura sat up in her chair, waiting for Carmilla to say something more…

“Can we expect a tour this year? Next?” 

“Not yet… I mean, I will tour again, just… no plans for it yet,” Carmilla shook her head.

Laura sighed, knocking her head against her chair, what was she doing? Why was she doing this to herself?

A song of Carmilla’s started to play and Laura sat back in her chair as she listened…

 

 _I don't know what to do without you_  
_I don't know where to put my hands_  
_I've been trying to lay my head down_  
_But I'm writing this at 3am_

 _I don't need the world to see_  
_That I've been the best I can be, but_  
_I don't think I could stand to be_  
_Where you don't see me_

It wasn’t a song Laura recognised, it was hauntingly beautiful. She frowned as she listened to the lyrics. When the song started to fade out, she closed the browser, sucked in a deep breath and tried to get back to work. 

* 

“ _Laura_!” LaFontaine yelled as they opened their door, a party hat sat all askew on their head.

It was LaFontaine’s 27th birthday and they were having a “small get together” at their place but if the group chat Laura had been added to was anything to go by, this was going to be a little more than small.

LaF moved away from the door to allow her in and dropped an arm around Laura’s shoulder, “Dude, you’re late to the party!” They yelled close to her ear.

“How much have you had to drink, LaF?” Laura asked as they lead her into their main room, where the music was louder and the room more crowded.

“I did a few shots with Kirsch a while ago,” LaF said, pushing their floppy hair up off of their brow.

“Ah, I see,” Laura smiled, “Happy birthday, LaF,” she said, grabbing their shoulder.

“Than- _Hey, don’t touch those test tubes!_ ” LaF yelled, before darting off in the direction of the back yard.

Laura got herself a beer from a cooler nearby and greeted a few old acquaintances from college, others that had lived on their floor. She followed the sound of LaF’s voice out to the yard where they were involved in a game of beer pong, she blinked in surprise, she hadn’t seen anyone playing beer pong since college.

She eventually found Perry in the kitchen putting the finishing touches on what looked like LaFontaine’s two-tiered birthday cake.

“Wow, Perry! That is _amazing_!” The cake was decorated in a rainbow of colours and topped with array of multicoloured candy too. Laura shook her head, “Per, tell me again why you haven’t signed on for one of those bake-off shows.”

“Do you like it?” Perry asked, standing back and surveying the cake with a concentrated look.

“Of course, _it’s incredible_ …” Laura said, sipping her beer and glancing around at the array of other treats which covered every available space in the kitchen.

“Good, this is just the back-up,” Perry said, looking relieved.

“The _back up?”_ Laura said, glancing up at her, almost certain for second that she was kidding.

“Yes of course, what if something goes wrong? You should always make a backup, Laura.”

Perry smiled, looking happy with herself and set the cake on the side before heading back to the oven. “The cookies are done!”

“Are you planning to enjoy this party at all?” Laura asked, grabbing a nearby cupcake.

“Enjoy it? _I am enjoying it_ , where’s LaF?” Perry asked as if suddenly remembering they existed.

“Outside… they’ve seem to be enjoying themselves,” Laura smiled, taking a bite.

“Enjoying themselves? Things usually end up broken or on fire when LaFontaine enjoys themselves too much,” she looked worried, “…Excuse me,” she disappeared from the kitchen.

Laura followed Perry out and found Kirsch back in the living room, pulling a beer from the cooler.

“Kirsch,” Laura tapped his arm.

“Laura!” He beamed and pulled her into a hug. “How long have you been here?”

“Just a little while. Where’s Danny?” she asked over the music.

He glanced around, “Somewhere around here, probably with some of the summer ladies. Do you want another drink?”

“Guys, come and see the piñata before we smash it to bits,” LaF emerged.

“ _Carmilla!_ ” LaF yelled, “ _No way!_ What are you doing here, dude?!”

Laura felt her stomach bottom out and turned around to see Carmilla Karnstein entering the living room.

 _Carmilla?!_ Carmilla was here?! Oh crap. Laura ran a hand though her hair and smoothed down her shirt, standing hidden conveniently behind Kirsch, she poked her head around him.

“LaF, it’s your birthday, wouldn’t miss it,” Carmilla said with a flawless smile.

“Well, you missed the last six, buddy!” LaFontaine laughed, pushing Carmilla’s shoulder. 

Carmilla chuckled and her eyes seemed to find Lauras as soon as she looked up, a small surprised smile.

“Laura, look. Carmilla’s here!” LaF said, fixing their hat and pointing at her.

“So, I see. Hi Carm,” Laura smiled, stepping out from behind Kirsch and fiddling with her bottle.

“Hi Cupcake,” Carmilla responded, her eyes sweeping down and up Laura’s body slowly. Laura chewed her lower lip.

“Carmilla, come, get a drink!” LaFontaine pulled Carmilla in the direction of the drinks table, her eyes lingering on Laura’s for a few moments more.

“What was that about?” Kirsch asked, smiling mischievously at her.

“What was _what_ about?” Laura asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

“I dunno…” Kirsch stared for a moment as if he was trying to get a read on her.

“We’re friends,” Laura said quickly not quite meeting his gaze.

“You and Carmilla are friends now?” he questioned, “Since when?”

“Since… Emily’s christening,” she forced a smile.

“Oh… okay,” Kirsch shrugged, he regarded her a few more seconds before heading in Carmilla’s direction.

Laura stared at her for a few minutes as she chatted with LaF and Kirsch, sipping her beer.

_God. She’s perfect. What was she doing here? She was always a no show at these sort of things._

“ _Ah_ … you’re staring at Carmilla, of course,” Danny laughed as she approached, “I wondered who you were giving that thirsty look.”

“Huh?” Laura turned, “Danny!” Laura held out an arm and they hugged quickly.

“Where’s Emily?” Laura asked, it has been a long time since she had seen Danny without little Emily somewhere nearby.

“She’s staying at Kirsch's moms, we’re having the night off… _God_ , that was the most momish thing I’ve ever said, wasn’t it?” she frowned.

“And I wasn’t staring at Carmilla,” Laura said with a frank nod.

Danny raised her brows, “Okay, sure,” she winked.

“ _I wasn’t_ ,” Laura frowned, glancing around consciously.

“What were you doing then?” Danny said, holding back a laugh. 

“I was thinking that… I liked her pants,” Laura made up on the spot, feeling her face grow warm.

Danny looked over the other guests at Carmilla as she talked with LaF, “I’m sure you do,” she smirked.

Laura followed her gaze, her eyes widened, Carmilla was wearing tight leather pants.

“Stop twisting everything,” Laura said, shaking her head as Danny started to laugh.

“I’m sorry, Laura. I’ll stop.” She raised a hand in submission. “What’s stopping _you_ though? Carmilla’s divorced now and you’re not seeing anyone, right?”

“Well no but, we’re over. It didn’t work out before and it still wouldn’t,” Laura shrugged, fiddling with the bottle in her hand.

“Are you sure, Laura?” Danny asked, sipping her drink, “Things are different now.”

“But that’s the thing, Danny. It’s not different at all, it’s the same. Carmilla is _exactly_ the same.” Laura said, looking over at Carmilla for a second before meeting Danny’s gaze. 

“You say that as if you’ve spent time with her?” Danny said, giving her a quizzical look.

Laura was about to respond but stopped herself, she sighed, “We’re… _friends_.”

Danny looked slightly taken aback at Laura’s words, “And that’s going to be enough for you?”

“Yes.” Laura said with a nod, “I need another drink, you coming?”

As the evening wore on, Laura wasn’t doing so intentionally but she was always aware of wherever Carmilla was. Right now, she was lingering near the kitchen in conversation with Kirsch and Perry, she hadn’t spoken to Laura since she’d arrived. That wasn’t very surprising, she was always surrounded by people, she was Carmilla Karnstein after all.

Laura sipped her drink as she listened to one of LaF’s friends talk about some boring computer program, her attention waning. Her eyes flickered around the room and landed on Carmilla once again. She looked over just as Laura did, they made eye contact. Laura gave her a small smile and then looked away, not wanting it to look like she was staring or anything… because she wasn’t. 

She tried to focus on the conversation in front of her, she forced herself to laugh when the others did and then couldn’t stop herself, she glanced back over in Carmilla’s direction.

She was gone. 

Laura scanned the room, she couldn’t see her.

“Cupcake?” 

She was startled when a voice spoke close to her and she turned quickly as Carmilla was stood right behind her holding up a cupcake.

“Carm, you scared me,” Laura breathed out a smile, feeling her face heat up.

She took the cupcake from Carmilla’s hand, their fingers brushing.

“I didn’t expect you to be here tonight,” Laura said, taking a few steps away from the others and leaning on the wall near where they were standing.

“Well, I was meant to be at an event but it got cancelled so, here I am,” Carmilla gave a little shrug, slipping her hands into the back pockets of her leather pants. 

“You look beautiful, Laura,” Carmilla said, boldly, but she bit down on her bottom lip and dipped her head down, giving Laura an almost vulnerable look as if she thought she may have said too much.

“I- _thank you_ , so do you, you always do…” Laura squeaked out, honestly.

“I’m sorry,” Laura added quickly .

“For what?” Carmilla raised as brow.

“For what happened... _before_ ,” Laura glanced around quickly before continuing, “At the christening. For just leaving like that and the note, but I couldn’t-” it seemed the alcohol may be loosening her tongue.

“Laura, its fine, I understand,” Carmilla said, bringing a hand up to Laura’s arm, “I’ll admit it wasn’t quite what I had wanted to wake up too-”

“ _Cake! It’s time for the cake_ _everyone_!” Perry yelled.

They stared at each other for a few seconds more before Carmilla dropped her arm and turned, making her way towards LaF and the cake as someone who sounded like Kirsch started singing _happy birthday_ and soon everyone joined in. 

*

 She’d watched Carmilla slip out into the back yard some time ago, she wasn’t keeping tabs on her or anything, Laura told herself, she’d just noticed.

It was getting late and the party had pretty much come to an end, the majority of people had left, the music had been switched off, LaF lay on the couch with their eyes closed, a tie knotted around their head and Perry was singing Dancing Queen to herself as she tidied the room.

Laura rose from the couch and headed toward the back yard, lingering in the doorway as she searched for Carmilla in the darkness.

“It’s a full moon,” She heard Carmilla say.

Laura whipped her head around, Carmilla was leaning on the wall of the house, looking up at the sky. 

She approached her side and imitated her stance, leaning on the wall beside her. Neither of them said anything for a moment or two. Laura glanced at Carmilla, her head was still angled as if she were still watching the skies but her eyes lingered on Laura.

“It’s late,” Laura stated, unable to handle the silence any longer.

“I have a meeting at 9am,” Carmilla smiled, her eyes widening as she seemed to suddenly realise that.

Laura huffed a laugh and Carmilla turned to face her.

“Are you cold?” Laura muttered, folding her arms.

Carmilla slipped off her jean jacket and held it out so Laura could slip it on.

“Thank you,” Laura felt her face heat up as she accepted the jacket.

It was warm and the collar touched her nose and smelt like Carmilla, it was perfect.

“No problem,” Carmilla said quietly, slipping her fingers into the pockets of her leather pants, “It-” 

“ _Don’t,”_ Laura interrupted, she tried and failed to hold back a smile and shook her head, licking her lower lip.

“What?” Carmilla asked with a smile, leaning her shoulder on the wall right next to her.

Laura inched a little closer to her, “You were going to say,  _it looks better on you anyway,_ ” rolling her eyes.

“Actually, I was going to say, the jacket is worth fifteen hundred dollars so don’t lose it,” Carmilla smirked, looking pleased with herself as Laura’s smile faded. “But it does look better on you, why don’t you keep it.”

“ _Fifteen hundred dollars?!_ ” Laura said, moving as if to remove it.

Carmilla reached forward and grabbed the front of the jacket, holding it so Laura couldn’t take it off. “Hey, don’t…”

“I’ve never bought anything worth fifteen hundred dollars,” Laura said, noticing that Carmilla’s hold on the front of the jacket pulled her close so they were now standing practically chest to chest. 

“I didn’t even pay for that jacket, it was given to me,” Carmilla said, letting one hand drop when she was certain Laura wouldn’t still try and remove it but kept one hand still clutching it as if she didn’t want to let her go. 

Laura looked up at her, they were both silent as they stared at each other.

“Although, I did pay fourteen hundred dollars for a new mattress last year. Is that expensive for a mattress?” Laura began to ramble. “I think it was on sale. The guy in the store said it was a good one, you should- _oh my god_ , I almost said, you should come over and try it out sometime. That sounds almost as bad as the, _it looks better on you_ comment, not that I meant it like that…”

Carmilla began to laugh quietly, shaking her head and Laura stopped rambling, staring at Carmilla as she laughed, she looked so beautiful.

“You want me to try out your mattress, Cupcake?” Carmilla smirked, reaching up to fix the collar the jacket that Laura was now wearing and resting her hands on Laura’s shoulders.

“I… not in the way that…” Laura swallowed, lost in Carmilla’s gaze, “… you are implying.”

 “I’m sorry, what am I implying?” Carmilla licked her lower lip as she smirked. 

Laura stared at her mouth, “Like… more than just… sleeping,” she whispered. 

Kissing Carmilla seemed inevitable at this point, how could she not? She tilted her head up and their lips brushed together. She let her eyes slip closed as she pressed herself closer.

Laura released a breathy moan as she was suddenly pressed up against the wall and they kissed intensely. Carmilla gripped tightly at the collar of her jacket, deepening the kiss as she slanted her head to the side. Laura grabbed at Carmilla’s waist as she processed what was happening and slipped her hand up into the hair on the back of her neck.

Carmilla hummed into the kiss, pressing herself even closer, her hand landing on the wall next to Laura’s head.

“ _Laura?”_  

“ _Laura?”_

They both froze…

“ _Laura?”_

Carmilla slipped to the side, leaning on the wall next to her with a groan as LaFontaine appeared in the doorway.

“Oh, I thought you’d left without saying good- _wait_ , did I just _…_ interrupt something?” They began to smirk.

Laura cleared her throat, “Nope,” she shook her head quickly.

“ _Ha_ , sure,” they didn’t look convinced at all as they grinned. They shook their head and headed back inside.

Laura knocked her head on the wall with a sigh, great, she’d never hear the end of this now.

“Come on,” she said, gripping Carmilla’s arm for a moment before heading for the door.

“The party was great, LaF,” Laura said, entering the room and not quite meeting LaF’s gaze as they helped Perry tidy up.

“Are you guys heading home?” They asked, they smiled knowingly but didn’t say anything, 

Laura nodded, rubbing the back of her neck uncomfortably.

“Thanks for coming. Are you leaving together?” they smirked.

Laura glanced where Carmilla just entered the room behind her, “We um…”

“Sure,” Carmilla said, completely at ease, placing a hand on Laura’s shoulder for a moment before heading over to LaFontaine.

“See ya, LaF,” Carmilla said, tapping their shoulder.

“Here take these,” Perry left the kitchen holding tupperware containers full of cookies and cupcakes.

“Ooh, I’ll take those,” Laura smiled, crossing the room toward her, forgetting about the embarrassment she felt for a few moments.

“Get home safe, guys,” LaF grinned from ear to ear as they both made their way toward the exit.

Laura glanced back at them over her shoulder, attempting to give them a menacing look but they just beamed harder.

“How _are_ you getting home? Where do you live?” Laura asked Carmilla once they’d reached the street outside.

“I live _way_ on the other side of town,” Carmilla said, pulling out her phone, “I was going to catch a cab.”

 “Or… you could if you wanted to, stay at my place. I mean, I live only a couple blocks away from here if you… wanted to?” Laura asked, she gave Carmilla an unsure look and a little half shrug. 

“Your place?” Carmilla looked up from her phone.

“…Yeah?” Laura said quietly as they made eye contact.

“Okay, sure,” Carmilla smiled, slipping her phone into her back pocket.

“This way,” Laura whispered, smiling at the ground as she turned.

“How have you been?” Laura asked, after a few quiet minutes, glancing sideways at Carmilla as they walked. She was certain the both of them were probably still thinking about that kiss and what it meant. “These past couple months couldn’t have been easy for you with the divorce and the media and everything.”

Carmilla gave a small shrug, “I don’t really see any of it to be honest, unless you include the paparazzi, but you know what they say, any exposure helps I guess.” 

“Do you agree with that?” Laura asked with a frown.

“I don’t agree that _I_ need any more exposure.”

“Why, because you’re so popular?” Laura responded, glancing at Carmilla to try and gauge her response.

“Well… _yeah_ ,” Carmilla nodded, pushing a hand through her hair.

“Wow, full of yourself much… not that you shouldn’t be,” Laura smiled.

“I’m not being conceited, I’m just… _a realist_. I know how popular I am,” Carmilla responded.

Laura nodded, looking down at her shoes as they walked, “I guess that’s true, I’m glad you’re doing okay though... Do you _like_ it?”

“Like what?” Carmilla asked, meeting her gaze.

“The popularity.”

Carmilla seemed to consider this question for a moment, she glanced up the street and sighed, “To an extent… I like that people enjoy my music. It can be a little too much sometimes but I’d feel like I was lying if I gave a straight yes, no, answer to that.”

“You’re used to it, I guess,” Laura said after a moment.

“Again… to an extent,” Carmilla nodded. “It’s not something you really get used to.”

“Your new song, it really is good, I’ve um… listened to it a few times actually,” she admitted.

_More than a few…_

“It’s funny, well, not funny but… when we broke up, I never let myself listen to any of your music, I just _couldn’t_ do it, I felt better just distancing myself from you but… lately I’ve heard it _a lot_ and it’s all pretty good,” Laura blushed, chewing her lower lip, she wasn’t sure why she was admitting this.

 “That’s-” Carmilla shook her head and chuckled although it looked like she found nothing funny.

“What?” Laura asked, pausing. _Should she not have said that?_  

“Nothing,” Carmilla shook her head again and gestured for Laura to keep walking.

“This is me, actually,” Laura said, nodding toward the building ahead of them.

They ascended the stairs outside the building and were both silent as they stepped onto the elevator. Laura glanced sideways at Carmilla, she was leaning against the wall and staring at the doors intently.

“What’s wrong?” Laura asked, frowning. “Is it what I said?”

Carmilla sighed and pinched at the bridge of her nose, “It’s nothing, really.” 

The elevator doors opened and Laura stepped off, staring closely at Carmilla.

“If it’s nothing then why won’t you just tell me?” Laura asked as they reached her apartment door.

“ _Fine_ , can we just…” Carmilla gestured toward the apartment door.

“Take these,” Laura said, handing over the tupperware containers she’d forgotten she was holding and unlocking her door.

They stepped inside, Laura switched on the nearby lamps, not feeling the need for the overhead light. She took the tupperware containers into the kitchen and returned to the living room where Carmilla was taking it in the space with interest.

“This is nice,” Carmilla smiled.

“It’s probably not quite what you’re used to these days,” Laura shrugged, rubbing her hands on her thighs nervously.

“This feels like a home… where I live, it feels like... well, it doesn’t feel like home to me,” Carmilla said, running her hand along the back of the couch. 

“Can I get you something? A drink?” Laura asked.

Carmilla shook her head, they made eye contact for first time since entering the apartment. 

“What is it, Carm?” Laura asked, shaking her head. 

“It’s just… you said you wouldn’t listen to any of my music and that’s fine, that’s completely understandable actually-”

“It _is_ about what I said,” Laura interrupted, closing her eyes with a frown.

 “No,” Carmilla shook her head, “It’s funny that you say that because… every single song I’ve _ever_ written, was written for you… they were _all_ meant for you. Laura, you were the only person I ever _wanted_ to listen to my music.” 

Laura’s breath caught in her throat and she blinked as she tried to process Carmilla’s words.

“Oh,” was all she managed to say. 

Carmilla nodded and looked down at the ground, she rubbed at her temple agitatedly, “See? This is why I wasn’t going to say anything, you didn’t need to know that.”

Laura reached out a hand to Carmilla’s arm and she paused, they made eye contact.

“So, the song, your new song… Is it…” Laura whispered.

“Written about you? Yes,” Carmilla said quickly, looking uncharacteristically vulnerable.

“I thought so,” Laura said, she leaned forward and kissed her.

Carmilla was slow to react but she brought her hands up to Laura’s face after a moment, the kiss was different than the kiss they had shared earlier, this kiss was gentler and meaningful but still felt just as passionate.

When their lips separated and Carmilla’s forehead came to rest on her brow, Laura sucked in a deep breath and kissed her again, her hands slipping around Carmilla’s back to pull her closer.

Carmilla groaned, pushing herself closer still, Laura stumbled back slightly but managed to keep her footing as Carmilla pushed the jacket of Laura’s shoulders and onto the floor.

Laura sucked in a ragged breath, smiling against Carmilla’s lips, “Careful that jacket is worth-”

“I don’t care,” Carmilla interrupted, treading on the jacket as they stumbled back further and Laura’s laugh was cut off as they kissed again.

They stumbled down the hall to her bedroom, Laura lost her shoes and shirt along the way.

Laura tugged up Carmilla’s shirt and she pulled it over her head. Laura threw two sweaters and pair of pants off her bed onto the floor and Carmilla hurriedly pulled off her boots. 

Carmilla smiled as she was pushed down onto the sheets, “I know you wanted me to try out your new mattress, Cupcake, but I didn’t think you meant tonight,” Carmilla whispered, as Laura kissed down her throat.

Laura paused then, lifting her head to look down at Carmilla who looked entirely pleased with herself.

“You know what, I changed my mind,” Laura teased, sitting up on the Carmilla’s thighs and moving as if to climb off of her.

“ _No, no, no_ ,” Carmilla said, hurriedly, sitting up and kissing Laura before she had could escape.

Laura pushed her back against the sheets, “You’re lucky I like you,” she whispered against Carmilla’s lips as she reached to undo her pants.

*

 

 Laura awoke the next morning to the sound of a phone ringing, she blinked open an eye… She was almost certain that wasn’t her phone…

She tensed as she felt movement behind her and realised a hand was on her ribs and then lips began to glide along the back of her shoulder.

“Ignore it,” Carmilla whispered close to her ear and Laura couldn’t help but smile, moving to lay on her back, glancing at the time, 9.20.

Carmilla’s hand started to explore her ribs and Laura closed her eyes sleepily as the phone began to chime again. Carmilla groaned into her shoulder and tightened her grip.

Laura sighed and sat up much to Carmilla’s displeasure and reached down for Carmilla’s pants, pulling out her phone.

She lay back down, handing the phone to Carmilla who frowned as she answered the call. 

“What?” Carmilla said, groggily.

She listened for a few seconds and pouted. Laura tried not to smile but sleepy Carmilla was kind of adorable.

“Can’t you just… handle it without me?” She groaned, rubbing a tired eye.

“I don’t care, Willy boy- No, bye,” she hung up the phone, flinging it towards the bottom of the bed and lay a kiss on Laura’s shoulder, her collar bone and then her cheek.

Laura reached up to try and tame Carmilla’s wild bed hair and ran a thumb over her cheek. They kissed languidly for a few moments and then Carmilla sighed, “I gotta go to this meeting,” she whispered.

 “I thought you just said you weren’t going,” Laura murmured, trying to not let her disappointment show.

“I have to,” Carmilla said, stretching a little as she moved to stand.

Laura frowned as she watched Carmilla move around the room, collecting her clothes. _This is what it was always like, Carmilla always had somewhere else to be…_ _God, what the hell was she_ doing?! _Why was she allowing herself to fall back in with Carmilla like this when it was all just going fall to pieces again?_

Carmilla sat next to her on the edge of the bed as she pulled on her boots. She turned with a small smile, hoovering over Laura and she couldn’t help but make eye contact.

“Kiss me,” Carmilla whispered. 

Laura lifted her chin a little inviting Carmilla to lean down the rest of the way and they kissed gently for a moment. Laura was angry with herself, she shouldn’t have let this happen. Even now, she didn’t want to pull away, her heart rate picked up and her hands wanted to rake through Carmilla’s hair and pull her closer.

Carmilla’s eyes stayed closed as their lips separated and Laura let her head drop back onto the pillow. A moment of silence passed and Carmilla slowly opened her eyes.

“Laura, I-”

The irritating chime of Carmilla’s phone filled the room again and Carmilla pulled away, turning to search the sheets for her phone.

“ _I’m coming_!” She yelled disconnecting the call as soon as she’d answered it.

Laura sat up, pulling the sheets up to cover herself.

“I’m sorry,” Carmilla said, shaking her head, she looked like she wanted to say something more.

“Just go,” Laura said with a sigh, gesturing toward the door. 

Carmilla didn’t move for moment or so, she bit down on her lip as she lingered.

Her phone began to ring in her hand again and she glanced down angrily at it, she silenced it, “Laura, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” Carmilla spoke as if she knew how much of a mistake leaving right now would be.

“Carm, it doesn’t matter, we’re not together. We’re not a thing, you don’t have to be sorry. You don’t owe me anything,” Laura responded calmly, although she wanted to yell and be angry with Carmilla, she felt she had no right to be, they weren’t a couple, there were no rules here.

“Right,” Carmilla sighed, she moved towards the door and lingered for a moment longer, glancing back at Laura as if she were about to say something more but shook her head and left the room.

A few seconds later, Laura heard the apartment door close and she lay back on her bed, deflated.

_Why had she let this happen? She knew she’d end up hurt in the end…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song referenced in his chapter are
> 
> Still Falling for you - Ellie Goulding  
> Kiss Me - Ed Sheeran  
> Francis Forever - Mitski


	3. How Long Will I Love You

Laura twisted her key in the lock and pushed the apartment door open with her hip, before grabbing her bag of groceries off the floor by her feet.

The buzz of her phone distracted her momentarily, she dropped the groceries onto the kitchen counter and wriggled her phone free from the pocket of her jacket, well, Carmilla’s jacket technically which Laura had found lying across the back of her couch yesterday morning.

Laura had slipped the jacket on today, she wasn’t sure why… _well_ , she’d told herself it was out of convenience, she’d needed a jacket and there was one right there. She wouldn’t let herself think about how wearing the jacket made her feel just a _little_ closer to Carmilla.

Her brow raised as she stared at her phone, she was certain it was going to be LaF, she’d just spoken to them a half an hour ago, they’d been asking questions about her and Carmilla but it was a number she didn’t recognise.

“ _Hello?_ ” Laura answered curiously, she didn’t remember giving her number to anyone but in her line of work it wasn’t rare to receive unexpected calls.

“Laura?”

She blinked in surprise, eyes widening, she certainly hadn’t been expecting that voice, “ _Carm?”_

“Hey, Cupcake, you still have the same number,” Carmilla said with a small chuckle. “Guess I’d convinced myself you’d changed your number just so I wouldn’t be tempted to call you… well… that’s not really true, I was always tempted.”

Laura turned, leaning heavily on the countertop, forgetting all about her groceries as she tried to process Carmilla's meandering words.

“Yeah, um…” she shook her head, “Is everything okay?” She asked, _why would Carmilla be calling her?_

“Yeah, guess I just wanted to touch base, you know, after what happened yesterday. I felt like a dick leaving like that,” Carmilla said with a sigh.

Laura closed her eyes and cringed, refraining from banging her head off the countertop with shame. _Carmilla wanted to make sure she was okay after she’d had to leave the day before. Except Laura had done the exact same thing to her 3 months ago and what she’d done now seemed ten times worse because at least Carmilla was still there in the morning…_

“You totally didn’t have to,” Laura squeaked out with a wince.

“Of course I did. I mean, were friends now, right? Friends check in on each other. Especially considering the… _situation_ ,” Carmilla responded cooly.

“Yeah, totally, _friends_ ,” Laura chewed her lip, she wasn’t sure what to say.

“I’m sorry for leaving, Laura but I-” 

“Carm, it’s fine, honestly. You have _absolutely_ no obligation to me,” Laura interrupted, pushing a hand through her hair.

She heard Carmilla sigh again, “Laura, you’re talking as if it was just some arbitrary one night stand, you must know that’s not what you are to me?”

“Yes, I know that but… you still don’t owe me anything,” Laura's heart was beating hard against her chest. 

“Can we… can we talk about this?” Carmilla asked, sounding a little on edge now.

“What is there to say?” Laura said quietly.

Carmilla was silent, Laura momentarily thought she had ended the call but then she spoke.

“Did it not… mean anything to you?”

“It did,” Laura replied automatically, “I mean… how could it not? But, like you said… we’re _friends_ _now_ , right?

“Friends…” Carmilla whispered.

Laura frowned, she almost wished they were having this conversation face to face, at least she’d be able to get a read on Carmilla. She shook her head, deciding the safest thing to do was to change the subject.

“Have you spoken to LaF?” She asked.

“LaF? No, why?”

“They’re asking questions after their little interruption the other night,” Laura said, starting to unpack her groceries with one hand.

“What did you say?” Carmilla asked curiously.

“Nothing. I politely told them to butt out,” Laura said, “They’ll probably interrogate you later.”

“Thanks, now I’ll have to deal with them,” Carmilla said, she sounded annoyed but Laura was certain if she could see Carmilla now she would be smiling.

Laura chuckled, shaking her head.

“Did I leave my share of the cupcakes from LaF’s at your place?” Carmilla asked, almost teasingly.

“No… _yes_ ,” Laura admitted with a smile.

“Cutie, you can have them,” Carmilla chuckled.

“Thanks, Carm,” Laura said, relaxing as the conversation shifted, “You know, you did forget your-”

“Wait, hang on a sec…” Carmilla interrupted and Laura heard a small chuckle. “Guess who’s calling me?”

“L- _LaF?_ ” Laura bit her lip to hold back a laugh.

“ _It’s LaF_ ,” Carmilla groaned.

Laura giggled.

“Laura, what the hell do I say?” She asked quickly.

“They’re not stupid, they _know_ what happened. Tell them to mind their own business.” Laura shrugged. 

“Fine. I’ll talk to you soon, Cupcake.”

Laura stared at her phone for a moment or two after the call ended, she chewed her lip and couldn’t help but smile.

*

Laura yawned and pulled her hair up into a messy bun on top of her head as it started to heat up in her kitchen. She stirred the pasta in the pot and hummed along to the music floating through from her living room.

Her phone buzzed in the pocket of her sweat pants and she reached for it lazily.

_Crap, it was Carmilla…_

It had been two days since their phone call, they had texted a handful of times since then but that had only been Carmilla letting her know about LaF.

“Carm?” She answered the phone.

Hey Laura, are you home?” Carmilla asked, hurriedly. 

“What?” Laura responded, her eyebrows knitting together.

“I’m outside your apartment. Are you home?” Carmilla asked again, her voice quiet.

“Hang on,” she quickly turned down the heat and headed to the front door to buzz her up.

“I’ll be up in a sec,” Carmilla said, she ended the call.

Laura opened the front door and headed back into the kitchen to tend to her pasta.

 _Great, she looked like shit, some forewarning would have been great_ , Laura thought, adjusting her tank top self-consciously.

She heard the front door closing a few moments later and turned to face Carmilla.

“Hey,” Carmilla smiled, looking a little uneasy, removing her sunglasses and running a hand through her hair.

“Everything okay?” Laura asked, giving Carmilla a small smile and wondering why exactly she was here.

“I’m sorry, I hope you don’t mind but I was being followed by a tonne of paparazzi and I had nowhere else to go and I was-”

“ _Hey, hey_ , no problem, Carm, don’t worry about it,” Laura said, approaching her and placing her hands just above her elbows. “Are you sure you’re okay?” She asked again, giving her arms a light reassuring squeeze.

They stared at each other for a moment before Carmilla nodded and relaxed, releasing a breath. 

Laura smiled and turned back to her stove, “What were you doing near my place anyway?" 

“I was um… just in the area,” Carmilla shrugged off her jacket, glancing around the apartment.

“Well, make yourself at home. Do you want pasta?” Laura asked, turning off the heat.

Laura turned when Carmilla didn’t respond and watched her walking into the corner of her living room.

“You still have that old guitar we bought all those years ago…” Carmilla said, reaching for the guitar as it was shoved down the side of a bookcase and the wall.

They’d bought that thing just out of college, Carmilla had her own guitar of course but she’d seen it at a garage sale and just couldn’t leave it behind. She’d drunkenly carved C + L on the front the night they’d bought it and she’d sung songs to Laura all night. That was before the record deal, and the albums, and the touring, and the fame.

 “Oh yeah,” Laura flushed, shoving her hands into the pockets of her pants as she followed Carmilla, “It’s probably dusty as hell actually, nobody’s touched that thing in years.”

Carmilla turned to face her with a reminiscent smile, “Do you remember buying this?” Her finger ran over the carving of their initials on the front.

“Of course, you played that thing all night, it was um…” Laura blinked and shook her head.

“What?” Carmilla asked, glancing up at her from the guitar.

 “That night... It was… probably one of the best nights of my life. I’d never been so happy... carefree,” Laura admitted with a blush.

 Carmilla smiled tenderly, “Cupcake, believe me, I’ve thought about that night a lot over the years…” She sat on the back of the couch, and set the guitar on her lap, picking at the strings, tuning it up.

Laura watched silently, feeling nervousness settle within her, was Carmilla going to play? Of course she wanted to hear her sing again but… that would make her feel things she shouldn’t be feeling.

Carmilla glanced her at her once she finished tuning the guitar, “Any suggestions?”

Laura shook her head quickly, biting down on her lower lip.

_Oh crap… she was definitely going to sing._

“How about an old favourite…” Carmilla responded with a subtle smile.

“ _Wise men say… only fools rush in_ ,” Carmilla started to sing.

Laura felt both queasy and thrilled at the same time. _Carmilla was singing, Carmilla was singing to her._

“Is that Elvis?” Laura blurted out, rubbing at the back of her neck. She knew exactly what it was, Carmilla used to sing that song to her all the time back in that tiny dorm room of theirs.

Carmilla looked up at her and smiled, not at all bothered by Laura’s interruption.

“ _But I can’t help…”_

“Do you know any Spice Girls?” Laura interjected awkwardly.

Carmilla smiled wider, _“…falling in love with you.”_

 _God,_ she flushed, _why was she singing this?_  

_“Shall I stay… would it be a sin?”_

“How about some Abba?” Laura said, erratically. “ _Everybody_ loves Abba." 

Carmilla smiled again, keeping eye contact with her as she sang. Laura was suddenly feeling extremely hot.

_“If I can’t help falling in love with you…”_

She paused then, glancing back down at the guitar. _“_ This guitar brings back a lot of good memories, I’m glad you kept it.”

Laura nodded, thinking about that song made her eyes burn and her throat feel constricted. She fidgeted on the spot, trying not to become too overwhelmed.

“You can have it, if you want it,” Laura whispered.

Carmilla traced her fingers over the wonky carvings of their initials again and then shook her head, “It lives here with you.”

She rose from her perch on the back of the couch and slotted the guitar back into place beside the bookcase.

“Do you want some food?” Laura asked as Carmilla’s gaze shifted to the books.

She turned and they made eye contact.

“Sure,” she smiled.

Laura nodded and turned, heading back to the kitchen.

 

 

Laura placed a plate of pasta in front of Carmilla and walked around her with her own so they sat side by side at the small kitchen isle.

“Thanks, Cupcake,” Carmilla smiled, picking up her fork.

“Well, I was eating anyway, it would have been rude not to offer you some,” Laura smiled with a shrug, stabbing a piece of pasta with her fork.

She stared at her plate, eating intently as a few moments of silence passed until Laura looked up to grab her glass of water and noticed Carmilla was looking at her.

“Is it okay?” Laura asked, worrying that something was wrong.

“It’s great, surprisingly,” Carmilla smirked.

“ _Surprisingly?_ ” Laura looked to her, feeling a tad offended.

“Do you remember what it used to be like? Neither of us could cook a damn thing,” Carmilla chuckled, looking down at her plate.

“I guess I’ve learnt a thing or two these past few years, besides pasta is easy,” Laura reasoned.

“Do you remember that time your dad was visiting us in that crappy apartment and I completely ruined that… what was it? Chicken or something,” Carmilla said, shaking her head at the memory.

“Yeah, Perry threw together that casserole last minute,” Laura laughed. “What about that time you made us sandwiches and I was sick for a week. _Sandwiches_ , Carm, how could you possibly go wrong with sandwiches?” 

Carmilla winced, “Cupcake, I’m still sorry about that. That was… _that was bad_.”

“And my dad-” Laura laughed unable to finish what she was saying.

“Yeah, your dad thought you were at deaths door,” Carmilla laughed, “And he already hated me! God, I just really cemented that hatred, didn’t I?” Carmilla ran a hand through her hair, shaking her head.

“ _Hey_ ,” she gripped Carmilla’s forearm, “My dad did _not hate you_ ,” Laura said once she’d calmed down enough to talk, “He thought you were great actually and he still occasionally asks about you. Though before recent events I never really had a response to give."

“How is your dad?” she asked, sipping her drink.

“Sherman is doing great, he met a nice lady at book club and they live together now,” Laura said with a nod.

“Really? That’s great, do you like her?”

“Carole? She’s nice, I haven’t spent too much time with her, I'll admit. She makes my dad happy, I guess that’s all that matters.”

They ate in silence for a moment or two.

“So, Karnstein… you’ve tasted my signature dish. I guess it’s only fair you repay the favour,” Laura joked, moving food around the plate idly with her fork.

“Pasta’s your signature dish?” Carmilla chuckled, raising an eyebrow.

“Not the point, Carm,” Laura glanced sideways at her.

“Right, you should come over sometime and I’ll order take out,” Carmilla said with a wink.

 “That sounds nice actually,” Laura laughed, stopping when their arms brushed together.

_Had she moved closer? She hadn’t done so intentionally._

“I’m kidding. I can cook, I’m actually very good at breakfast foods,” Carmilla said, turning to face her more fully.

“Well, maybe you can make me breakfast sometime,” Laura said, unthinking.

She squirmed in her seat, blushing, “No, that- I wasn’t insinuating that you would be making me breakfast after some kind of sleepover... not that a _sleepover_ is bad but the connotations of making breakfast for me kind of suggested that it would be after some kind of intimacy-”

 Carmilla stared at her, looking entirely amused.

“Cupcake, I’d love to make you breakfast sometime,” she smirked and hopped off of her seat, grabbing her plate, moving to wash it up.

Laura released a breath and wanted to face palm her plate. Could she not go five minutes without embarrassing herself?

She collected herself after a few minutes, hoping Carmilla wouldn’t bring it up again, grabbing her own plate and moving over to the sink also.

Carmilla grabbed the plate from her as she approached her side.

“I can do that,” Laura said quietly.

 “No, I got it,” Carmilla responded, focusing on the task.

Laura leaned on the side next to her, watching her.

Carmilla was beautiful, she loved the way her brow furrowed as she concentrated and the way her tongue ran over her lower lip, her sharp kissable jawline, and her dark eyes which Laura could get lost in for days.

“Laura?” Carmilla whispered.

Laura blinked out of her trance, realizing she’d been staring. _Christ, what was wrong with her?!_

“Do you have a towel?” Carmilla asked.

Laura cleared her throat, glancing around the kitchen, “Of course, here,” she said, grabbing one quickly and practically throwing it at her.

Carmilla smiled as she dried her hands.

“Everything okay there, Cupcake?"

Laura nodded, “Yep, _everything’s great_. No problems here.” She flushed, _why the hell was she so jittery? “_ Um… I- What do you wanna do now?” She swallowed, glancing up at Carmilla.

Carmilla took a step closer, “Oh, I can think of a few things,” she whispered, suggestively, her gaze falling to Laura’s lips.

Laura’s jaw went slack, she stopped breathing for a moment and gripped the countertop behind her firmly.

Carmilla reached up to push a strand of loose hair behind Laura’s ear.

She watched Carmilla’s face loom closer, could feel her warm breath on her face. She desperately wanted to slide her hands in Carmilla’s hair and push her up against the fridge and do things she knew she really shouldn’t do…

 “I can’t,” Laura whispered, unmoving.

Carmilla paused and frowned, “Why not?”

“Because- _Because I can’t_ … not again. Every time this happens all of my stupid messy hopes come tumbling out and feelings, and… _we’re not together_ and it’s too much, and it’s-”

“Okay,” Carmilla interrupted, taking a small step back, “Laura... what do you want me to do?” she asked, sounding a little defeated.

“I’m not asking you to do anything,” Laura said, sullenly.

“ _Tell me_ , what can I do here, Laura, to make things right,” Carmilla responded aggravatedly, pushing a hand through her hair.

“Carm, the reason we broke up was because you weren’t there for me. I didn’t feel like we were together even when we were, I was _always_ alone. I _can’t_ live like that… It will never work, I can’t go through that again,” Laura blinked as her eyes stung with tears and she swallowed harshly a lump in her throat.

Carmilla shook her head, “Do you have any idea what that was like for me? That was the most important time in my life, it was my career!”

“ _I know_ but I can’t do this. You’re making me feel things I can’t feel with you... when we broke up, it was _so hard_ for me-” Laura sucked in a shaky breath, tears threatening to spill over.

“ _Hard for you?!_ Do you not think I had a hard time, Laura? I was going through something _huge_ and new and scary but I always knew I could get through it because I had _you_ … _and then you broke up with me!_ _You!_ You ended this, not me! And you know what’s _crazy,_ Laura... even now, even after you _broke my heart_ , after everything, after years, I still want you. I still-” Carmilla sighed, shaking her head as tears began to slide down her face, she turned away, leaning on the kitchen isle, appearing to take a few calming breaths.

“Carm…” Laura wiped tears away from her own face and placed a hand on Carmilla’s arm, “I’m sorry. _I’m so sorry,”_ she cried.

Carmilla glanced sideways at her and sighed, “ _Laura,”_ she rolled her eyes and reached over, pulling Laura into a hug.

She wrapped her arms tightly around Carmilla’s waist and began to sob into her neck.

“I don’t know what to do, I’m sorry. I can’t feel like this…not again,” Laura cried.

“I completely know how you feel, Cupcake,” Carmilla said, running a soothing hand through Laura’s hair.

“Don’t go,” Laura said suddenly, squeezing Carmilla tighter, her hands gripping at her shirt, “Don’t go yet.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Carmilla whispered.

They stayed like that for a long time, they both cried quietly in each other’s arms until Laura started to feel exhausted, whispered, “Will you lay down with me for a while?”

She pulled away slowly, looking up into Carmilla’s eyes, “Of course,” she responded quietly, bringing her hands up to Laura’s cheeks, she placed a kiss on her brow.

Laura took her hand and they moved slowly toward her bedroom, Carmilla kicked off her shoes as Laura sat down in the centre of her bed and held out a hand to her in the dark.

She lay down next to her with a sigh and Laura clambered closer, hiding her face in Carmilla’s neck and wrapping an arm around her. 

Carmilla’s hands fell to her waist as their legs tangled together and Laura fell still.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered into Carmilla’s neck.

“I’m sorry too,” Carmilla whispered back. 

*

 Laura sighed, she was so warm and relaxed, she could feel a comforting hand tracing patterns slowly up and down her back. She was so perfectly content, just seconds away from falling back to sleep when she felt movement underneath her.

She blinked open her eyes, memories of the night before dawning on her almost instantly and she froze, assessing the situation.

Carmilla was still there, Laura was lying with her head resting on her chest. 

“You’re finally awake,” Carmilla whispered, huskily, “Since when did I wake up before you?”

Laura regained the use of her limbs quickly, untangling their legs and slipping off of Carmilla to the side.

“I’m sorry,” Laura said quickly, “I’m sorry for last night, my breakdown and everything... Am I keeping you from something? You probably have somewhere to be. It’s fine, you can totally go, you should have just left last night, I’m sor-”

“Laura, I never would have left,” Carmilla said with a warm smile. “And no, I don’t have anywhere to be,” she said, stretching her limbs, languidly. They were both still fully dressed, Carmilla was wearing jeans, Laura felt a little guilty, that couldn’t have been the most comfortable night for her.

“Oh…” Was Laura’s response. Carmilla had _nowhere_ to be? There was no phone ringing or meetings to attend or cars waiting outside. That idea was almost so foreign to Laura she didn’t know how to react.  

“Do… do you want _breakfast?_ ” she asked, unsure.

Carmilla smiled, sitting up, running a hand through her hair, “Sure, I’ll make the pancakes and you make the coffee?”

She hopped off the bed before Laura had a chance to respond and disappeared from the room. Laura lay still on her back, she hadn’t expected this.

“You getting up, Cupcake? Or do you want breakfast in bed?” Carmilla yelled from down the hall after a few minutes and Laura scrambled to her feet.

After a quick trip to the bathroom, Laura wandered into the kitchen as Carmilla stretched her arm up to grab something from a cupboard above her head. Her shirt riding up to reveal a stretch of pale skin, Laura wanted to wrap her arms around her and places kisses down her jaw. But she couldn’t do that so instead she settled for pushing those feelings aside and making the coffee.

This had been their routine once, Carmilla would make breakfast, usually just toast or whatever she could throw together, and Laura would make the coffee, that had been their Sunday morning routine at one time. They seemed to fall back into the pattern as if no time had passed at all.

Laura walked carefully around Carmilla to the fridge, avoiding contact. Had this been several years ago she might have placed her hands on her waist and leant up to place a kiss or two on her cheek as she passed but that sort of thing probably wasn’t appropriate right now.

That didn’t stop Laura from staring at her as she finished up her mixture and headed over to the stove, singing quietly to herself, _“_ _Loving you was young, and wild, and free. Loving you was cool, and hot, and sweet. Loving you was sunshine, safe and sound. A steady place to let down my defences-_ Where do you keep the-” Carmilla turned just as Laura slammed into her, wrapping her arms tightly around her waist.

“ _Woah_ ,” Carmilla sucked in a breath, having to reach out a hand to the counter beside her to keep her balance. “Not to suggest I’m not enjoying this but what did I do? … Please tell me so I can make sure to do it again in the future.”

“Thank you for staying,” she whispered into Carmilla’s shirt, gripping it tightly.

“Cupcake… there’s no other place I’d rather have been,” She said, her arms wrapping around Laura’s shoulders, she placed a kiss on her head.

“Really? Are you sure you wouldn’t rather have been... I don't know, on a beach in the south of France?” Laura mumbled with a smile, unmoving from her position.

“Hmm, as good as that sounds… nope, _definitely not_ ,” Carmilla smiled. 

When Laura eventually found the strength to pull away, Carmilla's hands rubbed up and down the tops of Laura’s arms comfortingly and they made eye contact. It occurred to Laura that they probably needed to have a conversation about what happened last night. They’d both admitted a few things in the heat of the moment. Laura wished she hadn’t mentioned her stupid messy hopes and feelings.

“Do you have a specific pan you use for pancakes or should I just grab one?” Carmilla said, effectively diffusing the tension.

 

 

“Hmm, you always make the best coffee, Laura,” Carmilla said as she sipped from her mug, they sat together at the kitchen isle, Laura paused as she ate her pancakes.

“Really?” She had always assumed that was just something Carmilla would say back when they were dating just to make her feel good.

“I’m very serious when it comes to coffee,” Carmilla nodded, picking up her fork. 

“You were right by the way,” Laura smiled playfully.

“About what?” Carmilla asked intrigued, raising a brow.

“You are pretty good at breakfast foods.”

“This is nothing, you haven’t tried my muffins yet,” Carmilla smirked. Laura watched her teeth bite down on her lower lip enticingly.

 _God, this feels so good,_ Laura thought. _Too good, so good that it circled around into feeling almost painful._ She frowned at her pancakes. _How did she ever think she could be just friends with Carmilla?_

“What are your plans for today?” Carmilla asked as she slowly ate her pancakes, completely oblivious to Laura's inner plight.

“Um… catch up on some work, you know, the usual Sunday stuff, nothing _too_ exciting,” Laura said with a casual shrug.

“I thought the usual Sunday for you was cookies and whatever TV show you’re currently obsessed with,” Carmilla glanced up with a smile.

“Exactly,” Laura grinned. “What about you?”

“I need to make a few phone calls later,” Carmilla said, sitting up straighter and stretching her back casually with a small wince.

Laura watched her, “What’s wrong?”

“My backs a little…” Carmilla rolled her shoulder back. “It’s just a… _niggle._ I don’t know, probably from lying in the same position most of the night.”

“ _I’m sorry_ ,” Laura’s eyes widened, “That’s my- you should have just pushed me off. Are you in pain?”

“Cupcake, stop apologizing,” Carmilla said, picking up her coffee. “I’ll live.”

“Here, I can rub it or-” Laura said, hopping down from her chair.

“Um… no, no, thank you,” Carmilla said, straightening up in her seat and looking marginally uncomfortable at the idea.

“You’re probably right, I’d make it worse, wouldn’t I?” Laura frowned at her leftover pancakes, sitting back down. 

“ _No,_ that’s not what I- I just don’t know whether it’s a good idea to have your _hands_ rubbing all over me,” Carmilla said, holding eye contact. 

Laura opened her mouth as if to speak and paused, “… _Oh_.”

“Not that I wouldn’t enjoy it,” Carmilla smiled.

Laura blinked, she could feel her face heating up, “I do have _some_ restraint, Carm.”

“It’s not you I’m worried about, Cutie,” she said, raising her brows.

Carmilla slipped off her stool and grabbed her plate, “I’m sure you wouldn’t want anyone to intrude on your Sunday so I’ll leave you to it.”

“ _Huh? No…_ You don’t have to go, you could _never_ intrude,” Laura replied quickly, vigorously shaking her head, not that Carmilla could see as she washed her plate. 

_Had she done something wrong? Maybe the massage thing wasn’t entirely appropriate._

Carmilla turned to face her, “I would but… I think I just need to… clear my head.”

Laura nodded, not hiding her frown of disappointment, “Okay.”

Carmilla disappeared towards Laura’s bedroom and returned moments later, wearing her boots.

“Hopefully I won’t drop by so _spontaneously_ next time,” she said, approaching her.

Laura smiled and slid off her stool, following Carmilla over to the door, “I’m not complaining…” She admitted with a smile, she reached up absentmindedly to fix the collar on Carmilla’s jacket as she pulled it on, smoothing out the shoulders before gripping the tops of her arms. Neither of them moved and it occurred to Laura that Carmilla wouldn’t be able to leave if she didn’t let her go.

She watched Carmilla’s gaze drop to her lips as she studied Laura’s face and her head moved just an inch closer unconsciously.

_What was one goodbye kiss? Surely that was acceptable, they’d done a lot worse._

Laura pushed up on her toes and met Carmilla’s lips with her own before she could think twice. Carmilla made a surprised sound and her hands landed on Laura’s waist as her head thumped against the door behind her.

The kiss wasn’t slow but it also wasn’t desperate, it was passionate and warm. Laura brought her hands up to Carmilla’s face, deepening the kiss and relishing in it for a few more moments before biting down on Carmilla’s lower lip as she reluctantly pulled away.

 Carmilla’s gaze seemed to flicker from confusion, to lust, to adoration in the space of a few seconds, she sucked in a few deep breaths, her chest rising and falling fast.

Okay, so that seemed to be _a little_ more than just a goodbye kiss but Laura couldn’t find it in herself to feel bad about it or feel that she’d let herself down, though surely those feelings would come later. But Carmilla had been so kind, and she’d held Laura while she cried and she’d stayed all night and made her breakfast in the morning and she was so sweet and caring and Laura really didn’t want her to leave. 

Carmilla leant her forehead against Laura’s, she closed her eyes, the tip of her nose just grazing Laura’s.

“Now I really wanna stay,” she whispered with a smile. 

“It was just a goodbye,” Laura smiled, trying to convince herself.

“If that was a goodbye, then I can’t wait for the hello the next time I see you,” Carmilla said, lifting her head to meet her gaze. “Besides, you started it.”

Laura rolled her eyes and tried not to smile too much, she took a small step back, “Last night…” she began, sighing as she processed her thoughts, she hadn’t intended to say anything about last night, though she knew they needed to talk about it but the words seemed to flow from her anyway. She grabbed Carmilla’s hands in hers and interlocked their fingers. 

“It wasn’t exactly easy for either of us but I think it was kinda… inevitable. I understand when you say you need to clear your head because I’m confused about a lot of things too. And yes, there are probably things that still need to be said but I’ve accepted it now, I realised one thing last night, you’re back in my life again and as much as I’ve tried to just not let myself… acknowledge that, I kind of don’t want it any other way now. Did any of that make sense?” Laura rambled, she frowned to herself as she sucked in a breath.

Carmilla was quiet for a moment, she licked her lower lip.

“Does it mean that sometimes we get to kiss like that again?” Carmilla asked, moving their joined hands behind her back, so Laura was tugged against her.

“ _No,”_ Laura tried not to laugh, feeling her heart beat hard against her chest, “Well, I don’t know exactly. I think that’s something we would have to refrain from doing, cause you know… we’re friends.”

“Why?” Carmilla pouted, her eyebrows drawing together.

Laura bit down hard on her lower lip and tried to put at least a small amount of distance between them again without letting go of her hands, she had the sudden urge to plant kisses all over Carmilla’s face.

“Because… we’re not…” Laura felt all of the air leave her body, Carmilla had never looked so attractive, glancing at her through her eye lashes. The idea that Carmilla wanted her, that she was sulking at the thought of not kissing her, well… that was something of an unexpected turn on.

“We’re not…” Laura whispered, she couldn’t think, she couldn’t focus. She swallowed.

Carmilla raised an eyebrow, Laura thought she was pulling her closer again but she was mistaken. Carmilla tugged her until their positions were swapped and gently pushed Laura against the door, raising their still joined hands just above Laura’s head.

Laura’s breathing picked up, Carmilla pressed herself closer with a quiet _hmm_ , resting her brow against Laura’s again.

“Tell me you don’t want me… _tell me_ ,” Carmilla whispered, the tip of her nose, tickling against Laura’s.

Laura whimpered, she’d never been so turned on in the whole of her life. She waited for Carmilla to make a move, do something, anything. When Carmilla seemed content just hovering on this precipice, pressed close but nothing more, Laura pushed her hips against Carmilla’s thigh and sucked in a shaky breath, squeezing Carmilla’s hands in hers.

“Tell me you don’t want this,” Carmilla pushed her thigh between Laura’s legs and Laura could have sworn she felt just a lightest touch of Carmilla’s lips against her own.  

Laura couldn’t think, couldn’t string a sentence together, she ground her hips forward against Carmilla’s and moaned. “Fuck, Carm…”

“ _I want you…”_ Laura whispered through gritted teeth, she was shaking with want.

Carmilla groaned, squeezing their joined hands and pushing her hips against Laura’s as her lips finally met again.

As they kissed, Carmilla stretched out her fingers, their hands were clasped so tightly that Laura forgot for a second that their hands didn’t belong together. Carmilla brought her hands down to Laura’s thighs and wasted no time, hitching Laura’s legs up around her waist as she leaned on the door.

Laura’s hands fell to Carmilla’s hair, knotting her fingers in it, she moaned as they were pressed tightly together.

Carmilla‘s mouth moved down her throat, and Laura sucked in some well needed breathes, dropping her head back again the door. She nibbled lightly on her earlobe and then sucked hard at Laura’s neck and she sighed, rolled her hips against Carmilla’s.

“Bedroom _now_ ,” Laura practically growled, this was perfect but felt agonisingly slow even though it made probably only been a few moments.

Laura slowly slid down to her feet as Carmilla tried to continue to suck at her collar bones.

Laura pushed lightly at her shoulders and Carmilla met her gaze with a look of desire that made her almost just want to drag them both to the floor right now. Carmilla grabbed her hand and they began to move towards the bedroom, but got stuck half way as Carmilla pushed her lips against Laura’s again and she ended up pushed against the wall just down the hall from her bedroom.

Once they made it inside, Laura pulled off her shirt quickly and Carmilla pushed a hand into her sweat pants unexpectedly, feeling the dampness of her soaked underwear, she moaned and Laura bit down on Carmilla’s lip.

Removing her hand and pulling her own shirt over her head, Laura fell onto the bed, Carmilla smiled as she followed planting a kiss on Laura’s lips before descending down to her collar bones and chest.

After a moment and a hand from Carmilla, Laura was rid of her bra and she tried to regulate her breathing as she managed to get the zipper down on Carmilla’s jeans but she didn’t get the chance to explore further as Carmilla descended lower, pulling down Laura’s sweatpants and underwear in one.

Carmilla chewed her lip as she glanced up her body and Laura watched impatiently for her to continue. With a smile, she dipped her head and sucked on her hip bones, leaving red marks that made Laura shiver.

She wanted to push her head down to where she wanted it most, instead she held back and gripped the sheets in anticipation. Carmilla looked up with a playful smile, slipping a finger through Laura’s folds and just barely brushing against her clit.

Her hips rose in eagerness but Carmilla removed her fingers, her lips finding the inside of Laura’s thighs instead. She whined, breathing erratically as she waited for Carmilla to stop teasing her.

Her fingers found her centre again, sliding against Laura’s clit for a moment or two before moving lower to the entrance.  

 She kissed Laura’s stomach once before sliding lower and wiggling her tongue against Laura’s clit as her fingers entered her.

 Laura moaned, rocking her hips forward, trying to pick up a consistent rhythm. She licked her clit before sucking it between her lips, sucking it and then brushing her tongue against it almost harshly, enough to make Laura whimper and shudder.

“ _Carm…”_ One of her hands slipped into Carmilla’s hair, pulling at the roots.

Laura was sweating, she rocked her hips against Carmilla’s fingers, moaning again at one particular harsh suck of her clit, her thighs shaking around Carmilla’s head.

“ _Yes,”_ she whispered as she felt the pressure within her was about to erupt too soon.

“ _Carm…”_ She shivered.

One more hard suck of her clit and Laura moaned in pleasure, sucking in some erratic breaths as she pulled at Carmilla’s hair, arcing her back and rocking her hips as she came.

It was a few moments before Laura found her voice again, “That was… amazing,” she sighed, having a little trouble recovering.

Carmilla smiled, running a hand through her messy hair and dropping a kiss on the centre of Laura’s chest, then her collar bones before meeting her lips.

This kiss was slow and gentle and Laura moaned contentedly.

“Say it again…” Carmilla whispered against her lips. “Tell me you want me.”

“You know I do,” Laura responded with an embarrassed smile, pulling lightly at the hair on the back of Carmilla’s neck and urging her lips back to hers.

“Say it,” Carmilla pressed again.

“I want you…” Laura whispered, bringing her hands to Carmilla’s face as they stared at each other. “Of course, I want you.”

Carmilla groaned and closed her eyes, “I like hearing that,” she smiled as they kissed, rocking her hips forward into Laura’s.

“Get those off,” Laura insisted, pulling at the waist line of Carmilla’s jeans.

 Carmilla kissed her once more before she quickly removed her remaining clothes.

Laura pulled her close and they kissed again, “What else do you like hearing?” Laura asked quietly.

“You, moaning my name,” Carmilla smirked before kissing her again.

In any other situation Laura might have rolled her eyes but with Carmilla naked on top of her... she bit down on her lower lip.

She pushed on Carmilla’s shoulders and sat up, “Your turn,” she said, kissing her as she rolled onto her back and Laura straddled her hips.

They smiled at each other as Laura leaned closer, Carmilla ran her hands up and down Laura’s back.

“So... how much do _you_ want _me_?” Laura asked, she kissed Carmilla quickly before her lips slipped down her jaw to her throat.

“More… more than anything,” Carmilla said, restlessly.

She kissed down her chest paying special attention to her breasts for only a moment.

“More than… coffee?” Laura teased, glancing up at Carmilla watching her chest heave.

“Yes, it’s not even blip…” Carmilla responded, her hands slipping into Laura’s hair.

“Hmm…” Laura thought, laying a kiss on the centre of Carmilla’s chest. “More than...  all of your adoring fans?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Carmilla said, frustrated, rocking her hips and letting her head drop back against the pillow.

Laura smiled, “…More than-”

“Laura, there is _nothing_ that I want more than you, _nothing,”_ Carmilla said, cutting her off quickly.

Laura’s smile slipped from her lips and she sucked in a shallow breath, she whined and moved swiftly back to Carmilla’s lips, kissing her hard.

Carmilla groaned against her lips, “You’re right,” Laura said as they kissed again, “I like hearing that too,” she said, as she slipped a hand between their bodies and between Carmilla’s legs. 

*

 Laura awoke to the sound of Carmilla’s voice, in her sleepy state she thought she had left her computer playing but then she realised her head was tucked into Carmilla’s neck. She was singing quietly, her finger tips tickling along Laura’s arm.

 _“How long will I need you._ _As long as the seasons need to f_ _ollow their plan.”_

Laura stretched a little, allowing herself to wake up slowly, enjoying the sound of Carmilla’s voice.

_“How long will I be with you. As long as the sea is bound to wash upon the sand.”_

“Carm…” She murmured sleepily as she continued to sing quietly.

_“How long will I want you. As long as you want me to, and longer by far.”_

Laura slowly lifted her head to look at her, blinking, “Did you write that?”

Carmilla smiled, shaking her head. She leaned up to kiss her slowly before rolling Laura onto her back and with one last long kiss, she pulled away and stood up.

Humming to herself still, she began to dress. Laura stared for a moment but quickly followed, climbing out of bed.

 “You know, I wasn’t kidding when I said you should come over sometime,” Carmilla said as she pulled her shirt over her head and approached her side. “… for dinner.” 

Laura pulled her own shirt over her head, “Hmm… I think I’d like that,” she glanced up at Carmilla uncertain.

Carmilla’s hands landed on her waist and pulled her closer.

“Are you leaving?” Laura asked quietly.

Carmilla nodded, looking reluctant, her fingers gripping Laura's waist just a little tighter, “I need to make a few calls, and… take a shower, grab a change of clothes.”

“Right,” Laura nodded, glancing down at Carmilla’s lips and back up.

Carmilla leaned in slowly, resting her brow against Laura’s, “I’m not… I’ll come back, if you want me to, _whenever_ you want me too,” she whispered and Laura struggled to process her words as she stared at her, they kissed slowly.

Carmilla smiled as she pulled away and took a seat on the edge of the bed to pull on her boots.

 “So… how’s your back?” Laura asked, biting down on her lower lip and leaning on the wall by the bedroom door.

Carmilla regarded her for a moment, “Much better,” she smiled as she stood.

She grabbed Laura’s hand as she passed and headed out of the bedroom, pulling Laura along with her.

‘I’ll call you,” Carmilla said as she reached the apartment door.

Laura nodded, trying to appreciate these last few seconds with Carmilla before she left.

She lay a kiss on Laura’s forehead and gazed at her for a few more seconds before slipping through the apartment door, their hands still joined, stretched until Carmilla was forced to let go, dropping as she walked away.

Three months ago, Laura would have been happy to slip quietly out of Carmilla’s life again but now she just didn’t have the will power. She’d done this once before and it was the hardest thing she’d ever had to do. She wasn’t sure she could do it again. They’d gone too far… Last night she’d seen a lot of the Carmilla she’d once loved. _Had loved?_ Laura chewed her lip as she let apartment door fall closed. What had she done? She couldn’t stop herself, she wasn’t meant to let this happen. 

*

 Laura chewed the end of her pen as she looked over her notes from a meeting this morning, she sat back in her chair and glanced around her desk for her coffee cup.

“Knock, knock,” came SJ’s usual greeting, with an absence of knocking.

Laura smiled at her, dropping her papers onto the desk and frowning into her empty cup.

“SJ, to what do I owe the pleasure today?”

“Laura…” she approached cautiously, looking between her and what looked to be a magazine.

“What?” she asked impatiently. 

“Isn’t this _your_ apartment building? Why is Carmilla Karnstein leaving your apartment building, Laura?” SJ said, dropping the magazine onto the desk in front of her.

“Why are you reading a trashy magazine?” Laura asked in return.

She looked at the page, it was indeed her apartment building and these were images of Carmilla.

“I read trashy magazines, I’m not ashamed,” SJ said, sitting down in the chair on the other side of the desk and pulling it closer.

“What makes you think she was visiting me? Other people live in my building,” Laura shrugged, pushing the magazine away toward SJ.

“You don’t seem at all surprised by this? And you’re avoiding the question,” she responded, snatching it back up off the desk. “ _Oh my god_ … she really was with you, wasn’t she? It was all true, she really was your- _Are you seeing her?!”_ SJ squealed.

“ _No,_ I’m not _seeing_ her! You can’t say anything to anyone! _Anyone!”_ Laura whisper shouted.

“Wait, you’re _not_ seeing her? Why the hell not?” SJ frowned, failing to keep her voice down.

Laura took a deep breath, accepting the fact that she was about to divulge everything to SJ, "Okay, let's start from the beginning..." and she told her everything, college girlfriends, the break up, the christening, LaF’s birthday party…

“… and that,” Laura pointed at the magazine in SJ’s hands, “Was her leaving my apartment this past Sunday.”

"You slept with her  _this past Sunday!?”_ SJ yelled with excitement.

“ _SJ, please_ speak up! The people on the _street outside_ can’t quite _hear you!”_ Laura whispered angrily.

“But you’re _not_ together?” She asked with confusion, SJ was in her element right now.

“No,” Laura shook her head, rubbing her temple.

“But… but, you’re in love with her, right?”

“ _No, I am not_ ,” Laura replied quickly, sitting up and feeling her face warming.

“You are-”

“You don’t know _anything_ ,” Laura interrupted, feeling suddenly angry.

“Why _aren’t_ you together?” SJ asked, waving her arms.

“Because, like I said, it wouldn’t work,” Laura shrugged.

“Have you spoken to her?”

“Yes. Of course.”

“Have you asked her though?”

“Asked her what?” Laura responded irritably, desperately wanting this conversation to end.

“Have you asked her to _try_?” SJ asked with a sad frown, “It sounds to me like, if you just spoke to her properly and asked her to _try_ -”

“ _No_ , I can’t do that, she’s- she’s _Carmilla Karnstein-”_

“ _Yeah_ exactly!  She’s _Carmilla Karnstein_ , why the hell are you _not_ trying to make this thing work? If I were you, I’d try and make things work.”

“It’s not like that… we’re friends,” Laura nodded to herself, she stared at the desk.

“No, you aren’t, Laura and by the sounds of it, you’ll never  _be_ friends.” SJ stood up, “You’ve got a second chance to make things work with someone you love, why aren’t you jumping at this chance?”

“SJ, you don’t understand, life with Carmilla was lonely and disappointing. That’s not how I expected to live the rest of my life! In the end, it wasn’t a relationship, I was just alone.” Laura sighed, blinking back tears that threatened to spill over.

“Laura, I've known you for five years and in that time you have been unwilling to go on more than one or two dates, always finding excuses to break things off, completely unwilling to put yourself out there and now I think I’ve finally worked out why. You didn’t _want_ to see other people, did you? The only person you’ve ever loved and are willing to love is _her_. You’ve been apart for _seven years_ … don’t you think you can make it work _now?_ Don’t you think even having  _something_ with Carmilla is better than having nothing?”

“I- I-” Laura swallowed, grabbing her papers off the desk, “I’ve got work to do,” she said quietly, ending the conversation, covering her face with her papers and hiding behind them until she heard the office door close and she was certain that SJ had left the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs used in this chapter:
> 
> Can't help falling in love - Elvis / Ingrid Michaelson  
> Consequences - Camila Cabello  
> How long will I love you - Ellie Goulding


	4. The Lonely

Laura almost dropped the plate she was holding when the apartment door flung open unexpectedly and Carmilla walked in, dropping her bag with relief and her hat along with it.

“ _Carm?”_ Laura blinked in surprise, she certainly hadn’t been expecting to see her today.

Carmilla smiled brightly when she spotted Laura and came right over, pulling her into a tight hug and kissing her forehead.

“I missed you,” she whispered as she dropped a kiss or two down Laura’s face until she reached her mouth.

Laura kissed her back, bringing her hands to the tops of Carmilla’s arms before her brain caught up and she hesitated, pulling away a little. She shouldn’t be kissing her, not now she’d made up her mind. 

Carmilla smiled warmly at her, brushing Laura’s hair behind her ear as she appeared to relish being back, seeing her again, but Laura did not smile, did not say anything at all.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen?” Carmilla asked, her eyebrows furrowing as she watched Laura with concern.

Laura sucked in a shaky breath, their eyes meeting. _This is it, now or never, just do it._

“Laura, tell me what’s wrong? You’re scaring me a little,” Carmilla frowned, looking her up and down as if searching for the source of the problem.

“You’re here…” Laura said quietly, her eyes suddenly stinging with unshed tears.

“Yeah," Carmilla nodded, squeezing the tops of her arms reassuringly, “But only for a day, I really should be here at all but-”

Carmilla’s phone started to ring loudly causing them both to jolt at the startling noise.

“Give me a minute,” she dropped a kiss on Laura’s cheek before she answered the call, wandering around their tiny apartment as she talked on the phone.

Laura stared at her, she hadn’t been expecting Carmilla for a few more days at least, she thought she had more time to prepare herself, she didn’t realise quite how hard this was going to be until Carmilla was standing right in front of her. 

“Sorry about that,” Carmilla said, shoving the phone into the back pocket of her jeans as she approached, “So I was thinking, we need to get out of this crappy apartment and now we can pretty much go anywhere you want- Laura, _what’s wrong_?” Carmilla asked with an edge of annoyance.

“I… I can’t do this anymore,” Laura’s tried to keep it together, she blinked to try and hold back the inevitable tears. “I can’t, it’s killing me, I can’t do it, Carm.” 

“ _What?_ Laura, what are you saying… I don’t…” Carmilla looked a little taken a back.

“Carm, I love you so much, I do but this isn’t working for me anymore.” Laura shook her head, “I feel like… I can’t help but feel like I’m just an afterthought to you.”

“An _afterthought?_ Laura, you’re _every thought_ , what do you mean? Where is this coming from?” Carmilla smiled, almost in disbelief, “Laura, Cupcake, whatever it is we can get through it.”

Carmilla took a step toward her and Laura took a step back, she noticed this and frowned with confusion.

“ _No_ , we’re too different, your life is so changed now. You need someone... someone else… someone better for you. I haven’t-”

“I don’t _want anyone else_. Are you… breaking up with me?” Carmilla said quietly, realisation of what was happening seemed to dawn on her and she sucked in a shaky breath.

Laura stared at the kitchen counter instead of meeting Carmilla’s gaze as tears ran down her face.

“You’re never here, Carm,” she said, finding strength from somewhere within, “I think I’ve seen you once in the last month? I’ve tried to get used to it because _I love you_ but it’s not enough. I need someone who is going to be there for me. We’ve been drifting further and _further_ apart and you never have time for me, even when I call you, just to hear your voice, I feel like… you’re not listening to me.”

“ _No, no_ , Laura, _no._ I’m sorry, I’ll try… I will. You can’t just _end it_ like that,” Carmilla swiped tears away from her face angrily.

“Carm, I was _so happy_ here in our _crappy little apartment_ , just you and me and… don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t be happier for you now. This is all you’ve ever wanted, you’re achieved your dream… But it’s clear you don’t need me anymore,” Laura said, looking up and meeting Carmilla’s eyes.

“Laura, you’re the _only person_ I need, you’re the only person I _think about_. I never wanted to be away from you, you know that. Come with me, come with me now and we can-" 

“Carmilla, it’s too late, besides, I’ve got my job, my life here, our friends, _hell_ , I even like this apartment. But I’m _… lonely_. Not even that, I’m _used_ to being lonely. I’m _used_ to being alone and I shouldn’t have to feel like that,” Laura reasoned, raking a hand through her hair, exacerbated.

“Can’t you at least just let me try and make things better?” Carmilla shook her head in disbelief.

“Your work always comes first and I understand that because it is important but it’s more important than me-”

“No, stop saying that-”

“ _It’s true!”_ Laura yelled, a moment of silence followed, they both stared at each other.

“Laura, this is everything I’ve ever wanted, you don’t get it.” Carmilla said quietly. 

“ _I know_ and I do get it and that’s why I’m ending it. It’s not working for me and it’s not working for you either.”

“So you’re breaking up with me because I’ve had to put my job first, is that it?” Carmilla frowned.

“I’m breaking up with you because I feel like we haven’t been together for _months_ anyway. I’m used to waking up alone, eating dinner in this kitchen alone, leaving voicemails on your phone and waiting, always _waiting_ for you to remember that I exist! How can you call this a relationship when I’ve seen more photos of you falling out of clubs and bars on the internet recently then I’ve seen actual _you._ ” Laura felt both worse and better as she finally said what was on her mind.

 “Laura, _don’t you_ _dare_ … you’re literally the only person on my mind _ever_. I knew it, I knew something was wrong when I spoke to you the other day and you said-”

“Something had been wrong for a while, Carm,” Laura interrupted.

“What, so this is it?” Carmilla said angrily, wiping more tears away from her face. “What am I meant to do, Laura? You can’t just drop something like this on me and expect me to just accept it and walk away.”

“It’s over, Carmilla,” Laura said, taking a deep breath.

“Don’t say that,” Carmilla shook her head. “Don’t you love me anymore?”

“Don’t love you?! Carmilla, I don’t _know you_! You’re not… you not the person I fell in love with.”

They stared at each other for a moment, “Fine, let me just grab a few things and then I’ll get out of here,” Carmilla said, angrily, disappearing toward their bedroom, slamming the door.

 

 

Laura blinked open her eyes, the sound of the door slamming seemed to echo through her mind. Her gaze was immediately drawn to Carmilla’s large TV and she remembered where she was, she shuffled uncomfortably for a second before noticing her legs were stretched out across Carmilla’s lap.

“Sorry,” Laura muttered quietly, automatically moving to sit up, fearing she’d made herself a little _too_ at home in Carmilla’s apartment. She wasn’t entirely sure how she’d ended up in this position considering the couch was large enough for the two of them to lie across without touching each other.

“Don’t be,” Carmilla smiled at her quickly before returning her gaze to tv, giving Laura’s knee a light reassuring squeeze where her hand rested. “I was thinking of waking you up actually… bad dream?”

“Why do you ask?” Laura asked, slowly allowing herself to fall back into her relaxed position on the leather couch.

Carmilla gave a small shrug, “You were kinda restless.”

Laura’s eyebrows furrowed as she recalled her dream and she felt her stomach clench and her heart ached as she remembered that awful day. She hadn’t had a dream like that in a while, maybe even years.

“Nope, not a bad dream, a good dream,” she lied quickly, she didn’t want to think about it.

“Oh… _interesting_ ,” Carmilla smiled, raising her brows.

Laura sighed, knowing exactly where Carmilla’s mind had gone and not having woke up enough yet to endure her teasing, she turned her face to the side, glancing to the tv to avoid her gaze. 

“Was _I_ in the dream?” Carmilla asked, leaning a little closer.

“ _Don’t_ ,” Laura smiled, refused to meet Carmilla’s gaze.

They were quiet only for a few seconds, when screaming from the tv made Laura jump in fright.

Carmilla reached for the remote, turning the volume down.

“Why a horror film?” Laura groaned, closing her eyes and relaxing against the couch as if she might just drift back off to sleep.

Carmilla’s apartment had a large and open plan living space, one wall occupied mostly by large glass windows which looked out over the city, the living area was raised off the ground by a step separating it from the rest of the apartment. It managed to look cosy and lived in even though Carmilla hadn’t been there for very long. Book cases were filled, various musical instruments dotted the apartment, there were posters, art lining the walls, some that Laura assumed was rather expensive.

Carmilla had stuck by her word and had invited Laura over the following Friday for dinner, she found she couldn’t possibly say no. She didn’t want to, she wanted to see Carmilla, she’d missed her.

Even though she had been expecting it, Laura was still surprised when Carmilla had texted her a few days before, just a simple text, ‘ _How are you this cold morning, Cutie?’_ Which seemed to have set the ball rolling and they’d texted a lot since then.

After work, Laura had made the journey over to Carmilla’s apartment across the city. The thought of seeing the place that Carmilla called home made her nervous and a little sad though she wasn’t sure exactly why. They had roomed together through college and moved from one crappy apartment to another in the few years before their break up. Laura realised she had never been in a place that Carmilla called home that she did not. She mentally tried to separate Carmilla from her concept of “home.”

When she arrived, she quickly realized she needn't have worried, she didn’t feel sad being in Carmilla’s home, Laura thought she might feel out of place but she just felt a comfortable familiarity. In fact, she began to like the idea of being permitted into a space that Carmilla called her own.

They’d eaten take out together and were settling in on the comfortable couch to choose a movie but Laura had been tired after dinner and a few long days at work and must have fallen asleep.

She avoided looking at the tv, her gaze shifting to the wall of glass and noticed the dark sky outside, “Oh crap, it’s really late. I’m sorry, you should have woken me,” Laura said with a tired sigh, she pushed her hair back, feeling as though she had wasted their evening together.

“Cupcake, stop apologising all the time, you have nothing to be sorry for,” Carmilla said, giving her knee another squeeze.

“I should go,” Laura said quietly looking back to the window.

“No,” Carmilla shook her head, “Why don’t you just stay, it’s getting late and you live so far.”

“I- Well, I wouldn’t want to intrude,” Laura said, her hands fidgeting together.

“You could never; besides I have a spare bedroom which you are free to use if you would like,” Carmilla said, seemingly cool and unbothered by this conversation, her gaze flicking between Laura and the tv.

“Oh... okay… I guess I could stay,” she said, hesitantly, now watching Carmilla closely.

“Great,” Carmilla nodded as she continued to watch the tv.

“I don’t like horror films,” Laura said, bumping her knee against Carmilla’s stomach, starting to feel a little miffed that Carmilla’s attention wasn’t more focused on her and then a little miffed at herself for craving Carmilla’s attention so much.

“Hmm,” Carmilla nodded, “You never did.”

Still she paid Laura little attention, apart from her thumb which had started stroking along the top of her knee absentmindedly. She found herself a little bothered by this, she had no right to be, she knew that, but she craved Carmilla’s attention none the less.

She pulled out her phone to distract herself.

 

8:33 LaF:  _Where are you?_

10:27 Laura: _Why? Everything okay?_

10.29 LaF: _Went by your place to drop off some of Perry’s brownies but you weren’t there._

10.30 Laura: _Oh no! Did you use your key? I’m at Carm’s._

10.33 LaF: _No, I didn’t bring it. Really? At Carms?… that’s interesting…_

10.34 Laura: _It’s not like that_

10.36 LaF: _Haha! Keep telling yourself that._

10.37 Laura: _It’s not, I don’t exactly know what we are but we definitely aren’t a thing_

10.37 Laura: _Like an official anything._

10.37 Laura: _We’re friends_

10.37 Laura: _And I like being Carmilla’s friend_

10.38 LaF: _Wow… did you just ramble on a text message thread?_

 

“Who are you texting?” Carmilla asked, looking between Laura and the phone in her hand with interest.

Laura smiled mischievously, wanting to provoke a reaction from Carmilla now she finally had her attention, “… Just my new girlfriend.”

“Sure,” Carmilla looked slightly amused, not falling for it. She rolled her eyes in an unaffected way, but her hand tensed on Laura’s knee.

“Okay, it was LaF, I missed a baked goods delivery.”

“Ooh, tough,” Carmilla gave her a mocking sympathetic look.

“There’ll be another one in a few days,” Laura sighed dramatically.

“Count yourself lucky, I never get a delivery of baked goods to my door,” Carmilla said with a small smile.

“I live like three blocks away from LaF and Perry’s and _you_ live on the other side of the city,” Laura countered, brushing her knee against Carmilla’s stomach again.

Carmilla pouted jokingly, Laura couldn’t help but find it appealing. 

“If you want the goods, you’ll have to go to the source,” Laura smiled. 

“Or… _you_ could just share,” Carmilla sulked, giving puppy dog eyes that made Laura’s heart melt just a little even though she knew they were both just goading each other.

“Sure,” Laura shrugged, giving in with a shake of her head, not bothering to hold back a yawn, “My baked goods are your baked goods, Carm.”

“Woah, are we married now, Cupcake?” Carmilla teased.

“No, but if Perry’s cookies will keep you coming around then it looks like I have no choice,” Laura smiled.

“I’d come over with or without the cookies and you know it,” Carmilla responded, biting her lower lip as she leaned a little closer, her stare penetrating, squeezing Laura’s knee again.

Laura stilled, her smile falling as she stared back.

“We can’t do this,” she mumbled. 

“Can’t do what?” Carmilla frowned. 

“ _This_ …” She gestured between them. “The _feelings_ thing, you’re making me feel _feelings_ again.” Laura sighed, dropping her head back against the arm of the chair dramatically.

“Ahh,” Carmilla looked away irritated by the sudden shift in the conversation.

“We’re not… you know… I mean, we’re friends, so, we shouldn’t really flirt and stuff,” Laura shrugged, looking back at Carmilla again.

“Cupcake, I think flirting is hardly even a blip on the radar of things we’ve done recently that _friends_ shouldn’t do,” Carmilla refuted, she looked pleased with her response. 

“Well, I’ve thought it over…” Laura said with determination, crossing her arms as if she were taking a stand.

“Right?” Carmilla watched her, looking mildly amused and genuinely interested to hear what Laura was about to say.

“I want to be around you, I want you in my life, I think we could be great friends, Carm, but I think for that to work we should try to avoid any _potential…_ more than friends stuff. So what happened before… it can’t happen again,” Laura met her gaze.

 Carmilla smiled and licked her lower lip, she nodded slowly and raised her eyebrows as she seemed to consider Laura’s words.

“What?” Laura frowned with confusion as Carmilla remained quiet.

“Do you truly not want to be with me?” Carmilla asked, her stare penetrating.

“Well, that’s just it, isn’t it? It’s hard… and we both know from experience that it wouldn’t work, so, well, let’s just do the next best thing,” Laura said, trying to sound positive.

Carmilla’s eyebrows rose and she was quiet for another moment, “I’m going to be the _best,_ best friend you ever had.” She smiled teasingly.

“ _Don’t_ ,” Laura glanced at her and looked away.

“What now?” Carmilla responded, frustrated.

“The feelings thing,” Laura shrugged.

“So, I can’t have a  _conversation_ with you now,” Carmilla frowned.

“Yes, of course,” Laura licked her lower lip, “Just no flirting or smirking and no pouting either,” she added as she watched Carmilla’s lower lip jut out. 

“Fine,” Carmilla responded, coolly.

Laura frowned, she had been expecting amusing backlash, “Huh?”

“I said fine, I’ll toe your _impossible_ line,” Carmilla shrugged, smiling as if she knew something Laura did not.

“Oh… well, good,” Laura stared at her, she hadn’t expected Carmilla to agree so easily, or to agree at all.

“If I’m following your absurd rules, you’ll have to follow mine, I have feelings too,” Carmilla smiled mischievously.

“What like?” Laura’s brows furrowed.

“Let’s see, you’re going have to stop being so cute, _definitely_ no rambling, no blushing, no bunched up angry face like you’re doing right now-”

“Carm, I can’t do any of that,” Laura interrupted, she found herself trying not to laugh.

Carmilla smiled, “Oh, so you see how ludicrous your rules are, Cupcake?”

Laura sighed.

Carmilla rested her arm across the back of the couch and leaned closer, almost hovering above her, “I don’t think your little plan is going to work…”

“ _Stop_ ,” Laura whispered.

“What? I’m not breaking any of your rules… but it looks like you are breaking nearly all of mine,” Carmilla smirked.

Laura rolled her eyes, “You’re not playing fair.”

“ _I’m not being fair? Me_?” Carmilla smiled, finding the situation beyond amusing.

Laura was quiet for a moment, she stared at Carmilla’s hand as it now rested on her thigh, “Maybe I should implement a no touching rule too.”

Carmilla sucked in a shocked breath, her hand tightening. “Too far, Cutie.”

Laura sat up suddenly, they were only inches apart.

“You’re not actually serious, right?” Carmilla frowned, biting down on her lower lip and Laura stared.

“Your movie is over,” she said after a moment, not responding to Carmilla’s question.

They stared at each other in silence for a few seconds.

“Come on,” Carmilla motioned for Laura to move her legs and she stood, holding out a hand and helping her to her feet. “I’ll show you to the guest room.”

“Or…” Laura stood still, keeping a hold of Carmilla’s hand, “I mean, maybe… only if you wanted to…” she could feel her face heating up, “I could just sleep with you…. only if you _wanted_ me to.” 

Carmilla blinked at her for a second before smiling, “What about… I’m sure you have some _rule_ against it…”

“I’ll probably have nightmares, you put on the horror film,” Laura reasoned, looking away from her gaze.

She knew she wouldn’t have nightmares… at least not about anything she’d seen on the tv that night. 

Carmilla shook her head with a smile, “Are you for real? You can’t have it both ways, Cupcake, you need to make up your mind here. I don’t know if you’re being serious but one minute you’re trying to implement a no touching rule and now you want to sleep with me. You’re not playing me like that, making a fool out of me.”

Laura didn’t know what she was thinking, what she was doing, but the guest room seemed a little too far away from Carmilla for her liking. She blinked in surprise, this conversation seemed have taken an unexpected serious turn, “ _Oh_ ,” She felt an uncomfortable clenching in her stomach and blinked in surprise, “Well… I understand. I guess I’ll just… _go_?” she turned, not waiting for an answer, heading for the door.

“ _No_.” Carmilla grabbed her forearm. “ _Don’t.”_

“But what about…”

Carmilla released a breath, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for that to come out that way… Well, no, actually _I did_ because you’re _infuriating_ sometimes but I can’t watch you leave, I won’t,” Carmilla pulled her into a hug, “Of course I want you to stay,” she kissed the top of Laura’s head.

“Thank god,” Laura let out a breath of relief and brought her arms up to hug her back. 

“I’ll be your friend if that makes you happy, I’ll try,” Carmilla whispered close to her ear.

 Laura squeezed her a little tighter.

“Is that what you want?” Carmilla asked as they separated, “Me and you to be friends?” Carmilla sighed, “Friends and nothing more?”

Laura blinked at her, her feelings on the matter swinging back and forth like a pendulum in her mind. Yes, she wanted to be friends, that way she wouldn’t expect anything more from Carmilla, she could never feel the sting of being let down by her, there would be no miserable break up if it ever came to that and Laura couldn’t have her heart broken like that again.

But, that didn’t stop Laura from feeling the feelings, her heart rate picking up as Carmilla sat close to her or squirming as Carmilla touched her absentmindedly. Getting lost in her smile or the sound of her voice. It certainty didn’t stop her from wanting her…

She shook herself mentally, “Friends,” she nodded, “That way… that way neither of us can get hurt,” Laura whispered, she swallowed, willing herself not to cry.

Carmilla looked a little taken aback at that statement, she was silent for a few seconds, “I’ll be your _friend_ , Laura but don’t think for second it’s going to stop either of us from getting hurt…” 

Laura nodded, her gaze fixated on the ground near Carmilla’s feet.

 “Do you want me to leave?” She whispered.

Carmilla shook her head, “No, come on, let’s just… go to bed and we can talk about this tomorrow?”

 

 

 

Laura climbed into bed next to Carmilla, wearing borrowed sleep shorts and an old t shirt.

Carmilla was reading a book, Laura felt a pang of old domestic familiarity with this situation. She now wondered why she hadn’t just accepted Carmilla’s offer of the guest bedroom, especially since she’d had a few minutes to digest the conversation they’d just had. She felt like she’d gotten her point across but then struggled to follow her own rules.

She chewed her lip as she settled beneath the sheets, glancing at Carmilla warily, “Thanks for dinner and you know being so hospitable and everything and I’m so-”

“ _Shush_ ,” Carmilla smiled, reading on for a moment and then turned the page in her book.

She closed it, glanced at Laura for a second before switching off the lamp at her bedside.

 “You don’t have to thank me for anything, Laura,” Carmilla said, turning and facing her as she relaxed against the pillows, replying to Laura’s earlier words.

“Well… that would just be rude, wouldn’t it?” Laura smiled nervously into the dark as they lay face to face.

She heard Carmilla sigh, she waited for her eyes to adjust.

“Laura, you do this thing, I’ve noticed… it’s not something I remember you doing _before_. You apologise _all the time_ , when… you don’t need to… it’s- it’s worrying me,” Carmilla said quietly.

“Oh,” Laura eyebrows drew together, “I’m s-”

A finger was placed over Laura’s lips, “Don’t you dare,” Carmilla smiled.

“I didn’t realise, I- I don’t know why…” Laura said, grabbing Carmilla’s hand in hers.

“I think I might…” Carmilla said, thinking. “What happened between us, Laura, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter to me anymore and it shouldn’t matter to you either. I can’t help but feel you have this constant desire to apologise to me because you feel guilty… But I need you to know, I’m not holding any… resentment towards you.”

Laura blinked, she opened her mouth to speak but no words followed.

“I also worry that you think I’m…” Carmilla sighed, shifting closer, “What happened before, it won’t _ever_ happen again, _I promise_.” She squeezed her hand in Laura’s. “ _I’m sorry_ , it was hard for me before… to juggle my career and my fame and our relationship and everything else. I was young and stupid and I made some wrong decisions and in the end, I lost you because of it. I understand that, and Laura, I think you did what was best for you... But now, I worry that me being around you is a _problem_? You seem kinda… a little troubled? And I don’t know why exactly, maybe you don’t have any confidence in me?” 

Laura released a breath, she was quiet for a moment, “Wow… Carm, please don’t think that you’re the problem. The reason that I am like this is because… because I have no idea what I’m doing. Because my head is telling me one thing, and my heart…” She swallowed, taking a shaky breath, “Yes, it has played on my mind a little, I haven’t treated you that great. And, I guess I do feel guilty sometimes about what happened… but I stand by that decision and think a part of that is what’s making this hard for me. My dad used to say, _Laura, you’ll never make the same mistake twice_ ,” she imitated her father’s voice, Carmilla smiled.

 “And I can’t help but feel I might make the same mistake again,” Laura whispered.

“Are you making a mistake, Laura… or are you making a choice?” Carmilla asked.

“Which am I?” She asked.

“I think that’s a decision you’ll have make yourself,” Carmilla replied quietly.

Laura chewed her lower lip and frowned as she considered Carmilla’s words. 

“But when you do, I’ll still be here… as a friend or… whatever…” Carmilla whispered, she closed her eyes, releasing a breath, now seemingly completely at ease. “Good night, Cupcake.”

Laura lay still for a few moments as she thought about the words they’d just shared. She mentally shook herself, she wouldn’t dwell on it any longer tonight. Sure, she was confused about a lot of things but what she did know was that she needed time. She smiled at Carmilla and she trusted that she would give her that.

Laura turned over and shuffled back against her.

“What are you doing?” Carmilla asked quietly.

She reached back and felt down Carmilla’s arm to her hand and pulled it around her, winding their fingers together. 

Carmilla cleared her throat quietly, “I’m not sure friends do this sort of thing." 

“Sure they do,” Laura yawned. 

Carmilla came closer, pressing her front to Laura’s back “Uh, you’re killing me, Hollis,” she groaned.

“Hmm…” Laura responded, not really listening, feeling quite content as she quickly fell asleep.

*

Laura was the first to wake the next morning, Carmilla frowned in her sleep as Laura slipped silently out of the bed. She took to exploring the unfamiliar apartment, deciding it was better to get away from sleeping Carmilla before she started to do something that might be considered creepy like watching her sleep. 

She wandered into the large main room of the apartment, managed after a few minutes to get the expensive coffee machine to start making some noise which she hoped was a good sign.

She noticed a photograph stuck to the fridge, it was at least a decade old, a picture of the whole gang. Laura remembered this day, it had been not long after Carmilla and her had first started dating back in college, they’d all gone for a picnic in the park. LaF was smiling at Perry, Kirsch was grinning broadly at the camera. Danny was frowning at him. Laura’s head was rested against Carmilla’s shoulder, they looked happy. She smiled as she stared at the image, wondering why Carmilla had chosen this specific photo as one she would choose to see every day… That day hadn’t been particularly special… Carmilla had done amazing things since then, lived a life far richer than Laura or any of her friends had. She’d travelled the world, met remarkable people, she was one of the most of famous people in the whole world, she’d had probably crossed everything off of her bucket list. Why would she want to remember this moment?

With her coffee in hand, Laura took to exploring the rest of the apartment. She smiled at Carmilla’s platinum’s albums and wondered briefly where she must keep the rest of her awards.

She perused Carmilla’s bookcases, running her fingers over the spines absentmindedly and then slid her finger down the keys of her upright piano as she looked out of the window at the busy city below. Becoming distracted by the view, she stood by the piano, staring for a few moments before moving to place her coffee cup down. She knocked a small red book off of the piano top to the floor.

She picked it up with mild interest, assuming it was just another book before she noticed Carmilla’s handwriting.

She opened it to a random page and nodded in understanding, it was lyrics or poetry. She flicked through, some complete songs, others just looked like a few sentences. She skimmed the pages, pausing to read parts that caught her eye.

 

 _I drink good coffee every morning_  
_Comes from a place that's far away_  
_And when I'm done I feel like talking_  
_Without you here there is less to say_

  
_Don't want you thinking I'm unhappy_  
_What is closer to the truth_  
_If I lived till I was a hundred and two_  
_I just don't think I'll ever get over you_

Laura’s brow furrowed as she read the lyrics, she could hear Carmilla’s words repeating themselves again in her head, _Every single song I’ve ever written, was written for you… they were all meant for you, Laura._ She chewed her lip, trying to not become too overwhelmed.

 _“_ Hey,” Laura turned, startled by Carmilla’s sudden appearance, the notebook slipping from her fingers and falling to the ground again, “You’re still here. I thought you’d um… skipped out on me,” Carmilla smiled, her hair sticking out in odd places from sleep.

Laura’s first thought was how cute she looked, before Carmilla’s words actually made sense in her mind and she felt like she’d been punched in the gut.

“Of course not, I would _never_ -” Laura began to say, pausing when she realised that she certainly had skipped out on her before.

Carmilla’s eyes fell to the red notebook on the floor. Laura reached down to pick it up quickly, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have been looking but I accidentally knocked the book and I picked it up and um…”

Carmilla walked over, took the notebook from her hands and placed it back on top of the piano before taking Laura’s hands in hers, “Laura, stop apologizing. _Please._ And you can read my crappy lyrics if you want to.”

“They aren’t crappy,” Laura responded quickly with a frown.

Carmilla huffed a laugh, “It’s a good thing your opinion is the only one that matters…”

Laura wasn’t sure whether she was being genuine or sarcastic, she tried to read Carmilla’s expression.

“…To me anyway,” Carmilla added, giving Laura’s hands a squeeze before she let them go.

“Will you play something for me?” The words were out of Laura’s mouth before she knew what she was asking.

 Carmilla looked surprised and a little uncomfortable at the suggestion, she ran a hand through her hair, glancing toward the piano.

“Um,” she cleared her throat, “Sure… if you want me to,” Carmilla shrugged, moving to take a seat.

She rested her fingers on the keys for a moment and Laura held her breath in anticipation before they retreated to her lap.

“Did you want… anything in particular?” she looked across at Laura.

She shook her head slowly.

Her hands returned to the keys and Carmilla took a deep breath, after a moment her fingers began to glide along them, a slow melody and then she began to sing.

 

 _“When the rain is blowing in your face_  
_And the whole world is on your case_  
_I could offer you a warm embrace_  
_To make you feel my love.”_

Laura bit down on her lip, her stomach squirmed, as she listened to Carmilla’s beautiful voice and then she smiled and her brow furrowed as she recognised the song.

 _“_ You… you didn’t write that,” she said quietly, taking a step closer and leaning on side of the piano. Carmilla smiled as she sang.

 

 _“I know you haven't made your mind up yet_  
_But I will never do you wrong_  
_I've known it from the moment that we met_  
_No doubt in my mind where you belong.”_

“I’m pretty sure Adele wrote that,” Laura giggled.

Carmilla paused, “You told me to sing something, you didn’t say it had to be something I wrote,” she smiled as she stood from the piano, looking pleased with herself. 

“And Adele didn’t write that song; Bob Dylan wrote it,” she added, “Is that coffee I can smell?”

A few minutes later they sat on the couch with their mugs of coffee, Carmilla sat facing her, legs tucked under herself.

 “Did you talk to Kirsch about meeting the gang at the Lustig later?” Laura asked, placing her phone down.

Carmilla nodded, “He asked me yesterday,” she shrugged, “I’m not sure, it’s never really that fun for me in crowded places, especially if there’s inebriated people around.” 

“Ahh,” Laura sighed, nodding, “Why don’t you come anyway, you can wear a disguise, it’ll be fun,” she suggested, giving Carmilla’s knee a squeeze, she felt a little let down at her reluctance to come along.

“If someone notices me, I’ll probably have to go,” Carmilla said, sipping her coffee.

“Sure, we can leave whenever you want, it’s just a few drinks with the gang, _come_ _please?_ ” Laura asked, watching Carmilla closely.

They looked at each other for a moment before Carmilla slowly nodded. 

“So, a disguise, I’m thinking… moustache,” Laura grinned. 

“Cupcake, I’m trying _not_ to draw attention to myself,” Carmilla chuckled. 

*

“We’re just friends,” Laura said unenthusiastically to LaF and Perry after they inevitably broached the subject from across the table at the bar that evening, “We talked about it last night actually, and we’ve both decided to just… _not_ to go there again.” She said with a confident nod and a dismissive wave of her hand. At LaF’s suspicious look, she cleared her throat and suddenly found the drinks menu on the table a lot more interesting.

“I’m sorry, Laura but haven’t you already… _been there_ again?” Perry looked between LaF and her with a perplexed look. 

“ _We’re not_ \- that’s it. We’re just… moving forward as friends now. It’s _nice_ having Carmilla back in my life and I don’t want to lose her again, it’s… it’s for the best,” Laura stumbled on her words, taking a large sip from her glass.

“And that’s it?” LaF looked confused, almost angry. “This is all because you’re scared that the same thing will happen as before?” They asked, bluntly.

“ _No_ , LaF, that’s not what I-” Laura paused and gave LaF a _shut-up_ kind of look as Carmilla joined their table, taking the seat next to her.

The Lustig was a small bar near LaF and Perry’s apartment, it was never too crowded but the atmosphere was nice, and Perry thought it was fairly clean. The group tried to meet a couple times a month. This would be Carmilla’s first appearance.

“Hi,” Carmilla said, her face shadowed by the black sun hat covering her head.

“Nice hat,” LaFontaine chuckled.

Carmilla tutted and removed her oversized hat but kept on her large sunglasses. 

“Don’t you think the sunglasses might actually _draw_ attention to you?” Laura asked, glancing around, “We look like we’re acting out a scene from Weekend at Bernie’s.” 

LaF sniggered.

“What if someone notices me? Besides, who was it suggesting a moustache this morning,” Carmilla said, drinking from her glass and glancing around the bar apprehensively.

“No one is even looking at us and this place isn’t exactly crowded, Carm,” Laura said, giving her shoulder a light bump.

Carmilla sighed and removed her sunglasses, glancing sideways at her, “Happy now?”

“Yes, now we can finally see you,” Laura smiled, bopping Carmilla’s nose with her index finger quickly.

Carmilla wrinkled her nose and picked up her glass.

“What are you two looking at?” She glared at LaF and Perry as they grinned at them from across the table. 

“You tell me, what _am_ I looking at?” LaF smirked.

“You’re looking at _good friends_ ,” Laura‘s smile was a little too forced as she wrapped an arm around Carmilla’s shoulder and pulled her closer. “We’ve come a long way, right, Carm?”

“Yeah, sure, Cupcake,” Carmilla said, grabbing Laura’s hand and slowly detangling herself from her uncomfortable hold. “As long as I don’t have to braid your hair and talk about girls, then you can call me whatever you want.”

LaF laughed.

“See? Friends,” Laura said with a pleased nod.

Carmilla rolled her eyes. “Where’s Kirsch and Danny?” She asked, relaxing into her seat as she became comfortable with her surroundings.

“Should be here soon, they’re leaving Emily with Kirsch’s mom,” Perry responded.

“Can I get anybody another beverage?” LaF asked glancing around at them, pointing their empty glass, “Per?”

“Wait, let me go with you, I want to see the wine selection,” LaF and Perry stood and left the table together.

There was a moment of silence, Laura smiled at Carmilla as she sipped her drink, she tried to push the conversation with LaF and Perry from her thoughts.

“You know, Carm,” She brushed hair behind her ear, “There were pictures of you leaving my apartment last week, SJ showed me at work,” Laura said, looking between Carmilla and her glass.

“ _Shit_ , was there? I’m sorry,” Carmilla frowned, looking at her a little alarmed.

“Oh, I’m not complaining,” Laura shrugged and gave a small smile, “Just thought you might wanna know.”

“It’s such... Laura, if they think… if they find out about you, you’ll get this shit just as bad as me,” Carmilla sighed, she shook her head.

“I remember what it was like before,” Laura nodded. “…Before we broke up.”

 “It’s so much worse now,” Carmilla sipped her drink.

“Hey,” she placed a hand on Carmilla’s arm, “Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.”

“It’s my fault, Laura,” Carmilla turned to her looking troubled.

“It’s not _your_ fault and if some guys wanna follow me around and take my picture then let them, I’m not a very interesting person,” she said raising her eyebrows with honesty. 

“Of course you are, you’re wonderful,” Carmilla grabbed her hand, “It’s what comes next, Cupcake, the stories, the media, the bullshit… I don’t want-”

“Carm, I can put up with it if it means I get to be your friend,” Laura interrupted with a smile.

Carmilla licked her lower lip and frowned in contemplation, she looked sombre, “It would be different if we were-” 

“Hey guys!” Kirsch appeared with Danny trailing just behind him, they both made a commotion as they took their seats at the table. “Carmilla! I thought you weren’t coming!”

“Well, here I am,” she said, letting go of Laura’s hand and looking slightly taken aback by their sudden appearance, their conversation cut short.

“Hi, how are you guys? How’s Emily?” Laura asked as they both settled into their seats. 

Kirsch beamed at the mention of his daughter, “She misses her godmothers, I know that.”

“She does?” Laura asked, a little surprised.

“Of course she doesn’t,” Carmilla huffed a laugh, “I doubt she even remembers us.”

“She’s great,” Danny continued, “She’s just starting to find her feet actually.”

“Hellooo,” Perry said as they returned to the table.

“Here she is,” Kirsch showed a video on his phone, “She’s standing all on her own.”

“With any luck, she’ll be walking in a week or so,” Danny beamed.

“Wow, how weird is it being all together again?” LaF said, glancing around at everyone as they took their seat next to Perry.

 “We’ve been all together like twice in the last couple months,” Carmilla refuted, taking a sip of her drink.

“Yeah but… just the six of us,” LaF smiled, looking around at the group as if they were delighted to be included.

“Let’s toast!” Kirsch said, picking up his glass. “ _To us!”_

Carmilla rolled her eyes but reached for her glass along with everyone else, “ _To us!”_

“Hey Carmilla, this is one of yours,” LaF grinned.

“Hmm?” Carmilla looked toward them, confused.

 “The song,” LaF pointed upwards.

The quiet music that played softly through the bar was playing one of Carmilla’s songs, it was hardly noticeable. Laura listened closely, trying to hear over Kirsch and Danny’s conversation and general commotion in the bar.

 

 _Dancing slowly in an empty room_  
_Can the lonely take the place of you_  
 _I sing myself a quiet lullaby_  
 _Let you go and let the lonely in_  
 _To take my heart again_

Carmilla frowned, “Did you do this?” She looked to LaF accusatorily.

“No but I wish I had,” LaFontaine chuckled.

“Hey, it’s fine,” Laura said, placing a hand on Carmilla’s arm at her obvious discomfort.

“Why this one? It’s not…” Carmilla glanced around uncomfortably, she ran a hand through her hair.

“I like this song,” Perry smiled around at the group as if she were trying to encourage the others to agree.

“Too many… memories,” Carmilla stared at the table in front of them looking agitated.

The song continued, Danny and Kirsch had fallen quiet by now and there was an almost awkward silence as the song was now impossible to ignore and they could do nothing but listen to it.

Laura chewed her lip, she’d never heard it but by Carmilla’s reaction, it wasn’t a song she wanted anyone to remember. LaF looked sadly over at Carmilla as if they regretted bringing it everyone’s attention.

 

 _Broken pieces of_  
_A barely breathing story_  
_Where there once was love_  
_Now there's only me_  
_And the lonely_

 

“Excuse me,” Carmilla said, quickly standing from the table without making eye contact with anyone, “I just remembered I need to make a phone call.”

She disappeared quickly toward the exit and the rest of the group were silent for a moment more as the song came to an end, when Laura looked back, everyone was looking at her.

“I’ve never heard that song before,” Laura said quietly, clearing her throat and she took a sip of her drink, she wished she’d never heard it.

“I don’t think Carmilla looks back too fondly on that time,” Kirsch said, looking a little solemn. “It um… well you can probably guess when it was.”

“Someone should go check and make sure she’s okay,” Laura muttered, finding herself already on her feet.

“I really do love that song-” Laura heard Perry say as she left the table.

She found Carmilla leaning on the wall outside the bar, she shuffled around uncomfortably kicking a stone away with her shoe. Laura said nothing as she approached, just shoved her hands into the pockets of her jacket and imitated Carmilla’s stance.

“I wish I had a cigarette,” Carmilla mumbled after a moment.

Laura patted her pockets, even though she’d never smoked a cigarette in her life, “Sorry,” she shrugged.

Carmilla grinned and shook her head as if she were trying not to laugh at her lame joke and Laura smiled at that, pleased she’d managed to make Carmilla feel at least a little better.

“So… the song,” Laura said, broaching the subject quickly before she managed to talk herself out of it.

Carmilla met her gaze, “I hate that song,” she grumbled.

“It’s _your_ song,” Laura smiled.

“I still hate it. When I wrote that, I was… that was the worst time of my life… I don’t look back fondly on it now,” she fidgeted with a ring on her finger absentmindedly and glanced upwards at the dark sky with a sigh.

“ _Carm_ …” Laura had to take a deep breath in an attempt to stay composed, she didn’t want to cry, she didn’t feel as if she had the right to.

She knew what that song was written about… their break up… and she understood the loneliness… Laura had felt that pain… but she didn’t think Carmilla would have. She was strong and resilient and wouldn’t have been that affected, she was constantly surrounded by people who loved her. Her life never stopped… surely, she never had time to wallow in the grief like Laura did.

“I was really broken but… writing helped a lot actually,” Carmilla said quietly.

“I have a strong urge to apologize but I’m not going to,” Laura said, almost smiling as Carmilla’s eyes meant hers, “I didn’t realise how much our break up affected you. I closed myself off to anything that had anything to do with you because I couldn’t handle it. Honestly, I… I kinda thought you would be okay. I don’t know why I did, I just… _you’re Carmilla_ , you’re the strongest person I’ve ever met.”

“Like I said last night… I understand your reasons and I don’t wanna hear another apology. I just want it to be over, Laura. Hearing that song, it just… for one moment, it made it all real again. I wasn’t strong at all… I was hollow.”

Laura felt like she couldn’t breathe, she leant her forehead on Carmilla’s shoulder and took a shuddering breath. She couldn’t speak, she didn’t know what to say, there was nothing, nothing she could say that would make it right.

Carmilla wrapped an arm around her and Laura pushed herself closer, wrapping her arms around Carmilla’s neck.

“I never wanna hear that song again,” Laura whispered.

 “That makes two of us,” Carmilla replied close to her ear.

“Come on…” Carmilla took a small step back and smiled at her, “I need another drink… or five.”

*

“ _No, No._ That night in the karaoke bar, _man_ , _that_ was the best night ever!” LaF said, looking around at the rest of the group for approval. 

“No way! The best night ever was when we all headed to that party and got lost and ended up drinking wine on that hill in the park and watched the sun come up,” Kirsch said reminiscently.

“ _That_ was a great night but you’re all wrong. The best night from college was when Kirsch climbed the stature of Vordenberg and we got chased away by campus security,” Danny laughed. “You can’t beat that.”

“What about the night LaFontaine knocked over that big Christmas tree in the quad?” Perry said, “I’m surprised we got away with that.”

“We stood it back up,” LaFontaine shrugged

“It fell over again,” Danny added, everyone chuckled.

“Carm, come on, what was the best night at college?” Kirsch asked, all eyes turned to her.

Carmilla gave a small smile, “Well, you guys were not in attendance.”

“ _Eww,”_ LaF grimaced, “No, a night when it wasn’t just you and Laura.”

“Okay, Halloween, third year,” Carmilla nodded with finality.

“No way, I got _so_ sick that night,” Danny shivered at the memory, “I’ll never drink tequila again.”

“That night was bizarre!” LaF frowned, “Don’t you remember, Laura managed to convince herself that Carmilla was a real vampire and needed to be tied up.”

“Hey! I was on pain medication for a bad back and the alcohol really didn’t help,” Laura blushed, taking a large gulp of her drink.

“And later… she did tie me up,” Carmilla smirked.

“ _Woah,_ that was an image _none_ of us needed,” Danny groaned.

Laura shook her head, “No, no, she doesn’t mean in a kinky way. I really did tie her to the chair in our dorm room and then I fell asleep. Must have got knocked out by the pain meds, that was a really bad night… for everyone.”

“You let her?” LaF looked to Carmilla. 

“I thought it was going to lead to something sexy but she was very serious,” Carmilla looked at Laura and shrugged as the others laughed.

“Laura, what about you, what is your fondest night?” Perry asked.

“The very last movie night, I loved movie nights,” Laura smiled.

“Ahh, movie nights, forgot about those,” LaFontaine nodded.

“Gosh, everything is so different now,” Kirsch said, thoughtfully.

“ _Really?_ ” LaF asked, “Cause I’m to starting to feel like nothing has really changed at all.”

 “Be right back,” Carmilla stood and disappeared toward the bar.

“So, you and Carm? LaF told us,” Kirsch said as soon as Carmilla was out of sight.

Laura frowned in LaF’s direction.

“We’re friends, that’s all,” she said with a dismissive wave, “Nothing to talk about.”

 “Looks like Carmilla’s been caught,” Danny said, nodding in her direction.

A small crowd was forming around her.

“We might have to call it, guys,” Laura mumbled.

“ _We?_ ” Kirsch looked to her.

“Yeah, well Carm’s staying at my place, if she has to go then I’ll leave with her.” 

“Wait a minute, you stayed with her last night and she’s staying with you tonight?” LaF asked in disbelief.

“As friends,” Laura spoke through gritted teeth, she drank the rest of her wine.

“She’s coming back,” Danny said and they watched Carmilla merge from the crowd at the bar.

 “You need to go?” Laura asked, standing from her seat.

 “No, no, they were all cool,” Carmilla said, taking her seat and placing her hand on Laura’s arm and giving it a light tug, gesturing her to sit back down as the bartender brought over more drinks.

“What was your actual favourite night from college?” Laura said quietly to Carmilla sometime later.

"The night we drank champagne and danced in the dorm room. That was the night I realised I was in love in with you.”

“I remember that night. That… that was great,” Laura swallowed, catching Carmilla’s eye and looking away quickly.

*

 As the night came to an end, Laura shrugged on Carmilla’s jean jacket, the one Laura was wearing all the time now and should probably just claim as hers.

After the goodbyes, LaF and Perry headed in one direction, Danny and Kirsch jumped in a cab. Laura and Carmilla walked lazily along the side walk in the direction of Laura’s apartment.

“Go on, Laura, what was actual favourite night at college because I doubt it was movie night,” Carmilla asked, glancing sideways at her with a smile.

 “Ooh, definitely that day when we argued about the chore wheel and then spent the whole night making up... that was something special,” Laura giggled.

Carmilla looked a little taken aback, “I change my mind. That was _my_ favourite night too. Any others?”

“What about that dorm movie night when we left early,” Laura smiled, chewing her lip.

“We had to leave early because we were asked to leave,” Carmilla nudged her shoulder.

“That was your fault,” Laura could feel her face heating up.

“My fault?” Carmilla shook her head, “No way, Cutie, you couldn’t keep your hands to yourself.”

“ _You_ kept whispering stuff,” Laura defended, nudging Carmilla’s shoulder back.

“I don’t recall,” Carmilla smirked, feigning innocence.

Before long, they reached the apartment building, Laura turned when she realised she was ascending the steps outside on her own. 

“What is it?” Laura asked, coming to stand in front of Carmilla as she stood still at the bottom of the steps.

“Maybe staying isn’t a good idea,” Carmilla met her gaze, “I should probably just go home.”

Laura sighed, nodding in understanding, “Because we’ve both been drinking and neither of us are thinking clearly?” She suddenly found herself holding onto the lapels of Carmilla’s jacket.

“And… and we’re friends,” Carmilla added, looking slightly dazed.

“Yep,” Laura nodded as they stared at each other. 

“We shouldn’t… _cling_ ,” Carmilla said, swallowing, her hand coming up to grip Laura’s arm as she still grasped Carmilla’s jacket.

 “Don’t go,” Laura whispered suddenly.

Carmilla sighed and closed her eyes.

“I really want you to stay,” she whispered, tugging a little on her jacket so Carmilla swayed on the spot.

“I could stay… I want to stay,” Carmilla whispered.

 Laura wanted her desperately and it was taking a lot of self-control to not kiss Carmilla right now. They’d had a lot to drink, she hadn’t really thought of this before.

 She steeled herself, took a deep breath and dropped her hands.

 “Let’s go upstairs. It’s really cold out here, don’t you think?” Laura asked, ascending the steps and holding open the door for Carmilla to walk through.

 “Let’s take the stairs,” Carmilla said, avoiding the elevator completely. 

They were silent as they reached the apartment door and Laura smiled at her before she opened it.

“I could take the couch actually,” Carmilla said as they walked by it.

“ _No way,_ your back would never be the same, trust me,” Laura pulled her along into her bedroom.

“We can share,” she said quietly as she slipped off her shoes and jacket, “We shared last night, we’re both _adults_. And we’re both friends and … and…”

“ _Laura,"_ Carmilla walked over to her, maintaining eye contact as she did so.

 Laura stared, glancing down at Carmilla’s lips as they were only inches apart.

 “ _This_ … _this_ is the reason we’ll never be friends,” Carmilla sighed, her brow bumped hers and she pushed some of Laura’s hair behind her ear.

 “But Carm… we have to be, I don’t know what else to do,” Laura whispered, desperately.

 Carmilla stared at her for a moment and then nodded, “How about we get ready for bed and then… we enjoy some friendly cuddling as we fall asleep.”

 Laura nodded immediately, “I like that plan.”

 “Great,” Carmilla smiled, turning and walking across to the bed to sit down and remove her shoes.

 “Thanks, Carm,” Laura looked grateful, they were both aware that this night could have ended very differently but they’d both made a choice, a conscious effort to not let it go any further.

Laura frowned to herself, this is what they would have to do, make a conscious effort. Shouldn’t be too difficult...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got away form me somewhere but I let it happen. I'm going to wrap this up soon, don't think I can keep them apart for very much longer.
> 
> I Just Don’t Think I'll Ever Get Over You - Colin Hay  
> Make you Feel my Love - Adele/Bob Dylan  
> The lonely - Christina Perri


	5. Distance

Laura sat back in her desk chair and for the fifth time in the last ten minutes, she glanced at her phone. She chewed her lip as she contemplated, quietly hoping for the screen to light up with a new message before she just gave in and snatched it up. She began to type and then paused, changed her mind, dropping the phone back onto her desk with an irritated sigh. She ran a hand through her hair, watching colleagues stroll past her office door, she tapped the table impatiently as her gaze returned to her phone again.

She hadn’t heard from Carmilla since yesterday morning, a whole 24 hours of silence… which was strange. Strange because they’d certainly gotten into the habit of talking every day, in fact, over the past two weeks, things between them had been, well… pretty great. They’d hung out a lot, dinner, movie nights, they’d even gone for a walk in the park last week. They’d also gotten into the habit of texting everyday… so the radio silence was definitely unusual.

Laura had gotten so used to the regular chime of her phone signalling a new text from Carmilla, she’d see her name and smile but today there had been a complete absence of texts, an absence of smiles and this made her uncomfortable.

 She shook her head… they didn’t _need_ to talk to each other _every_ day, she really shouldn’t dwell on it...

Laura was pleased to say it had been relatively easy just being friends with Carmilla. Of course, she was still very attracted to her, but it was getting easier to ignore, she was used to those feelings now. They were good friends… _best friends_ even.

She grabbed her phone, she’d just send one quick text, just to make sure everything was okay, friends did that sort of thing all the time.

4.10pm Laura: You okay, Carm?

4.13pm Carmilla: Of course, Cupcake. Busy with work. You’re okay?

5.15pm Laura: You should come over :) feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.

4.16pm Carmilla: Three days?

Laura smiled at her phone.

4.16pm Laura: Yeah!

4.19pm Carmilla: I would but I can’t today, I’m working. My album is out next month and there’s a few last-minute things

Laura frowned at her phone… Album? Albums brought media attention and touring and distance and… loneliness. And even though Laura knew she had no right to, she felt those same feelings she had several years ago starting to creep back in again but Carmilla wasn’t hers anymore…

4.20pm Carmilla:  Miss me?

4.21pm Laura: I guess.

Her phone began to chime in her hand and Laura’s stomach squirmed when she saw that Carmilla was calling.

“Hi Carm,” Laura said happily, though due to Carmilla’s revelation in the last few minutes, she wasn’t feeling very cheerful right now.

“Cupcake, so, I was thinking, I have an event tomorrow night, a small gig. I’m just testing some new music… um… would you- I mean, you could come… if you wanted?”

 Laura smiled, feeling immensely calmer having heard Carmilla’s voice, some tension leaving her.

“Tomorrow night?”

“Yeah, we could hang out after?”

“Sure, that… sounds like fun,” Laura chewed her lower lip to keep from smiling too much.

 The last time Laura had been to a show of Carmilla’s, they’d still been dating.

“Great, I’ll text you tomorrow,” Carmilla said, coolly.

“Bye, Carm.”

Laura smiled as she contemplated what tomorrow evening might bring as a familiar voice sounded, she didn’t even have to glance up from her phone.

“ _Knock, knock_ … What are you smiling at? _Wait_ , don’t tell me… Karnstein, right?” SJ strolled into the room with a smile, placing a hand on her hip as she neared the desk.

Laura glanced up at her colleague with a sigh, “Yes,” she admitted.

SJ raised her eyebrows judgingly, “ _Girl,_ you know what… forget it, you don’t listen to word I say,” she threw her hands up in the air dramatically.

“… Go on,” Laura held back a smile, she was intrigued.

“I’m just saying, Laura, you need to… _make a move_ , before somebody else does,” SJ said, picking up a Rubik’s cube that sat on the corner of the desk and fiddling with it.

“We’re friends…” Laura couldn’t think of anything else to say, she dropped her phone back onto the desk.

“You just keep telling yourself that, Hollis. But soon enough Carmilla will move on and meet someone new and then you’ll realise, _Oh no, what have I done? Why didn’t I listen to SJ when I had the chance?”_ SJ smirked at her very poor imitation of Laura.

“She wouldn’t…” Laura started to speak but paused, she stared at SJ as she processed what she’d just said.

 _What if Carmilla did meet someone else?_ Laura couldn’t breathe for a moment as she thought about that, her gaze dropping to the desk.

“She wouldn’t, what?” SJ said, “Find somebody else? Move on? If you’re so sure about that then clearly you already know how this thing ends, Hollis, so just do it. Just, do what your heart tells you… rather than your head.” SJ placed the now completed cube back onto the desk. “See you tomorrow.”

SJ sauntered out of the room with a wave over her shoulder but Laura hardly registered this. She remembered the pain she felt when she’d first heard that Carmilla was engaged to Elle a number of years ago, it was almost as bad as the agony she had to overcome when they broke up. She couldn’t imagine what it would be like having to see it happening before her eyes.

Laura swallowed and shook her head, she wouldn’t dwell on it, things were great as they were right now. She wouldn’t think about it… not at all.

*

 “This is… _strange_ , it’s been a long time since I’ve been to one of these,” Laura gripped Carmilla’s hand as she led them through the many confusing corridors of the backstage area.

Carmilla smiled and gave her hand a squeeze as they made it to the side of the stage, it was noisy here, it sounded to Laura as if there were thousands of people waiting for her to walk out on stage but Carmilla had said there would be 500 people at the most.

“I know, this is the boring part, you have to wait for me while I go out there and do what I gotta do, but once I’m done, I’m all yours,” Carmilla smiled at her and then released her hand.

“How do I look? Okay?” Carmilla rolled her shoulders apprehensively and ran a hand through her hair.

 “Um…” Laura blinked at the unexpected question, “Good, great, really…” She shook her head, feeling her face start to heat up, “Of course you look amazing, when don’t you?” 

“Cupcake, are you coming on to me? If so, it’s working,” Carmilla winked.

Laura glanced up at her and raised her eyebrows, giving Carmilla her best, _I haven’t got time for your shit_ expression and then said, “Have you had a knock to the head? Get out there if you’re going,” She lightly pushed Carmilla toward the stage.

This was something else Laura was slowly getting used too, being friends with Carmilla meant having to put up with a myriad of flirtatious jokes and teasing depending on her mood. Laura didn’t mind this, in fact, she liked it, it was a part of their dynamic, to her it just meant that Carmilla was comfortable and relaxed around her and that meant a lot.

Carmilla chuckled, “I’ll see you soon.” She turned and to Laura’s and the crowds surprise, sauntered straight out onto the stage without so much as an introduction.

The crowd roared and she received thunderous applause, Laura smiled at what she assumed was really no big deal for Carmilla.

She stood awkwardly for few minutes, not really sure what to do with herself, but when Carmilla grabbed her guitar and began to sing, Laura became one of the crowd, she stared at Carmilla and sang along to the old songs she knew. She cheered and clapped and got lost in the sound of Carmilla’s voice from her private viewing space at the side of the stage.

“So, as I’m sure many of you will be aware,” Carmilla said into the mic as she grabbed a stool, sat on it and fiddled with her guitar strap, “It has been a tough couple months for me,” she chuckled and the crowd laughed, “Except, if I’m honest… it hasn’t been. I mean, sure, I got a divorce, I moved back across the country and I’m sure the media enjoys making my life seem like it is crumbling down around me but, I’m pretty happy right now,” she smiled. “And I’d like to dedicate this song to someone special, to someone who honestly… just makes me happy and that’s _really_ important… This is for you, Laura.” 

Carmilla glanced across at her and Laura found that she wasn’t able to react, her heart thundered in her chest, she was stunned and it was only when Carmilla began to sing did she suck in a breath and wipe a tear or two away from her eyes.

Laura had heard this song countless times since she’d first heard it months ago during that cab ride home and it meant more to her now than it ever did. Hearing Carmilla sing it, not just sing but sing it to _her_ … with the crowd singing every single word as well, she couldn’t describe how it made her feel.

_Beautiful mind_

_Your heart got a stay with mine_

_Your heart got me hurting at times_

_Your heart gave me new kind of highs_

_You heart got me feeling so fine_

_So what to do_

_Still falling for you_

_And just like that_

_All I breathe_

_Al i feel_

_You are all for me_

_I'm in_

_And just like that_

_And just like that_

_All I breathe_

_All I feel_

_You are all for me_

_I'm in_

“This next song is another new song, it kinda just sums up how I’ve been feeling recently. Um… it’s called, Distance.” She strummed her guitar and began to sing.

_The sun is filling up the room,_   
_And I can hear you dreaming._   
_Do you feel the way I do, right now?_

_And I will make sure to keep my distance,_   
_Say I love you when you're not listening,_   
_How long can we keep this up?_

_Please don't stand so close to me_   
_I'm having trouble breathing._   
_I'm afraid of what you'll see, right now._

Laura listened closely to what Carmilla was singing and frowned, she had the sudden urge to cover her ears, she felt like she was overhearing thoughts she shouldn’t be hearing but all she could do was listen.

 _I'll give you everything I am,_  
All my broken heartbeats.  
Until I know you'll understand.

“ _God_ , she’s amazing, there’s just… _something_ about her right?”

Laura was momentarily startled when a voice sounded beside her, she had been so caught up in Carmilla, she hadn’t realised anyone else had joined her, hidden at the side of the stage.

Laura didn’t recognise the women but she was beautiful, she had short hair, tattoos dotted about her arms and she had a European accent which Laura couldn’t quite place, she was the epitomy of cool.

“She’s um… she’s really something,” Was all Laura found she could respond with.

“I need to meet her, talk to her… Find out what she’s about, you know. She’s single now, right?” The woman asked, she didn’t take her eyes off of Carmilla.

Laura couldn’t deny the pang of possessiveness she felt as she watched this woman stare at Carmilla. “She’s… I-” She wanted to yell, _No_ , but instead she mumbled, “Yeah… she’s single, alright.”

“Do you know her?” The woman looked around at Laura quickly.

 “I, me? … Yeah, she’s my Carmilla, I mean, I’m, she’s- we’re friends. I’m Laura,” Laura held out her hand.

They shook hands, “I’m Donna, did you say you’re Laura? Would that be the same Laura she dedicated that song to earlier?” Donna studied her closely.

“Um… yeah, I guess that was… me,” Laura nodded, feeling her face heating up. 

“ _Dude_ , you’re so lucky. She’s _totally_ in to you,” Donna grinned.

“We’re just friends, actually,” Laura shrugged.

“Wow, someone needs to tell her that,” Donna laughed, pointing in Carmilla’s direction.

“Somehow… I don’t think I stand a chance anymore,” she held up her hands as she stuck a step back.

“Nice to meet you, Laura,” She smirked before she turned and strolled away. 

Laura couldn’t help but feel just a little glad that the beautiful woman had given up and walked away. Not because she didn’t want Carmilla to meet her… well maybe that was a small part of the reason but tonight was her night with Carmilla, just the two of them, two of them and no one else.

*

 The crowd bellowed as Carmilla gave one last goodnight and casually sauntered off stage. She walked straight toward Laura, grabbed her hand, entangling their fingers together and tugged her along without saying a word.

Carmilla spoke to a few people they passed, offering thanks and shook a few hands before they found a more secluded corridor, headed back toward her dressing room.

She finally looked toward Laura and smiled, letting go of her hand, “I’m all yours, Cupcake, what’s the plan?”

Laura hadn’t thought of a plan...

“Um… What do you want to do?” Laura asked.

“We could go back to your place and hang out. Are you hungry-”

“ _Carmilla?_ _Hey,”_ they both turned to glance over their shoulders at the unexpected voice.

“ _Lara?”_ Carmilla looked a little taken aback but smiled. “ _Hey_ , how are you? What are you doing in the city?”

Laura watched as Carmilla pulled this woman into a hug and gripped at her elbows as she pulled away, “What are you _doing_ here _?_ ” Carmilla smiled.

_Who was this now?_

She had no idea who Lara was but she was short and very pretty, she had dark hair and large rimmed glasses which looked a little too large her face but in a cute kind of way.

“I had a gig last night and I’m staying in town for a few days, heard from Will that you were here tonight, so I came down, wanted to see how you were.” Lara smiled. “You look _great,_ I mean, I’d heard about everything that went down. I’m glad you’re doing okay.”

“Laura,” Carmilla turned toward her, “This is Lara, she was my warm up act, a year or so ago now, was it?”

“Yeah, 2 years,” Lara corrected with a giggle.

Laura nodded, “Nice to meet you,” she gave Lara a small smile.

 “She’s great, really talented,” Carmilla nodded.

Lara laughed, “Don’t even,” she shook her head.

“ _Hey_ , you are, and you know it,” Carmilla rolled her eyes.

“Laura, if you wanna just head back to the dressing room, I’ll be there in a sec,” Carmilla said, glancing back at her quickly.

Laura mumbled a small okay and turned, feeling as though she were being dismissed. She walked away down the corridor as the two continued to talk, she heard Carmilla chuckle loudly and scowled at the ground.

She entered the dressing room and sat on the couch, grabbing a bottle of water on the way.

 Why was she being like this? Why couldn’t she _help_ being like this? She had no right to feel possessive or jealous. Carmilla wasn’t hers and she’d made that choice…

Laura sipped her water and chewed her lip. Maybe it wasn’t _that_ kind of possessiveness, maybe it just because her time with Carmilla was being infringed upon tonight… she hadn’t seen Carmilla for a few days and she just wanted to spend time with her. _Yeah… that would be it._

She couldn’t help but remember her conversation with SJ… _soon enough Carmilla will move on and meet someone else and then you’ll realise…_ Laura pushed SJ’s voice from her mind as the door opened and Carmilla walked into the room.

“Hi, sorry about that, just needed to catch up,” Carmilla said, walking quickly into the room and grabbing her phone.

“She seemed real nice,” Laura said quietly. 

Carmilla glanced up at her for a second before her gaze returned to her phone, “Yeah, she’s great. I really hope things go well for her, she deserves it.”

A moment of silence passed as Carmilla stared at her phone and Laura sipped her water.

“Okay, just give me a few minutes, I need to make a quick phone call and then I’m going to grab a shower and then we can go?” Carmilla said, glancing at her hopefully.

“Yeah sure, go ahead,” Laura waved her hand.

“I’ll be quick,” Carmilla said as she brought the phone to her ear.

Laura sipped her water and watched Carmilla walk back and forth up and down the dressing room.

“Yeah, no, it actually went better than I expected… I mean it has been a while,” Carmilla ran a hand through her hair.

Carmilla listened and then nodded, “Good, good. Seemed really positive.”

Laura stared at Carmilla’s boots as she walked, her mind drifted back to her conversation with SJ… _Do what your heart tells you… rather than your head._

_But she couldn’t, could she? What if she followed her heart and it ended in heartbreak again? She wasn’t sure she could survive that… But then, the thought of Carmilla with anyone else? She couldn’t stand thinking about it…_

_“Laura?”_

She looked around at Carmilla who had taken a seat beside her, looking at her with concern.

 “Sorry, just… thinking,” Laura mumbled, sucking in a breath.

“What’s wrong?” Carmilla gave her knee a light squeeze.

“Nothing at all. Just lost in my thoughts,” she fixed a smile on her face.

“You know you can talk to me, right? About anything,” Carmilla dipped her head a little closer.

She nodded, “I know, I’m fine though, really.”

Carmilla studied for her a few more seconds, as if trying to work out whether Laura really was okay before she released a breath and said, “Just give me a few minutes,” she got up and headed into the bathroom.

When Carmilla returned, she was looking fresh faced and sporting some fresh clothes, dark jeans and a black sweater. 

“So, what are you thinking?” Carmilla asked as she tied her hair up, “Head to your place, watch a movie and then I’ll pretend like I’m going to head home and then you’ll ask me to stay and then we’ll cuddle for a little while. Doe’s that sound good to you?” she relaxed onto the couch next to her.

It sounded great, it had become almost routine now…

“It’s is a little late,” Laura heard herself saying.

“You don’t wanna hang out?” Carmilla’s smile turned into a frown of disappointment.

 _“No. I do,”_ Laura responded quickly. _What was she saying, of course she did._

“Cupcake, I honestly don’t care what we do, I just wanna spend time with you.”

“No horror movies,” Laura smiled.

Carmilla smirked, “Whatever you want, Cupcake.” 

*

 “When I said whatever you want, I didn’t expect _Twilight…”_ Carmilla said, sinking a little lower into Laura’s couch with a pout.

“I can’t explain it, I _hate_ this movie but… _I love it_.” Laura didn’t look away from the screen.

“Thing for vampires, Cupcake?” Carmilla smirked, not paying any attention to the tv at all.

 “Nope, not at all,” Laura gave her an unimpressed sideways glance.

Carmilla sat up and moved closer with a smile, glancing down at her throat, “But you always enjoy a little nip,” she whispered, licking her lower lip.

Laura glanced sideways again, catching Carmilla’s intense gaze, she mumbled, “Don’t start,” even though her heart beat a little faster. 

Carmilla clacked her teeth together next to her ear and Laura glanced down at her mouth with a sigh and tried to look annoyed though she couldn’t hold back a small smile.

“Do we _have_ to watch this?” Carmilla asked, pouting dramatically.

Laura moved away an inch or two as she turned to look at Carmilla, “Who was it only an hour ago saying, _I don’t care what we do, Laura, I just want to spend time with you_ … and yes, we’re watching it.”

Carmilla stared at her and looked like she really wanted to say something but instead made a tut sound and slouched, resting her head on the back of the couch.

Feeling just a little guilty, Laura tried to make up for it by placing a hand on Carmilla’s thigh, saying thank you without words.

She noticed Carmilla’s eyes grow heavy as they quietly watched the movie. Laura had expected a lot more irritated sighs and comments but Carmilla just let her be and suffered in silence.

“Tired?” Laura said softly, leaning toward her.

Carmilla blinked open her eyes, “A little.”

Laura smiled as she watched Carmilla struggle to keep her eyes open.

“Come on,” she whispered, turning off the tv and grabbing her hand.

“I see,” Carmilla said huskily, slowly getting to her feet, “Get me into your bed because you want cuddle, like that's all I'm good for. Well, not tonight,” she yawned.

“ _You_ were falling asleep,” Laura said, rolling her eyes as she dragged Carmilla toward her bedroom.

She threw the shorts and tank Carmilla usually borrowed at her and she shuffled off to the bathroom.

And when Laura eventually climbed into bed beside her, Carmilla turned over and pulled her close.

“I thought you said no cuddling tonight,” Laura smiled as she felt Carmilla’s breath on the back of her neck.

Carmilla moved closer, Laura felt her nose and then what she was sure was teeth scrap down the side of her neck and she shivered before she felt her bite down lightly.

Laura sucked in a breath, “ _Carm_ ,” she said warningly. _What was she doing?_

They flirted a lot but both of them seemed to have a silent agreement to steer clear of temptation and Carmilla was skating on very thin ice with that move.

“ _See_ , you do like a little nip,” Carmilla whispered next to her ear.

“Stop, you.” Laura turned over to face her, “I know where you’re ticklish so don’t start this game.” 

Carmilla licked her lower lip and looked impressed and like she was very much considering continuing the game.

 “I thought you were sleepy,” Laura said softly.

“Very,” Carmilla whispered. 

“Good,” Laura wrapped an arm around her waist and settled into her side.

They were both silent for a few moments, Laura was thoughtful.

“I’m really glad you’re back in my life, Carm. I probably don’t say that enough but I am. It’s like this little part of me that’s been missing has found its way back…” she said, sleepily.

“Me too, Cupcake,” Carmilla mumbled, planting a kiss on her forehead.

*

 Mornings were the worst… because they were the best. Carmilla was adorable when she was tired and grumpy and Laura enjoyed it far too much. There was something special about waking up next to Carmilla, like Laura knew she was about to have a good day.

“Let me go,” Laura chuckled as the arm around her waist pulled her closer. 

 _“No,”_ Carmilla mumbled huskily, pulling her closer still.

 _“Carm!”_ Laura laughed, turning around in her arms to face her.

“I’m confused, Cupcake. One second you want to cuddle and then you don’t,” Carmilla said, rolling her eyes dramatically and moving to lay on her back.

Laura had to stop herself from placing a quick kiss to Carmilla’s lips, she felt the urge to, like it was the most natural ordinary thing she could do, she wanted to, but… she knew she couldn’t. Carmilla looked all kinds of tempting lying next to her.

 “Hmm…” Laura lay back down, staring at the ceiling, “It seems I may have to add cuddling to the list…” She was kidding of course, but Carmilla’s reaction would surely be priceless. 

 _“List?”_ Carmilla looked at her suspiciously.

“Yeah, _the list._ The list of things we aren’t allowed to do,” Laura said with a serious nod.

An arm snaked around her waist and Carmilla came closer, Laura felt her breath bathing her neck as she spoke into her ear, “You wouldn’t.”

Laura turned away hiding a smile but Carmilla just nestled closer, “Although, you do have me intrigued… What’s on this _list?”_ She spoke huskily into her ear. Laura bit down on her lip and tried not to react. 

She sucked in a breath and licked her lower lip, this was bad territory… _very bad territory._

“ _Carm_ ,” Laura said almost reprimandingly, in the way she always did to let Carmilla know that maybe she was close to crossing a line here.

“I just wanna know, Cupcake. What’s on the list?”

Laura swallowed. _Nope, she would not take this any further. Absolutely no way-_

“Touching…” Laura breathed.

“What kind of touching?” Carmilla asked, her hand lightly tickling over Laura’s stomach. “That kind of touching?”

Laura’s mind was going blank, she merely nodded.

Carmilla’s fingers moved higher, grazing at her ribs. “There?”

“Hmm,” Laura breathed out.

“What else is on this list?”

“Kissing…” _She wouldn’t dare… would she?_

 _“Interesting_ … Where?” She planted a kiss on Laura’s throat. “There?”

 _“Yes,”_ Laura spoke through gritted teeth, her heart was hammering in her chest now and she couldn’t suck in enough air.

Carmilla lay another kiss down her throat…

_“There?”_

“Yes…” Laura sighed, sucking in short breathes, closing her eyes.

“What about… _here?”_ Carmilla placed a kiss on her collarbone.

She nodded.

“What else?” She breathed.

“Um…” Laura mumbled. She couldn’t collect her thoughts right now.

“What about…” Carmilla’s teeth grazed her throat lightly and then her lips wrapped around that spot and she sucked…

Laura gasped, clutching at the sheet covering them and she felt Carmilla’s hand clutch her shirt.

Laura turned to face her quickly, placing a finger over Carmilla’s lips and stared at her.

Carmilla smirked sinfully. 

 _“You have to stop,”_ Laura breathed, her face feeling warm.

Carmilla considered her for a moment and then lay back against the pillow, looking like she’d been caught doing something mischievous.

“Now I’m going to get up… and take a cold shower,” Laura said, moving quickly out of arms reach.

Carmilla chuckled.

“Before you make me lose my mind,” Laura said, glancing back over her shoulder at Carmilla as she headed for the bathroom.

 

*

 Laura stood from the couch, grabbing her mug from the coffee table along the way, wandering into her kitchen with a smile, humming something that may have been one of Carmilla’s songs. She set the mug down and went about making more cocoa. She smiled as she thought about her morning spent with Carmilla. They’d made breakfast muffins and talked for hours. Spending time with Carmilla always made Laura feel happy even in the hours after she’d left, she still felt warm and content.

They’d talked about old times, they’d talked about the seven years they’d spent apart and of course, Laura thought Carmilla’s stories were far more interesting than hers, but Carmilla seemed to listen to every word Laura said with attentiveness and interest.

Carmilla had started showing Laura photos on her phone and it wasn’t long before the two of them were sitting on Laura’s bed looking through old photographs from the years before.

“You have a copy of this one,” Laura said, “I’ve seen it in your kitchen." 

“I honestly can’t believe you kept this stuff,” Carmilla said, taking the photo and staring down at it.

“I haven’t kept everything…” Laura said, quietly.

It was true, she had thrown some stuff out like anyone would at the end of a relationship but she’d kept photos of the group altogether and a few photos of her and Carmilla that she’d hid rather than throw out.

“This was… a good day,” Carmilla stared at the photograph thoughtfully.

“All I really remember about that picnic was that Kirsch ate far too many sandwiches and got sick,” Laura giggled.

“Actually, Laura, this was the first time you told me you loved me,” Carmilla smiled.

Laura looked up at her with a puzzled look, she was almost certain she was mistaken, it had been later than that. “Um… I don’t think-”

 “I mean, I don’t actually think you realised you’d said it at the time… _but you said it.”_ Carmilla smiled. “I don’t remember Kirsch, in fact, I don’t really remember anyone else being there at all but I’ll never forget that moment. It was important to me.”

“I… don’t remember,” Laura frowned, staring at the photo in Carmilla’s hand.

“I kinda don’t expect you too, like is said, I don’t think you realised you’d said it,” Carmilla gave her a reassuring smile.

Laura finished making her cocoa, her mind still replaying her morning spent with Carmilla over and over. She was smiling when she took a seat back on the couch and moved to grab the remote.

The vibration of her phone distracted her and she glanced at it on the coffee table, expecting to see Carmilla’s name, except it wasn’t… it was SJ.

“Hey SJ,” Laura answered merrily.

 _“Laura, I’m really sorry. I- What I said the other day-  I was almost- I honestly didn’t expect… are you okay?”_ SJ sounded really troubled but wasn’t making any sense at all.

Laura blinked, _“_ SJ…um, I’m a little confused. Can you start again?”

_“Do you not… care?”_

“Care about what?” Laura giggled, “I haven’t been fired, have I?” She joked.

_“Oh my god… you don’t know… You haven’t seen it, have you?”_

_“Seen what?”_ Laura was dumbfounded at this point. 

_“Okay, I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, Hollis.”_

“What is it?” Laura frowned, taking the conversation more seriously now she figured her friend wasn’t kidding.

  _“Its Carmilla… she’s, well, she’s…”_ SJ stumbled on her words.

 _“What?”_ Laura felt sick, _what was it?_

_“See’s seeing someone…”_

“…What?” Laura whispered after a moment, a sinking feeling in her stomach.

  _“Laura, I’m so sorry,”_ SJ said, sympathetically.

“What do you mean? How… How do you _know_ that?” Laura asked, swallowing a lump in her throat.

_“It’s kind of all over the internet, I mean, I saw it on twitter.”_

“What did you... see?” Laura asked quietly, her eyes started to ache and she struggled to speak.

_“Um…Like… pictures. Are you okay?”_

“Of course I am, SJ, I um… of course,” Laura responded, she really did not want to be on the phone anymore.

_“Laura, I-”_

“SJ, actually I really have to go,” Laura interrupted.

 _“Okay, look, if you-”_ Laura hung up and stared down at her coffee table in silence.

_How? There was no way… Carmilla had been here, she would have said something, wouldn’t she? She would have told her? They’d been spending so much time together… Carmilla was intimate… intimate in a way you wouldn’t if you were seeing someone…_

She wouldn’t look, she didn’t need to put herself through that trauma, she wouldn’t. She would ask Carmilla about it the next time they spoke. In fact, she wasn’t going to let this news bother her at all…

She had sudden visions of Carmilla walking arm in arm with the woman from the concert last night and she tensed, feeling her stomach squirm uncomfortably.

Within two minutes she was searching Carmilla’s name on twitter and there she was, holding hands with a gorgeous blonde women Laura had never seen before. She sucked in a shaky breath, willing herself not to cry, she was stronger than that. She swiped and there they were, smiling at each other. She swiped again and then immediately closed the app and dropped her phone like it was on fire… she was kissing Carmilla’s cheek. She didn’t want to see anymore, SJ had been right…

They looked happy together, _really happy._ And that was fine… of course it was. Carmilla could date whoever she wanted… didn’t matter to Laura, _not one bit._

 _No, No, No, No. This wasn’t happening, was it?_ She fell sideways onto the couch and pulled her knees up against her chest. The pain inside began to fill her up until all she could feel was agony and she started to cry. _Why hadn’t Carmilla said anything to her?_

Laura lost track of the time as she lay on the couch, her happy mood long extinguished, in fact this may have been the worst she’d ever felt. Worse than their break up and that was such a dark time for her, she feared she may never see passed it.

After another stretch of time her phone started to chime. It had landed on the floor, under the coffee table and her gaze flickered to it.

_Carmilla_

She stared at it but she didn’t move to answer it.

A few moments later… a text.

She didn’t look at it. 

And then her phone rang again, she didn’t even glance at it this time. Instead she uncurled herself and stood up. She wandered into her bedroom and fell on the bed, a few more tears were shed that night before she fell asleep.

 

*

There was a banging on her door, Laura blinked open her eyes.

She glanced sideways at the time, 1.37pm, she’d barely moved from her bed the next day, although she had been thinking about crying in the shower later. 

 _“Laura?”_ They knocked again.

_“Laura?”_

It was Carmilla.

Laura sighed, slowly getting to her feet and running a hand through her hair as the aggressive knocking continued.

“ _Laura,_ if you’re in there will you open the door? I’m thinking about calling the cops. I asked around and nobody’s heard from you for like _a day_ and I’m worried… _Laura? Laura?”_

She opened the door, “Hey,” Laura mumbled tiredly.

Carmilla’s initial smile at seeing her changed to look of concern. 

“ _What’s wrong?”_ She asked, walking passed Laura into the apartment and glancing around as if the cause for concern was hiding inside the apartment. _“Laura?”_ She turned back, staring at her.

“I’m fine, Carm, I’m… fine,” she mumbled, walking into the kitchen.

“You clearly are not,” Carmilla said, following her. “What is it, Laura? Whatever it is, we can deal with it.” She said, walking around the kitchen isle to stand in front of her.

_“Laura…”_

“Why didn’t... you tell me?” Laura said, glancing up at her. “You know, I would have at least thought you would have let me know. I mean, I know we were not _exactly_ … but I thought you’d tell me.” She didn’t feel so sad anymore, she felt anger bubbling below the surface.

“Tell you what, Laura?” Carmilla frowned. _“What?”_

“That you’re seeing someone,” Laura responded, she walked out of the kitchen, Carmilla on her toes.

“ _What? Seeing who_? Laura, I’m not _seeing anyone_ ,” Carmilla said, watching Laura walk around the couch to grab her phone which was still under the coffee table.

“You don’t have to lie, you know. I saw it, I saw the pictures. It doesn’t matter, Carm. But, I thought you would tell me at least,” Laura said, meeting her gaze.

 _“What pictures_?! _Who am I seeing?”_ Carmilla said, bringing her hands up in annoyance.

_Why is she lying to me?_

“On the internet, I saw it on twitter _…”_ Laura said, dropping onto the couch heavily.

Carmilla pulled out her phone, she frowned as she typed and then she stared at the screen in concentration for a moment.

… And then she laughed.

“Are you laughing at me?” Laura said, her throat constricting and the need to cry stronger than ever.

“ _Yes,”_ Carmilla laughed again.

“ _Get out_ ,” Laura stood up, speaking through gritted teeth as the tears threatened to spill over.

“ _No, Laura._ Not like that,” Carmilla took a few steps closer, holding up a hand.

“Look at me.” Carmilla said softly. “Please.”

“I wasn’t laughing at you, I mean, I was but I’m laughing at you because you’re the cutest idiot I’ve ever met, okay?”

This didn’t make Laura feel any better at all, she frowned.

“Just _stop_ , okay, fine, I’m an idiot. I know that.” Laura said angrily. “You can go.”

“I’m not _seeing_ anyone,” Carmilla said, shaking her head. “I _promise you.”_

“Of course you are,” Laura said quickly, gesturing toward the phone in Carmilla’s hand.

 _“No,_ I’m not… these pictures were taken when I was filming a shitty dream sequence for a music video for a song on the new album. I’m not seeing this woman,” Carmilla said, staring at her.

 _Oh…_ Laura stared at Carmilla’s shoes, feeling her face heat up but some tension leave her.

“I don’t actually know this woman, I mean, she was nice and all but I was _definitely_ not interested. Laura, I couldn’t even tell you her name.” Laura’s lips twitched upwards as Carmilla rambled.

“Carm... I’m so sorry,” Laura met her gaze. “I just, I don’t know, I thought-” she shook her head, running a hand through her hair.

“Is that it? Is that what all of this has been about?” Carmilla gestured to her. “Ignoring the phone and looking like you just got done watching Titanic?”

Laura smiled, wiping an escaped tear from her cheek, “I hate Titanic.”

Carmilla sighed and sat down next to her, grabbing one of her hands and waited for Laura to meet her gaze, “How dare you. It’s a masterpiece.”

Laura laughed and shook her head.

“Are you okay?” Carmilla asked quietly. 

Laura nodded, “I’m not sure what got into me. When I heard, it was like…” She sighed.  “I’m sorry, Carm, I feel so stupid now.”

Carmilla smiled, “Come here,” she moved closer and pulled Laura into a hug, planting a kiss on top of her head.

“Laura, I love _you_ , okay? You must know that,” Carmilla mumbled.

Laura smiled contently before her eyes widened and she stopped breathing for a second, _“What?”_

“I love _you,_ ” Carmilla repeated.

Laura pulled away from the hug to look at Carmilla, _“What?”_

“Come on,” Carmilla smiled, “Of course I do.”

“Why are you- I’m sorry, can we start again?” Laura blinked in confusion.

“I love you, Laura,” Carmilla said without hesitation, staring at her with a small smile.

 _“Don’t_ … do this,” Laura whispered, starting to panic.

Carmilla frowned, “Cupcake, I thought… I thought you just needed time…”

“No,” Laura shook her head, pulling her hand from Carmilla’s grasp.

“I love you,” she shrugged, “I’m _still_ in love with you. I never _stopped_ loving you.” 

“ _Stop,”_ Laura said, “Carm, _we can’t_.”

 _“Why?”_ Carmilla said, seemingly now a little angrily.

“Because… Because everything is so great and… I don’t, I can’t _lose you_ again,” Laura said shakily, twisting her fingers together.

Carmilla studied her for a moment, “Cupcake…”

Laura met her gaze and Carmilla smiled softly and shook her head.

“If we do this then-”

“ _Shhh…_ Just shut up,” Carmilla whispered, leaning forward and capturing Laura’s lips in a kiss.

Laura responded instinctively, bringing her hand up to Carmilla’s face with a pleasant sound and then sinking it into her hair.

Carmilla grabbed a hold of her shirt, tugging on it as they kissed and Laura pushed herself closer before deciding it wasn’t close enough and climbed onto her lap.

Carmilla groaned, deepening the kiss, a hand landing on Laura’s hip. She whined, wrapping her arms around Carmilla’s neck, rolling her hips. Carmilla tugged her shirt up and Laura sat back to allow her to pull it off but paused when she met Carmilla’s lustful gaze.

Laura groaned. “Carm… _no,_ wait…”

She sucked in some panting breathes, chewing her lip as she contemplated.

“Laura, why won’t you just give us a chance?” Carmilla asked, gripping her hips.

Laura stared at her, all she wanted to do was lean in and capture her lips again.

“I can’t,” she sucked in a shaky breath, she was going to cry again.

She sighed, quickly standing up and backing away from the couch before turning and heading for her bedroom.  

“ _No,_ Laura, listen to me.” Carmilla followed her, she placed a hand on Laura’s shoulder and she turned to face her. “Just _please_ let me- let me prove you wrong. I’m not the same person I used to be and you _know that_. I love you, Laura, and I’m here if you’ll have me.”

They stared at each other… Laura sucked in some ragged breathes. She wanted Carmilla so much... too much. And she was terrified… but the thought of having Carmilla again seemed to be outweighing how scared she felt right now.

“I-” Laura began only to be side-tracked by the sudden loud chime of Carmilla’s phone.

 _“Shit,”_ she groaned, pulling her phone from her back pocket and declining it quickly.

 “If you need to get that…” Laura sighed, taking a step back and thinking maybe that was a sign.

 _“No,”_ Carmilla shook her head. “Laura, nothing-”

Carmilla’s phone rang again and she swore loudly, pulling it out and throwing it across the room to the far corner of the living room so it vibrated quietly on the floor.

" _Carm, your phone!”_ Laura looked up at her in alarm.

“I don’t care about the _damn_ phone, Laura, I _really_ don’t,” Carmilla said, taking a step closer and grabbing her hands.

“Look, I only care about you, I just want _you_. I don’t care about any of it, I don’t need it,” Carmilla said, slowly coming to rest her forehead against Laura’s as she spoke. _“Just you.”_

Laura swallowed and then lifted her chin to kiss Carmilla again, how could she not? _Was this a dream?_

Carmilla smiled into the kiss, lightly pushing Laura up against the wall nearby and then moving to leave eager kisses down her neck.

 _“God_. Carm, but your life,” Laura moaned. 

“Trust me when I say, my career will not suffer.” Carmilla breathed into her ear.

Carmilla kissed her again and Laura wrapped her arms around her neck.

 _“But, Carm…”_ She spoke around her lips.

“Laura, do you want me?” Carmilla asked, pulling away only half an inch.

 “Yes,” Laura responded automatically, leaning forward and capturing Carmilla’s lips again.

They broke apart again, “Do you love me?”

“…More than anything,” Laura breathed, staring into Carmilla’s eyes.

 Carmilla groaned as they kissed again and she began to direct them toward the bedroom.

“But if something happens,” Laura spoke between kisses, “If we broke up…”

Carmilla pulled away to look at her, “Cupcake, when you broke up with me, that was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through. But I cannot let that fear keep me from being with you again. You make me happy and that’s all I want, all I’ll _ever_ want. I promise you, Laura, it will not happen again.”

 _“Promise?”_ A tear slipped down Laura’s cheek. 

“I Promise,” Carmilla smiled.

Laura captured her lips again, and they stumbled down the hall into her bedroom, laughing as they fell onto Laura’s unkempt bed.

Carmilla stared down at her for a moment, lightly running her thumb down Laura’s cheek before leaning down to kiss her slowly.

“I wish we could... disappear for a while,” Carmilla whispered.

 “Huh?” Laura breathed.

“You and me. Go anywhere we want,” Carmilla rested her forehead against hers. 

“Carm… I can’t just drop everything…” Laura smiled, running her hands up and down Carmilla’s back. “I have my job and my apartment and-”

“I know. But maybe one day…” Carmilla kissed her lips quickly.

“What about you, your work…” Laura whispered.

“Cupcake, I would _much_ rather be on a beach in the south of France with you or in Paris eating chocolate croissants or where ever _you_ want to go.” 

“That sounds… enjoyable,” Laura mumbled. _“And_ … I do have _some_ vacation days…”

 _“Really?”_ Carmilla smirked, leaning down to kiss her again.

“So… hypothetically, we could, if we wanted to… disappear for little while,” Carmilla whispered next to her ear.

 “Just you and me,” Laura sighed.

“Just you and me.” 

*

3 months later

Laura woke up, lost within the sheets of Carmilla’s large bed, she smiled to herself turning over to greet her lover only to frown when Carmilla wasn’t there.

She sat up, smelling coffee and hearing soft music playing from somewhere else within the apartment. She climbed out of bed, pulling on a pair of sweat pants and an old t shirt of Carmilla’s and went to hunt for her girlfriend.

She found Carmilla in the kitchen, leaning on counter top with a coffee, looking at her laptop.

Laura wrapped her arms around Carmilla’s waist from behind, leaning the side of her face on Carmilla’s shoulder.

“Good morning,” Carmilla tipped her head to the side, trying to catch of glimpse of her and Laura planted a kiss on her cheek.

“You weren’t in bed,” she said tiredly.

Carmilla smiled and turned around in her arms, planting a kiss on her forehead.

“Would you like to start the morning again? And we’ll go get back into bed?”

Laura considered that for a moment, “No...” she breathed. 

Carmilla turned them, leaning Laura up against the counter top, smiling at her before leaning in for a kiss.

 “Shall we make breakfast?” Carmilla said as they broke apart.

Laura nodded.

“Before I forget, Danny called,” Carmilla said, her hands dropping to Laura’s waist.

“Yeah? What’s new with her?” Laura asked.

“Its Emily’s first birthday next week,” Carmilla said, carefully running a hand through Laura’s hair.

“Is it?” She glanced up in surprise. “God, we’re the worst godparents ever, aren’t we?”

Carmilla smiled planting another kiss on Laura’s brow, “What should her godmothers get her for her birthday?”

Laura considered that for a moment and let out a long breath, “I’ll think it over. Don’t let me forget though. I’ll write it on the calendar.”

Laura made fresh coffee while Carmilla made a start on breakfast, Laura planted a kiss on her shoulder as she moved past her to the refrigerator.

“Can you pass me the…”

“Milk?” Laura held up the carton.

“Yes,” Carmilla smiled.

“Your phones ringing, Carm,” Laura heard the familiar noise as she poured the drinks.

“Where is it?” Carmilla glanced around the apartment.

“It’s in the bedroom, on my side, on the floor, next to the bed.” Laura thought for a moment.

Carmilla wandered back into the kitchen a moment later with the phone to her ear.

“Yes,” she looked thoughtful, “Sure, of course I’ll do it.”

“Okay,” she hung up the phone and went back to her waffle batter.

“What was it?” Laura asked, sitting at the kitchen isle with her coffee and pulling Carmilla’s laptop toward her.

“Charity concert next month,” Carmilla responded.

 _“Ooh,”_ Laura murmured as she looked through her twitter feed.

“You know, Laura,” Carmilla paused and turned to face her, “I was thinking… now that we’re back and we’re happy, _yes?_ ”

“Very happy,” Laura glanced up at her as she approached.

“Maybe, you might want to move in here with me,” Carmilla said, coming to stand in front of her.

“Really?” Laura blinked.

“I mean, you spend a lot of time here and if not, I’m at yours and if we have to spend a night apart, I don’t like it, and I hate that you’re not just _here_ all the time. I love you,” Carmilla said with a small smile.

“I love you too, Carm, but we’re been only together for three months…”

“Well, I would have asked you last month but I thought maybe that was a little _too_ early,” Carmilla shrugged. “Move in with me.”

Laura laughed, “Are you serious?”

“Of course, Cupcake,” she leant down for a kiss.

“Okay,” Laura smiled.

“Okay?”

She nodded, “Though, how come we have to move into your apartment? Why can’t we move into mine?”

Carmilla brows rose, “Cupcake, I own his apartment and no offense but this apartment is like three times bigger than yours, and I have a lot a stuff and so do you. Also, have seen the view?”

“I  _guess_ that’s true,” Laura smiled. “… _Fine_ but you know what that means…”

“What?” Carmilla smiled.

“No more baked goods deliveries from Perry,” Laura pouted.

Carmilla sighed “…How about this, I will _make sure_ we get the baked goods from Perry, okay?”

Laura smiled, “I love you.”

“And I love you,” Carmilla leaned down for a quick kiss.

“How many waffles do you want?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song referenced in his chapter are
> 
> Still Falling for you by Ellie Goulding  
> Distance by Christina Perri
> 
> And that's it! Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> See you soon
> 
> Sarah x


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